So far there have been two things, and only two things that have kept me from committing suicide.
1) Fear of the unknown.
This life is terriable yes, unbearable and causes me suffering every single day. I just want out, I just want it to end and I think I would be doing everyone a great deal if I left now. I would be ridding the world of a horrible, evil person. But I believe in being selfish, all I care for is myself and what worries me is what comes after death. What if it turns out worse than what life is like now? […]
So I am about to turn 30 in about a month. Looking back at the past 17 years of my life (of which, parts of 12 years spent on struggling with depression/suicidal thoughts), it has been a roller-coaster ride. Here are some highlights. I don’t expect you to be interested in my life story, but if you have time, read on!
17 years ago, I migrated to Texas, and started in an ultra conservative high school. Language barrier was one, but being bullied non stop for not speaking English well was another. It was even worse being bullied for trying to learn English. My response was […]
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It’s a song about the last 3 months. First time I really
actually felt suicidal, a bit of what led up to it and how
someone was there to help me get through. I dunno…
I guess you guys understand the need to express
ourselves right? It’s important. So here I am… telling it
like it is.
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(Never) Been Better. <—–YOUTUBE (if you wanna hear it)
and the man on the street
he ain’t worth the word he can’t keep
but that don’t stop his tongue
from dancing in his cheek
and he says…
“loser”, I mean you no harm
you’re not going anywhere
won’t be better than me
my eyes are glued
on […]
i tell her that i need to go to a different school, a school where there are only a few people so if anything only those few could pick on me. but she won’t let me leave this one. she says life is full of obstacles and people who won’t like you and people who you won’t like either. stay in this school so you’re prepared. well hey, does the “real world” consist of nobody liking you? does the “real world” consist of thoughts of suicide? does the “real world” push you to the fucking edge? did you try to kill yourself because the “real world” ended up just like school?
“Son come over here
Daddy’s here you hear?”
“Daddy dont come near”
“Son there’s nothin to fear”
“Daddy, just not in my rear”
“Please son, don’t be queer
Imma let your mother steer
If it’s okay with you dear,
Imma crush this boy with the sheer
Fucking size of my spear”
Now it’s all crystal clear
So they locked him away
Ain’t seen him to this day
They ask but I refuse to say
A goddamn word to that fucking gay
There’s no fucking way
That even for a moment I’d stay
Anywhere near him, okay!?
He deserves to rot in the penitentiary
For the next half […]
My life feels like I’m walking on a rock road.. Always cold and dark. Never knowing if I’m going to trip. When I do, I hesitate to get back up. Afraid of tripping and falling again. I always get back up though. Some falls take longer to stand up from.. Something keeps me going down this road.. The hope that the sun is going to wink at me and give me light to see the obstacles in the road. I don’t know how long it’ll take and maybe I’ll never see it in this lifetime. Someday though, whether I’m dead or alive, I’ll see the […]
Ever lived my life or spent on minute in my shoes? No! Well then please, tell me why you judge me like you do. Life is a dream upon which death awakens us… Not all dreams are good… not all dreams are bad… Do you want to wait for one’s death to understand or to care?
Each day everyone of us face many obstacles at almost every walk of life. Sometimes it’s hard to explain. We go through stress, anger, hurt and pain. There’s moments of sadness, frustration, and even depression. Sometimes we feel incredibly insane. Then there’s moments when some of us feel like giving […]
I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. Some days, including this one, I think I’m bi-polar. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but it wouldn’t amaze me if I was. I repel people more than I compel any form of welcome, probably because of the anger I constantly wear on my sleeves, or my lifeless stare that can become intimidating once I move my eye brows in the right, or perhaps, the wrong direction. These eyes of mine can look just as puzzled as anyone else pondering why I look so angry and full of disgust all the time. […]
these days my mom is slowly trying to mold me into this over holy person, i feel like she is drowning me, an i am losing who i am slowly, while trying to please others ,an i feel like am at a constant battle trying to be me . So i just wanna say that life is hard but the obstacles we get through are what makes us who we are ,and dont let ppl change you cause in the end you will never realize who you anymore, and to all those ppl out there who are struggling stay strong, be true to yourself, dont […]
I don’t like challenges. I don’t like obstacles. I don’t like trying for something unless there’s a guarantee. I don’t like vague goals that sound like monthly horoscopes.
However, life is full of challenges and obstacles. And now I’m getting the impression that somehow, the idea is that overcoming these obstacles is supposed to be one’s goal in life; that I’m supposed to strive to better myself and I’ll be all the better for it.
But, I’m a risk-averse person. I don’t like challenges. I don’t like obstacles. I don’t like trying for something unless there’s a guarantee. […]
I’ve never really understood things the way others seem to and I often feel out of place. It seems just when I start feeling good about life and feel like there is something I can really get behind and feel proud about supporting, I get shot down by obstacles and people (sometimes those few who are close to me). I’ve always had a view of the world tinted by dreamer’s eyes, and so realism isn’t exactly always my forte. I can get passionate about anything, but I can also get down and out about anything. At the drop of a hat I can turn from […]