It’s days like today when I’m in so much pain that I can’t even go to work that I am the most miserable. I hurt so bad I can barely move and so all I can do is sit here and think. Thinking is dangerous.
Tag:
pain
I sit here looking out my window wishing a stray bullet would just come through and end it all.
Other times i sit and see the Semi trucks pass by. wondering and knowing it could end if I would just step right out in front of it.
Another night of self hatred. No way to get out, No way to make anything better.
Maybe for once Something will answer my pleads and just finish me off.
I wouldnt care if i died in a brutal way. Just want it to end.
No strength to fight, NO strength to end it myself. NO power to get by.
I am a ghost who […]
Everyday I get up and I go to work or I clean my house and all the while I’m faking a smile.
It’s not much but it’s hard and it’s leaving its mark.
I pretend I don’t hurt because that’s what they deserve, but the pain never fades and my guilt only stays.
It doesn’t matter how hard I try to atone for my sins because the slate can never truly be cleaned.
There’s this pit in my stomach and my conscience is grim.
How can I be happy when you always remind me of my sins.
These transgressions pull at me and when I’m […]
I haven’t been on here in a while, but everything has started going downhill. It’s like I’m falling into a vortex of pain and misery, and I just can’t seem to escape. Grades are down, friends are lost, the only thing I can do now is throw myself into swim training and hope that the exhaustion takes my mind off how I’m feeling. I’ve been chasing a dream for my entire life. I just realised that it wasn’t my dream that I was chasing. For some people, they can imagine where their future leads them, where they will be in 10, 15 years. For me, […]
I have many things I’m supposed to be thankful for. A full time job. A roof over my head. I don’t go hungry. A reliable, fuel efficient, comfortable car. Why should I hate my life? I don’t know, but I do. I hate that every plea for company to distract my mind from the negativity that I can’t stop, goes unanswered. I hate that when I vent in the only place I can think of where people I know (facebook) I just get kind words from people who will never actually do anything to help, or I get anger-filled responses that blame me for not […]
I don’t know how I ended up here. I had so much “potential.” I was smart, funny and somewhat attractive. Atleast on the outside. I suffer alone, in silence. I go through my day taking care of everyone and everything else while inside the pain is unbearable. On the outside people would say what do I have to complain about? They don’t understand. They see what I allow them to see. I try to compensate for my emotional pain with outward success. The more I hurt the more I try to accomplish. I feel so lost. I have always been expendable to the people that […]
let me first say hello to those who know me and know that I am well..
I know that I haven’t posted here in a while but I feel it is in need for me to post.. I am here because well I have not found that reason yet and well I do not plan on it. My story is complex and no one seems to understand that it will never get better for me. I know that it had been a long road for me and I have been fighting for so long to keep on going and well I think that my fight is […]
Living on earth is like climbing a mountain with the goal of getting to the opposite side. Many will attempt to climb all the way to the summit, others succumb and travel around the side of mountain, and a select few will take the short cut – a high speed train blazing through the tunnel to reach the other side. Eventually all of us will end up at the same destination – at the base of the mountain at the other side.
I envy those who never existed on this earth. They may have missed experiencing pleasure but to miss experiencing pain is even sweeter.
You’re the most beautiful pain. You’re so cruel and vain. But still, I’d go if you call me, I’d die if you ask me. I’d fight if you want me. I’d do anything for you. I love you more than you could knew. I just wish I have the courage to tell you, what I feel for you. Wish I could tell, how I wish I could erase you, but you’re on my daily thoughts and on my days. That makes it harder to forget. But your such a beautiful pain, that I’d be glad to have you for the rest of my days. […]
So. Tonight I was the closest I’ve ever gotten to finally killing myself. I mean it’s been maybe 8 months since I came to the conclusion that I needed to die, yet all I have to show for it are some fading scratches on my arm. It’s also been only a little bit shorter since I’ve started cutting myself – not so much because it made me feel better, but to get used to the pain and basically practice. I have to admit though, it usually did make the pain go away for the moment – except today. I made a deliberately deeper cut than […]
You did say that if my right hand caused me to sin, then I should cut it off than to have my whole body thrown in hell. But the thing is, I never said I want to be a part of any of your divine agenda–I never agreed to be born, and to put someone in this nightmare they cant wake up from, is an act of pure evil.
