Oh god, who do i think i am? What exactly is my problem? I’m so confused and angry with myself. Sometimes, i mean most times, when i try to do my hair and everything, i just look in the mirror and burst out crying and get really frustrated by pulling on hair, hurting myself and swear at myself. Grrrr i hate being me -.- Sometimes, i might be happy, slightly happy anyway. And for some reason, i miss being sad and something just doesn’t feel right. And then i remember the bad days that’ll come soon and i get anxiety. Man, i’m retarded.
God, i’m so lonely. I remeber i used to go on this website ‘Runescape’ and you can change what your character looked like and i’d date guys O.o Most of them were probably pedos and rapists but i guess then, i was somewhat happier. Those were the only ‘fake relationships’ i’ve every been in. I miss it, sort of.., but then again i’d have to hide it from my parents and i’d stay up all night on it.I was so much more of a loser back then -.-
In conclusion, Gumpy is a fucking idiot and you should never listen to her. Cause all you’ll hear is blah blah blah blah blah….
Gumpy
27 comments
Gumpy, your not and idiot ! Not at all ! The guys on those websites made you feel ‘happy’ because they were nice to you, if you have a low self asteme, compliments from the opposite sex boost that.
When I used to go to a mixed school, I had quite a few friends, and most of the
Were guys. Not because I wanted to be with them, but because they made me feel better about myself, and I’ve always got on better with guys.
Although looking back it was a false happiness. At the end of the day I still hated myself. And I still do.
But looks arn’t everything x
Thanks s2419 :/ I really am an idiot though, it’s all i am. And you’re right, guys like that can make you feel good. Lol, but, i can’t talk to guys. I’m too timid and shy.
Thanks 🙂
Gumpy
Awwwwww bless you ! That’s so cute 🙂
And you really arn’t an idiot. If you were, I’d tell you x
Don’t knock yourself
Gumpy: How are you doing ?? X
Duke: how are you ?
@ s2419 Tired. It’s been a long day. Work has been relentless and people just keep putting more crap on my desk.
What about you? Did you get to sleep in the end?
Ohh 🙁 have a good nap hehe 🙂
And no I probably got about an hour and my head was just all over the place. I was so tired and my knees were acting up again so I didn’t go into school. And I’ve been in bed most of the day but still no sleep :/ I’ll try again tonight.
I’m sorry about your day and all the work, it will be the weekend soon tho 🙂
I think it might be time for you to see a doctor about your sleep problems. That’s no way to live.
It’s been like this all year. It hasn’t been as bad as it was last night for a while. But I hope it changes soon, I feel like a zombie.
I really don’t want to go to a doctor :/
You don’t really have a choice.
You could try some of those herbal remedies from Holland & Barrett but I doubt they will be effective.
Are you worried about something; is that why you cant sleep?
I’m worried about everything, my head just likes to fuck with me.
And I’m not sure about those herbal remidies.
And I can’t go to a doctor I’m to scared of them
My sister bought them from Holland & Barrett. I tried a few but they didn’t do much. They aren’t for people like us. We need to battle it with serious artillery that can only be prescribed by a doc. It’s only when I’m on stuff like Duloxetine that it becomes impossible to sleep, generally I can manage.
If I were you I would have gone to the doctor a long time ago. You don’t want them to know about everything else, is that it?
You know now that it’s not going to go away on it’s own. I don’t see what other option there is.
Are you doing your GCSE’s? You can catch up the 6 weeks you have missed no problem. It becomes difficult when the stuff you have missed is relevant to the topics you are currently being taught and it becomes difficult to follow causing you to lose more ground.
If your struggling with something post it on here and I’ll have a look. It’s been a long time for me though. There must be other teenagers on here doing the same subjects that can help.
If school is causing you to worry then that’s something that can be resolved. You could always get help from a teacher on things you don’t understand. I reckon I spent 80% of my time in class messing around so really, if I was more efficient I could have probably crammed the whole year into a month of intense study so it’s not impossible.
Don’t give yourself too much to do, keep on top of things by addressing the problems and not burying your head in the sand.
I moved schools about a year ago, from a shit hole, where I did nothing more than, smoke, do drugs, drink and party. My mum had enough so she moved me, to an all girls private school. It’s pretty boring there and all they ever seem to do I cram work down my throte. The head of pastoral care got told about my OD by the hospital so she has bee talking to my mum and all of the other teachers -_-. I didn’t want anyone to know.
But they do and only one of the teachers has been helpful. The GCSE’s that I do are, math, English, biology, chemistry, physics, art and geography. I hate geography. I used to do history aswell but the work load was to much and I’d bunked both exams so I’ve dropped it.
I’m at school from 8:30- 4:00 and don’t get home until 5:00.
It is a good school, it’s just the work ethic is way to much for me. With everything else that’s going on I just want to come home and curl up In a ball. But I shouldn’t be doing that, I should be doing all of the h/w or revision that we get.
I went to a doctor last year, she saw my arm, I talked about my dad then I was sent to a child bereavement charity, they treated me like I was 5. So I stopped going and haven’t found anyone better since.
I don’t like the doctors because if I tell them everything, they will lock me up, in a mental asylum. And I don’t Want that. And I don’t want to be completely drugged up everyday, my doctor told me I should be on anti depressants but wouldn’t my give me any. So I don’t know what to do.
I’m sorry I’ve gone on a bit.
I think I can relate somewhat. You seem to be suffering and I’m sorry for that.
