I think my life isn’t half bad. In fact others tell me “what do you have to be sad about?.. you have it so good”. Well,  you see I actually feel invisible. I don’t feel  like a matter or have a purpose on this earth. I am 22.. I thought when you become older you stop feeling this way because of hormones. But these past few months I haven’t felt well. So far I don’t eat very much lately, I’ve been wanting to change how I look, I’ve been drinking more than I used to. And I would commit suicide only if I wasn’t hurting […]
Tag:
Oh My God
Today I went to a farm and got some milk and visited the baby cows. (Oh my god, I sound like I’m 5) I really did, isn’t that sad? I talked to the baby cows and they were so cute and I actually felt they accepted me. I’m sure they looked at me in an accepting way. It’s the most social I’ve been in awhile. There was a rooster too, but I didn’t talk to him. They had this tea called kumbuchu? And it’s almost like hard cider , it’s kind of giving me a buzz. That was all after I’d gotten lost for an […]
I am something broken. I was beautiful once, but I lost pieces of myself. I’m trying to find them but they don’t fit right. Do you know what it feels like to look down at yourself and cry because you hate what you see? To feel such loathing towards your own body that you have tried to rip it apart bit by bit? Forgive me if I’m quiet, reserved. I’ve got so much going on in my head that I can’t see straight. I should stop trying to fit in because really, who would ever love a girl with as many problems as me? Oh my God. […]
Yes, that’s what my mother struggled to rub in me yesterday. All because I left my university without her goddamn permission in the midterm. I found a job, she wouldn’t let me work. She claims that I’m living in a kind of faitytale. She wants me to study, study, study… I’m so sick of it. I’m in for a fuckload of problems now. She is running out of money. I am running out of patience. Having to wait for another half-year to be able to work in the summer and pick up the fucking money I need to buy a gun. If I make a […]