and in this life never did I see so much hurt and pain. As a child I was attracted to the light to the happiness but as I grew older and realized that you can’t plan life that little dream of mine grew distant and blurry I knew that I’d have to runaway to find this dream of mine. My dream house grew colder day by day and suddenly i was no longer attracted to the light. Happiness made me uncomfortable I knew how quickly it could all end. I felt company with the darkness being happy felt lonely. We are told so many stories […]
I dont know exactly how to word this. Nor do i know why i feel the way i do every single day. Im often wasting my life away, feeling that damn tired feeling that makes me want to lay down and wish for the pain in my heart to stop. I keep asking myself why when the pain consumes my mind, suicide rings like a clear message.
Im a 19 year old, high school graduate male. Bisexual in my tastes, and the abomination the church I once sought comfort in, would now view me if i come out. I’ve never had a relationship. I’m dead scared […]
Your voice was the only thing that could calm me down. When I was on the bathroom floor with a bottle of pills and a cold blade in my hand, you were there. You called me and just hearing your voice made me relax and breath. You changed me but you left. I have no idea who i am anymore or what my purpose is. Im lost without you by my side. I cry everyday at the thought that i wont be hearing your voice before i fall asleep. I wont be hearing your voice when i wake up. I wont be getting any sweet […]
I can’t cope with the humiliation, degradation & isolation one more day.
I can’t handle the pain, physical & emotional, anymore.
I’ve tried to continue.
But this life is too humiliating to bear.
There is so much pain in my heart. I can’t make you stay and that is breaking me inside and I wish you could se how much I love you, how much I need you. Please help me find a way to tell you, to let you know that without you I am lost. Help me to find a way to tell that I’ll ruin myself to fix you. I’d do anything to fix you. I’d do anything for you.
Everyone makes painful, frustrating, aggravating experiences. But the question is – are there also some wonderful experiences to look forward to, that make it worth to put up with the bad ones? You can’t define the value of either experiences by logic (neither positive, nor negative). Perhaps, it’s even not possible to describe them in such a way, that people, who didn’t experience them, truly understand them. I believe, the most powerful positive experiences are built upon the feeling of affinity, belonging to this world. It’s […]
Wrists of Schist
The secrets I keep,
circle my mind.
Every night,
Never confined.
Like a whispered song,
In a loop that won’t end.
Going and going
‘til it all seems to blend.
the people I’ve hurt.
the torture, the damage.
all of it I wish,
I wish it would vanish
But the pain is too much.
It shows on my wrists.
Seeping out with the blood,
Looking like a schist
Then hiding another secret,
Yet again, another lie.
More cuts, more excuses,
But never do I cry
And each night I still lie there
With the secrets, the thoughts
In hopes of forgetting
The pain that I’ve got
But the pain is still there.
The guilt in my heart
Being etched in it’s stone
Will it tear me apart?
I am so full of hate…despair…anger…hopelessness…desperation…that I feel as though I would explode. and I usually do…and like a black hole’s singularity, I collapse up on my emotions. there I’m lost in the silence that follows the chaos I’m surrounded with,
I’ve longed for death since I was a boy of 10. I don’t know how or why it started, but the darkness in me out grew me. the depression engulfed me. the sadness drowned me.
and in my few sane episodes, I boil with the anger that pushes me to madness. in those moments of my own version of sanity, I look to the […]
morning folks, here we go again. the overwhelming urge to end it has passed, finally. and im back to sort of functioning again.still have all the problems though. no job, facing eviction, no food. why kill myself quickly and comfortably when all i have to do is wait and slowly die of malnutrition and hypothermia? oh well, guess meathod dont matter if the results are the same. i have learned some things this past week that i didnt know before. #1- this website- wow, wish i had found this long ago. reading the posts is like reading my story. #2-feelings- surprise, surprise. who knew. i […]
Why I have to face myself everyday with depression and anxiety I don’t know, I just wanted to be liked and loved but sadly I never was and it doesn’t help when family members and pets had to die on me, I’m lost and alone an I’ve been contemplating suicide for a long time, I tried once before but my mum came in my room as I was fading out and stopped me before I died, I just don’t know what to do I have a life like everyone else but no one to Love at the same time and no one to love me […]
My depression started when i was 11. My father had been abusing me and cheating on my mother then she eventually got tired of it and her left when i was 12. Haven’t talked to him since. My mother went into deep depression after he left and she started abusing prescription drugs (soma, vicoden etc) she had very unmanageable diabetes and was in and out of the hospital for 6 years. Then she passed away 3 years ago when i was 18. She died from an accidental pill overdose. Ever since then ive had so much emotional pain. I dont know how to deal with […]
Life can be full of pain.
