My name is Zach, I’m 15 years old, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to kill myself, because I lost count. I know that what I’ve been through is nothing compared to what others have been through, but I feel that doesn’t make it any less valid or painful. My parents got separated Christmas of 2010. Before you explode with the injustice of that date, don’t worry, I’m not Christian, so it wasn’t THAT bad. However, it was the first time something actually went wrong for me. A year passed, and I didn’t really get over it. I started thinking about […]
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Taking fate into ones own hands is either within the concepts of courage or fear. I feel courageous at this moment of my life, unafraid of the possible judgement that lay before me. Perhaps it’s because I’m oblivious to the actual torture and loss of mercy awaiting on the other side. I never intended for my life to unravel in the way it has. So much has transpired throughout the course of the years whilst being diagnosed and at a time when I’ve found true happiness, the true symptoms arise. They have all said to be strong and to keep on fighting and although my […]
Everyone tells me that I’m so lucky, so smart, so attractive. I have everything apparently. But there’s more to life than that superficial crap. In life you need only one thing: a place to belong. This is the thing that I don’t have.
I had a bunch of friends that I thought cared about me. I was wrong. They all stabbed me in the back. I asked them to go easy on me because I thought I was becoming depressed. They told me to grow up. Depression is for children, apparently. Anti-depressants only make me sleepy. I guess the objective is to just sleep your life […]
Do what your supposed to do all day long; job, education or whatever else. You do it because society wants you to do it. There’s no true freedom if you’re told from the first second you’re on this earth that your life is already planned out ahead of you and you only have to live through it and then die.
Freedom means creativity, means purpose in doing something. A true act of freedom is drawing a sunflower on the back of the essay you’re working on, is wearing a pink hoodie to your bank appointment, is going to sleep without setting the alarm, is saying hi […]
I hate myself.
I hate myself because I know that others have it way way worse than me and they aren’t complaining. I hate myself because I am not skinny enough. I am not smart enough. I am not pretty enough. I’m not nice enough. I’m not friendly enough. I’m not out-going enough. I’m not talkative enough. I’m not open enough. I’m not perfect enough. I’m just…. not enough. I hate that I’m such… an attention whore. I hate that a lot of people have it way worse than me and I’m here just cry a river and thinking of ending it, but it ending because […]
This is for You
Because you should know you matter to me, even if it doesn’t matter to you.
What might be missing, and that’s likely a lot, is not a reflection on You, and is just the lack of my skills to put thoughts into words.
After all how could I ever be able to adequately explain how much you mean to me
I see you.
You’re hiding in plain sight, because you think no one will or can see you. How you shrug when someone moves to close. You sob under your breath, thinking no one will bother to notice. The dried up lines, […]
I’ve contemplated suicide for most of my life. In fact, I recall my first memory of considering killing myself at the age of 9. I’m in my early 20s now attending university and in the time that has passed I still question why I didn’t end it all those years ago.
I never am “good enough.” No matter what I do or how well I do it, I am never complacent. Which leaves me constantly feelings disappointed and worthless. After years of these emotions, inflamed by periods of depression and social anxiety I feel I’m ready to end it. End everything. The sadness. […]
Hi all,
I found this site accidentally whilst researching suicide options on-line and I have to say it is quite comforting knowing there are so many people out there that are battling with suicidal wishes…
A little about me…
I am 30, female from UK. I have struggled with depression from a young age and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder last year.
I showed a lot of promise when I was young, teachers constantly commented on my academic ability and apart from general rebellion I was a good kid, that was until I was 12. I was sexually abused by a family friend and that was the kick start […]
Everyone hates the attention seekers. The ones who always say things to get others attention and pity. The ones who tell someone every inch of his or her personal, tragical and dramatic life just to get a reaction. Attention seekers disgust everyone. People are sick of them.
One thing I hate most about myself, is that I kind of am an attention seeker. I do things to get others pity without even noticing it. It’s like there’s two sides of me; a side who does everything possible to get attention, pity and all the things I wrote about earlier, and a side, who doesn’t want to […]
All my life I’ve struggled against the pain. I’ve wondered what was wrong with me. I’ve carried the demon around for so long I almost forget that other people don’t. I first felt truly suicidal when I was 8 years old. I hated life so much. I don’t think I realized people liked and loved me because I felt so worthless on the inside. We moved when I was 10, and I thought geography would cure me. The pain only got worse with puberty. I even wrote a story about committing suicide, but the school never addressed it.