I don’t like what I see in the mirror either. I spend most of my free time thinking about my actions and reactions that I took the previous day. I feel like I’m so stupid, and I’m good at hiding it. I’m the best actor there is I think. On the outside I look normal and everything is fine, but inside everything is a constant struggle to just stay sane. I am so unhappy and I have no meaning in my life. I have a pretty fun job, some friends, and I play music (which is very important to me) but I’m so generally unhappy with my life. I go through the motions of accommodating people who make small talk and I go through the motions of living life in the most normal way possible. Lately I’ve been thinking about some quotes that I’ve heard and agree with about live. Life being the thing that happens when you’re waiting for moments that never come. Well, I’ve made plans for my life, I have some expectations on what I want my life to be, and I know that right now is a time I should focus on but I’m just so generally dissatisfied with myself…I am trying to find meaning but can’t. I don’t know what would make me happy. Ever since my last girlfriend broke up with me (my fault) I have tried to get her back and finally the realization that it’s an impossibility, just leaves me empty inside and without hope. It used to be that there was an end in sight. We had plans with each other. We were both working toward something. Now it’s all gone. I’ve been without her for like 9 months, and she’s in France while I recede in NYC. I’m a bartender and a musician, I live with a girl, I have a dog…But everything is grey….Food has no taste, I have no desires to do anything. I miss her so much. There’s been a few girls since her, only to drown out the motions on what I should be doing. My girlfriend now is fun, cute, a musician as well. She makes me laugh but she can never live up to who the girl of my dreams were. My last girlfriend. She was my everything…But see, I have this problem, that everything that means anything to me, I destroy and smash into pieces. Just like our relationship. We’ve worked on it and I had the ability to make into something special but I fucking smashed it with my stupidity. Sometimes I feel that I should just get the balls to do what I want to do which is to fucking end it all because I hate everything about myself. She was the only thing that gave me real purpose.
It’s definitely not the case that you’re an “idiot.” Just judging from the couple paragraphs, it’s the opposite.
It’s so funny that these things can really consume us. Just know it’s a total trap.
These ridiculous social perceptions of beauty, and common dating practices are like a spider web.
Some play the role of the spider. Some play the role of the web.
…Some play the role of the person who, in dodging the web, accidentally runs into it, and spends the following minutes frantically swatting at themselves while cursing.
Grumpy, I think you and I (and probably many here) are just in the latter category.
Typo: Gumpy not Grumpy. =_= Sorry.
@ s2419 Your mum made an excellent decision to take you out of that school.
They won’t put you in a nuthouse. You have to be completely gaga to end up in one of those.
@ Gumpy sorry for hijacking your post. At least were not talking about sports.
You’re a pretty cool person. Definitely not freakshow material.
haha, i come home from a long day at school to 18 comments xD
@ s2419- Thanks 🙂 and i’m doing… ok i guess. sad though.
@ Duke of Marmalade- haha that’s ok 🙂 and i couldn’t say i’m cool at all, but thanks haha 🙂
@ BrentFolds- I guess i know what you mean with relationships, experience from my previous ‘fake relationships’, when you find that one person that make you happy and they just drift away right at the moment when things go right. But, atleast you have real relationships and are’nt scared of falling in love. And I know what you mean, when your life might not seem so bad, but you’re sad. That’s for me anyway. Thanks 🙂
@ thegoldenthread- Maybe i’m not an idiot… but something much worse for sure 🙂 haha. I see where you’re coming from. Life is like a spider web. That’s exactly what it’s like. 🙂 Thanks 🙂
@ Gumpy- there are lots of ways to be cool. You have your own style and that doesn’t mean you belong in a freak show. The truth is probably a lot different to the things you write about yourself. I’ve never heard of ‘Runescape’ but the people on there sound like big weirdos. I when on a few chat sites a couple of months back but it didn’t appeal to me. Most of the people on the Internet are not worth knowing let alone talking to unless you treat it as a game but your not that manipulative. You have to build your confidence otherwise people are just going to use or walk all over you.
Duke: I slept !! 7 hours !!!!! And yeah I know your right but this schools no fun. And tbh I’m not far off.
Gumpy: sorry for writing all over your post.
I think you are a lively person ! You are deffonatly not an idiot !!!!
You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. 🙂 I hope you can see it too soon 🙂 x
@Duke of Marmalade- I do have my own ‘style’ buts it’s not a good style. It’s like when a fashion designer designs for fashion and gets his idea chucked out cause it’s crap. I am that crap. God, i sound selfish rambling on about how imperfect i am, sorry lol. And i know, people on those date chat sites are so weird 0.o They worry me…
@s2419-haha that’s okay 🙂 I could never not be hard on myself. That’d be like… if we could breathe underwater without equipment. It’s impossible 0.o
@ s2419 That’s great. When I was your age I found that sleeping was a big problem. I would always put things off until I had a decent rest but that didn’t work because I still had no energy. As I got older it became easier but I still felt tired all the time. Don’t do what I did. I didn’t tackle the real problem because I didn’t understand why it was happening. When things are going well in your personal life you are able to relax more, some of it’s psychological too. It is a problem if it’s affecting your work.
@ Gumpy A lot of people feel that way about themselves. The outside world probably views you differently. Don’t allow yourself to get in situations where you are open to criticism until you can handle it. Everyone has an opinion but it’s how you feel about yourself that counts.
England are in big trouble in the cricket. Can’t handle spinners.
1st Innings
India 521/8 dec
England 41/3
Duke: thanks, I’m trying to. And I had quite a good day today. So I’ll probably sleep well again tonight 🙂
Also, why did you post the cricket scores ? How’s your gambling problem going ?
Err I post cricket, football and horse racing results because it’s important information that people on suicide sites like to know. I haven’t had a bet.
Hehe ok 😀
And good 🙂