Your voice was the only thing that could calm me down. When I was on the bathroom floor with a bottle of pills and a cold blade in my hand, you were there. You called me and just hearing your voice made me relax and breath. You changed me but you left. I have no idea who i am anymore or what my purpose is. Im lost without you by my side. I cry everyday at the thought that i wont be hearing your voice before i fall asleep. I wont be hearing your voice when i wake up. I wont be getting any sweet texts from you anymore. I wont get anything. I wont have anything. I gave you my heart and you left. My life is going to shit right now and you have no idea how hard it is for me to wake up in the mornings now. I have shitty grade to the point i might not be able to graduate. I got kicked off the fire department because of it. I lost you. You were the only thing keeping me together. You were keeping me alive, I woke up every morning with the thought that someone out there loved me, and that was you. But you left. You left like everyone else. You just threw our relationship out the window like it was nothing. And now im starting to think that you never even cared about it or me. You told me you loved me…was that a lie? Was everything a lie just to get what you wanted from me? The thoughts of suicide are coming back into my head. Every day. Every second of the day. I dont want to leave but i find no purpose in life anymore. I need you here with me. I want you. You made me happy. You made me feel protected and safe. You made me feel like i was wanted here in this world. But your gone and i cant get you back no matter how hard i try. No matter what i say, i know for a fact you wont take me back…I miss you more than anything. So this is my goodbye. Tonight at 6:00pm Im gonna end everything. Im gonna take away my pain and others pain. No one will have to deal with me. No one will have to put up with my shit. Im done. Its over. I just dont wanna see the pain in my dads face when he finds me tonight. I know for a fact he will be the one finding me because hes the captain of the fire department and hes working tonight. Ill be home alone which will be the best time to do it. Ill be writing a letter to my now ex boyfriend telling him how sorry i am for ever being in his life. That im sorry for causing him pain. For putting up with my shit. For everything. But this is my last goodbye. I will be back one last time before i end everything. My life is over and i dont see a future for me anymore. Im sorry. Goodbye.
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4 comments
Be brave if your going to do it don’t think about it I am to scared to do it but I want to…Goodbye
Why give all of your power away to someone else? You love so intensely. That is a good thing. What would it be like if you loved yourself that much? A man ought not to be the last piece of the puzzle. You are whole and important without someone else. I’m sorry you are in pain. If you do get the chance, I recommend reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
I’m sorry for the pain and heartbreak you are feeling, but I strongly believe that NO ONE is worth taking your life over. You are your own person and capable of living a good life on your own merits. Love is wonderful, but nobody should be allowed to have a life-or-death control over us. Best wishes.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Why don’t you ask him back. Your life is so precious and amazing and i know i don’t know you. I know there has to be someone in your life who really cares about you! I think you should go talk to the people who are causing you to do this, and if they don’t understand then screw them because there is so much more in life, and if you die there’s no going back. Go talk about it with someone and try to hang on I know it’s hard.