You caused me great pain from the day that I was born, and all I am worth is hell. WHat other unthinkable ways of torture have you thought of throwing at me in the future and in my life […]
my wisdom tooth have been aching me for quite some time now. the pain got unbearable and i decided to remove the tooth. unfortunately for me all medical health workers were on strike so the two student dentists couldnt get their hands on enough anasthetic to douse the pain. turned out they applied the little one they had wrongly and it only had little effect on the pain. i almost dropped dead while the two dumb student dentist tried to remove the tooth, my mouth windpipe and even my nose was filled with blood, they kept on hitting and hammering for two hours before the […]
I have been cutting for two years. My parents found out last may. Seemed like they didnt cre. I stopped for my friend becaus he askdd me to stop or he would tell my principle. I stopped. I have been feeling like cutting again. I wanna see the blood running down my arm mimicking my pain.
Today is the 2 week mark that I haven’t taken pain killers. I AM CRAVING THEM SO BAD. But in their place I am cutting myself more and drinking more. Whatever I can do to try to make the pain go away. I miss the pills, like I miss the effect. I didn’t feel anything, I didn’t think about anything. I just sat there. And I like not thinking, because I don’t think of all the bad things. I don’t have to remember everything that I’m trying to forget. But I am trying to stop cutting myself, so when i wear short sleeves i wont […]
My previous post was about my saving up but, due to recent events… I’m just going to do what I had in mind quite a few months ago… I am going to go out to the woods, take some pain killers, cut myself up(if that doesn’t work) I’m just going to climb up a tree and hang myself… No one will find my body, no one will care, no one will notice…
My life is just a nightmare that will never stop hurting me…
I have to end my pain… once and for all! :'(
Spirit-bomb of Goku
I don’t get it
The way that I come
Not like Chi-Chi
I don’t know
The way to make-it
Do you hate me
Do you want me to feel pain
I’m here for you, I always be
In the same that I always was
I just need your spirit
I’m not here to steal you from a man
Koji, I love you, too, and I don’t know
I’ll make-it for you, too
I want you by my side
Just take-me to the place that I found
I can show you
I have no-more, do you want to hear my pain
You can […]
Its going on two years. Living with chronic pain. I
Tired to commit suicide. By over dos an cutting my wrist. But. I ended in a mental hospital for a few weeks. Im 25. I have a spine injury, kidney problems ulcer from being on pain meds. An just had an organ removed. I just found out I have a mass on my ovaries. I truly just want to die. Feel no more pain. My boyfriend of 6 years left me because I cant be sexual. The only person that matters to me passed. I told my doctors after two years of […]
I have a friend
His name is knife
Quiet, sharp and always right
He won’t judge me
For my actions
He listens, he gleams and then he strikes.
Carves a tombstone for my pain
Dipped in red ink and washed in rain
Cause you know what they say
An inch of sting
Is better than a lifetime of grey ache.
At least tell me if you can’t help
Can you help toward guide me
You know that we’re still, friends
Forever, I don’t know what’s you delio
Living in the dog-house, the monkey
Doesn’t walk-around anymore is me
Goddamned, don’t let me curse, anymore
What about, your other pal, then
I need the collaboration to termination
Of a, of, of a, reptilian
And I am, the ancient, living, now I know
Of the existence through, this pain that none a soul
I will conquer, I’m talking, out of this blue
Retribution is not a vengeance
Why does it say, see a snake, do you still follow
In the detail, I’m talking about, out of this blue
On to another, hey, you […]
i am fighting the hurt i feel inside. after 13 years of giving my time, love, and heart to this woman, within a few days, she betrayed me and left me all alone. i am 53 years old and lost my youth by giving it all to her. it’s been 5 years now but still the pain comes and goes but mainly comes and stays for a long while. i have tried courting other women but none of them are interested.my heart seems unable to heal. my daughter wouldn’t give me an ear, my family is not interested, no one really to talk to. i […]