In 9th grade, a friend died in a […]
I honestly cannot find the words anymore, nothing to comfort others. I’m just blank, more or less like something that’s been erased. As i sit there constanly with the thoughts of suicide, it moves down my spin.. hurting more and more, like ice onto an ocean. I technically cannot classify myself from an ocean. Because in my mind: I see an Ocean as peaceful, full of life, moving to keep the life going. It’s like we are here to be here? If that makes sense, but unlike others we feel it all, we feel it more and more & it dwells in our minds that […]
I don’t know if I’m more mad at him or myself for finally trusting so quickly. Being so naive. Every last bit of my insides are screaming at me. “You’re stupid! You shouldn’t have trusted another human being!”
The basis of what happened? I let this guy in. I met him here at college, confided in him. Showed him my scars. He kissed them. I thought he was growing to care for me. It happened. He got in my pants. He had his way with me and I wanted it too. I believed he would stay when it was all over.
He didn’t. I was damaged as […]
I don’t understand why some people are so comfortable in their own skin and others (like me) would give just about anything to climb out of my body and beat it to death with a stick? I mean right now, if I had the most gorgeous and intelligent female on the planet hitting on me or begging me for attention I would cower away because as lonely and touch-starved as I am I creep myself out.
The thing that makes this all so illogical is that when we are comfortable and confident with ourselves we actually attract other people regardless of how imperfect our physical presence […]
I think sometimes in life you take the path that seems the most daring and obvious to you, but sometimes that path isnt the right one. For me it was the art path, since i was 16 i dreamed of being a great artist someday, i worked my ass off for years, putting aside friends,health and everything else, because everyone knows usually if you want to succeed and have a living in art you either need incredible luck or work your ass off everyday. Well i chose not to rely on luck and work my ass off, and even then, it wasnt enough. After almost […]
Humanity seems to believe the absurd ideology that all humans are created equal. Therefore, when someone has something like ADHD, or some other disorder, be it mental or physical, of course others will try to ostracise them! We’re raised in a society that says everyone is the same, and that people can do anything if they set their minds to it. This society is fucked up. Many “disorders” or “syndromes” aren’t detrimental at all, but rather, they’re different ways of acting and perceiving. Why can’t they be respected as such, and why do people with these differences have to be seen as inferior to others […]
I don’t like humans. My main goals in life are to never reproduce and die. Euthanasia should be legalised, therefore all of the nice people don’t have to put up with others’ bullshit. Going to war against others and killing them is okay, but suicide is completely disrespectful to humankind. That just makes me want to die more, because I fucking hate humanity. Everyone has about as much meaning as a rock or a ball of crap that a dung beetle rolls up. People believe in God because they can’t handle knowledge. Everyone likes to be stupid. Just look how popular drugs, alcohol, and sex […]
I don’t know much about this site. I don’t know if anyone is actually reading this. I don’t want to complain, and I don’t want to make anything worse. I only want to write; I love to write. I can’t imagine I’m very good at it, but I love it. It’s among the only things that distracts from everything else.
I really can’t do it anymore.
I’ve tried so hard for so many years. The depression, the anxiety, the stress, the unprecedented shame and awkwardness, the never-ending pot of guilt, and the hopelessness. I’ve seen so many counselors, I’ve been on meds, I spent a […]
My life changed 7 weeks ago.
7 weeks ago I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend via email. What was worse, I found out that he planned to fly her out to our home whilst I was visiting family.
I called him on it and I ended up going back to visit the family as planned but knowing this woman would be coming into our home and sleeping with my husband in our bed. I told no-one but the pain was immense.
I felt I couldn’t say that much as we had also been the result of an affair some 19 years […]
Dear Maman,
As it has now been a number of weeks since our previous discussion, and you have not only failed to apologise to me for badmouthing me to your family behind my back, but have no doubt also failed to correct any of the half-truths and exaggerations you made in the process*.
In addition to this, you appear to struggle to consider the needs of others. For example, despite my pleading, refusing to attend my suicide-prevention counselling sessions because you felt stressed.
When I took the decision to meet you again a couple years ago after a long and acrimonious separation, I really wanted to believe you […]