Hi all,
I found this site accidentally whilst researching suicide options on-line and I have to say it is quite comforting knowing there are so many people out there that are battling with suicidal wishes…
A little about me…
I am 30, female from UK. I have struggled with depression from a young age and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder last year.
I showed a lot of promise when I was young, teachers constantly commented on my academic ability and apart from general rebellion I was a good kid, that was until I was 12. I was sexually abused by a family friend and that was the kick start in things going Pete Tong. I also had an alcoholic father who was abusive to my mom and pretty much absent when it came to me. I went off the rails after the abuse and have literally been on a path of self destruction ever since. I have allowed myself to get tangled up in abusive relationships, have self abused through alcohol, drugs and food. I am now in a state of complete despair and cannot see a way out. I have pushed everyone who cares away so spend most of everyday alone without any contact from anyone. I have always worked, even though I’ve lost jobs I always find another, but in May this year I lost the best job I have ever had and since then I have been at my lowest. I found another role but it fell through and I now have a pending eviction date from my home and that means becoming homeless and re-homing my cats, who are my only companionship.
So, here I am, researching suicide methods on-line with the intention of completing it before I have to leave my home. I initially planned to take an overdose and have been storing medication for a long time, but then I watched a documentary on TV about murder and learned antifreeze is deadly even in small doses so I have found a store on-line that sells one with the potent ingredient in…
I have battled periods of suicide often over the years and have even attempted before, but my family have been the only reason I haven’t been successful. The general opinion of suicide is that is it selfish, but for years I have been selfless, living with my pain and struggles for the sake of others, and I just can’t cope any more.
x
4 comments
Yo.
I’m sorry things have been this way on you. That sucks very much. Nothing more to say.
I’m just two days after my first and most stupid ever suicide attempt someone could ever have – overdosing Aspirin. Family doesn’t know, of course, because it looked like food poisoning. My life sucks and I told the story of my mere existence so many times… I don’t think I’m even meant to live, but screw it. I just feel pathetic and powerless more than I had been before trying.
So it is. Think 10000 times before trying. If it won’t work you’ll become even more powerless.
The best wishes. I believe that things will right…
All I am doing now is biding time and waiting to see if things are to improve. If I do decide on suicide I will not fail..
I am still here for others even though I am a lost cause, if you ever want to talk x
Welcome to the site. I hope somehow things get better x
As someone who was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder, I know what it feels like with Ups and Downs. Although the psychiatrist I saw based her diagnosis on only one meeting and notes from my therapist…
I’m not sure if I have bi-polar disorder or not. I don’t really experience “happy” ups.
She said my “up” moments are “moments of peace and relaxation”, but the downs are extreme depression and sadness. I don’t take any medicine anymore. I haven’t for 5 years. I experience severe downs where I just want to die. It’s all I think about. I can’t do anything.
And then a few days or a week later, things go back to normal for a while.
You never know how things will suddenly turn around for you. For good or for worse.
I lost my job, more or less, because I got married to the person I was in love with. That lifestyle didn’t co-incide with the beliefs of the higher-ups. They didn’t renew my work-contract. It sucked. Just married in a new home…and boom…hit with unemployment. In a foreign land I might add.
It sucked big time and I often feel like there is no way out.
But I started my own company. I am with the love of my life who really cares about me. My clients are very happy.
I don’t make a lot of money, I don’t sleep much, I don’t have a lot of friends, and I have little time to study the language of this country. Still, I count the small blessings I have.
I’ve always managed to change my crappy situations around in the past with hard work. I’m sure I can do it again. As long as my brain doesn’t wig out on me and get all sad and mopey.