Most people have difficulties dealing with every day life,
and it’s more serious circumstances.
Some people are luckier than others,
they deal with mundane and less serious things.
Some aren’t so lucky.
What led me here?
What led those I have cared for here,
in this down in life state?
Monsters,
they don’t care for the consequences of their actions,
only their selfish gains.
Do monsters feel pain?
Do they know the depth of damage they cause others?
Do they know the lives they destroy?
I don’t believe in karma.
There is no ‘being patient’ for karma […]
My life is more than fine, its actually great. I’m about to pay off all my student loans next year. I have a job that pays well with comprehensive benefits. My husband is amazing, and we grow closer every day. I have my own side business doing something I love. So, why can’t I seem to focus on the good?
Why am I so overcome by pain, sadness, emptiness, and fear that I can barely think about anything else besides the serenity of death? I just want to sleep, and sleep forever. I don’t want this life, and nothing in it seems worth waking up every morning for. […]
I find my post is different than most but also has an underlying similarity…. Suicide aside. I’m almost 30. I have a good job, the usual BS to deal with. I’ve travelled the world. I’ve seen amazing things and experienced one of a kind moments. I’ve laughed till I cried, I have stories that could lead to movie bestsellers…. I could list a million reasons why I shouldn’t kill myself but the hurt I carry with me is too heavy.
Like others, my childhood was not perfect. Lots of fighting, confusion and pain, but that’s not what I blame. I grew up as the youngest of […]
How heavy is your depression? Anybody else have that incessant ache in their neck & shoulders from the weight?
Breaking Bad episode 402 – Thirty-Eight Snub, right at the end Jessie Pinkman, [Aaron Paul] turns up the volume, & sits down in front of the speaker… & while he is struggling to hold it all in, he briefly rubs his neck…
I’ve had the pain so long that I had forgotten that I even used to do that. I had long since stopped because it never helped to relieve any pain or aching. It made me wonder though… Someone else must know that same ache.
i was gonna do it weeks ago. but something, someone stopped me, canceled out the pain, but now, they’re all i can think about and if im not thinking about them im struck down by stomachaches to the point of nausea, of crying. i know i will never see them again. they dont even know my name. i want to do it, but im just so confused rn idk like i just dont know
Talking about the good moments of my childhood forces me to be both nostalgic and incredibly sad at the same time. I wish things were that simple because even though I didn’t have a particularly easy childhood, a child’s problems are so much less complex. Today I decided to text a friend that I haven’t spoken to in a while. We met through a therapy group and somehow we clicked, even though neither of us are the most vocal of people. But I feel like we understood the pain in each other’s eyes, in a way no one else could. We never told each other […]
I have noticed a relatively common theme among suicidal people is the belief that the people around them – and the world in general – would be “better off” without them. They often express remorse and inner turmoil for the pain they have caused others.
It’s strange – even during my own darkest moments, I never believed anyone would actually be “better off” without me. No better or worse? Absolutely (truthfully, that is where much of my pain derived from – the fact that it didn’t seem to matter whether or not I existed). But not better.
The way I see it, if you recognize the fact […]
I have read a lot of posts from here over the years, particularly when I Google something random and crazy about death or killing myself lol. I decided to make an account earlier when I read some posts about donating organs after suicide. I have been in love with death for many years now. I think I romanticize the thought in my head too much sometimes. I am of peaceful and sound mind. I would never hurt anyone so I assure those reading this that no one (except maybe my own self..) is in any physical danger on my behalf.
I am going to be 23 […]