Today my parents are away, so I think I can hang around here not being afraid they’d be peeking into my laptop. And I can ask this silly questing, how do I do it? How do I get diabetes?
And don’t ask what is up with me, ’cause nothing is up. I just still can’t figure out the trick. So many people get it just out of the blue, without ever trying to. I know it has a lot to do with heredity, but not always the case. If it doesn’t run in my family, so I can never get it? I don’t believe it. There must be a way. If anybody knows, please give me a hint. Like how many candy should I eat. I already tried a lot of ways, none of which worked. I am so disappointed, this could make the process of killing myself a hell easier.
I cannot get the gun. Or at least, in my near future. All because of how I look. I went to a gun store just to inquire, not even buy. They looked at me so attentively and ask, “What do you need it for?” I hesitated to answer, just smiled. They smiled back and said, “Girl, why don’t you go look for a safer toy now? These here ain’t lollipops to just gaze at.” I burst out of the door, barely holding back tears. How come, people? I’m a twenty-year-old! Twen-ty! Rub your fucking eyes! Of course I’ll try other stores, but there’re just too many obstacles. Too many.
I’ve also been thinking about drowning myself, in the bathtub, when I’m alone. Convenient, I can make as many attempts as needed, and nobody will ever know I even tried, until I succeed. But it’s not an easy way for me, because I have a fear of water, I haven’t ever been able to bring myself to dive in a pool, but I’ll keep trying, little by little. Anyway, I’m going to get expelled again, so I better hurry if I don’t want history to repeat itself.
1.) You need a way to check whether you already have diabetes. As people get older, physicians will semi-automatically do this by checking a few more boxes when we get our “blood work done.” But your physician will check the box probably if you ask them.
2.) Corn syrup and other sweeteners can push people into die abeetus. Alcoholism can do it too. So, one could drink lots of soda and/or beer. These begin to paint the real picture, and it ain’t pretty.
3.) You seem quite deliberate, but I’m gonna risk repeating others’ discouragement. Diabetes would be slow descent into obesity torture and organ failure. There are some diseases so utterly horrible that damn few people would get ’em on purpose; and diabetes is one of ’em.
Diabetes is horrible and you definitely don’t want it! You’re only going to feel worse 🙂
On the other hand, the endorphin’s you get from exercising at eating fruits and veg make you feel great, albeit temporarily. Taking care of yourself has the added benefit of making you feel great.
Plus diabetes takes a lifetime of poor habits, 10-30 years. So don’t count on it as a method of dying 🙂
I know a few people with diabetus, and from what I see it is damn horrible to have, if i could choose I think I’d prefer cancer. I really dont see why you’d want to get it, even to kill yourself.
Just figure out this; You seemingly want to kill yourself, but why would you want it to take years? Also if you’d really wanted it you would have found a way already. And like you said “you cant get your hands on a gun”, while still there is a gun store around where you live, so you can actually, yet you choose not to. Also I doubt if you really want it it would be hard to just tell a lie, it isnt that hard to just say “I want to be able to protect myself)”.
Not trying to push you into it, try to get some help, talk to someone instead of torturing yourself.
Don’t think I have no idea how horrible diabetes might be. I’m not looking to suffer from it for years, I’ve already had enough. I just count on diabetes as a way to speed up my death. If you know what diabetes is, you are aware that having it, it would be damn easier to starve yourself to death or to just have a fatal overdose of insulin. As for me I would immediately do the latter, and even if the overdose wouldn’t kill me, at least it would send me into a coma, which would be also great. Now you understand?
Butcherepunda, are you suggesting I should go steal a gun if they wouldn’t sell me any?And thus add another problem to the heap of problems I already have? Don’t doubt my desire to kill myself. I would have done that at least a year ago, if it hadn’t been for my ill luck. My parents tend to think I’m crazy, so I gotta be very careful choosing a method. One wrong move, and I’ll end up in a nuthouse.