Not too long ago, I was taking a shower. Brother was being an ass, my Dad just got his ass arrested, and I was sick of dealing with myself. I reached for the razor. I’ve never exactly cut myself. People can see those marks as clear as day, especially with my pale skin. But that doesn’t mean I can’t inflict pain. I just do it in ways that leave no marks. But that day, all I wanted to do was break that razor. I don’t know how long I stood there, just staring at that sharp piece of metal. It was all I wanted to […]
Tag:
Pale Skin
Sometimes I feel like i’m nobody at all. I just feel detached, ya know? Like a dream. And things just start happening around me. I move or say something and things react slowly. I just stare at a screen that spies on my life but then there’s that sense that it’s not even my life that I’m watching. Somebody else says something, but they’re not speaking to me. They aren’t even talking to Lynne. And neither of us answer. It’s almost like somebody else is occupying my body. There’s my pale skin, my messy hair; my face and my eyes and my hands but inside […]
Whoa boy, is it Sunday, again? It’s like this week went by so slow.
I’m not Christian, I’ll admit it. I don’t go to church, because I gave up on religion when I first tried to commit suicide when I was.. 12 I think? I can’t remember a lot. But since I’m a good little boy, I guess I can ‘offer’ up a little post from home. Just so any stuck-up Christian people that may see this don’t chew me out for ‘not going to church’ and ‘abandoning the “lord” ‘.
I was going to type up a religious and suicidal comparison thing. But then I thought of a […]
I wrote my suicide letter today. So sure that I’m ready to do it. I let out my loudest cry. I voiced it. Yet it went unheard. No one taking me seriously. Thinking it’s only for attention. I was embarrassed when I told them. Humiliating. Yet she stood there and said it’s my fault, and she thought it was only for attention. Left me in disgust. I like being unseen but when I ask for your help so that I can live happily I expect you to give a damn so I’m not suffering in freaking silence, going through each day asking myself what did […]
Dark hair and pale skin. Morbid thoughts behind an innocent smile. Intellectual venom behind gazing eyes. She is a Goddess. She reigns over my very essence. She beckoned me long ago into her enchantment and I was never able to break free. I witnessed her destroy an entire religion. She is fixed upon the winter’s, cold night sky. She rides among the Phoenix. I desperately await her return. To gaze upon her in astonishment. I will bow to her infinite wisdom and her lucid insight. In the summer night, she is nowhere to be found. She sleeps.
Ten years ago
We were both fifteen. Teenagers. Too old to be called children, and barely old enough to be called teens. Too old to be taken care of, but too young to get many freedoms. Lost, reckless and confused, much like the majority of our age group. Except for one tiny difference: we were being held in a school for emotionally unstable teens.
Neither of us thought there was anything wrong with ourselves, but apparently the rest of the world disagreed. We were both there for the same reason, which was cutting and repeated suicide attempts. Nothing some special school could fix; just a bit of […]
I almost can’t believe how long my depression has gone on for. 5 Years I have been living in my own personal hell, with no good ending in sight. I’m sick of having to put up with myself, day after day. Worthless crazy ***** is what I am. All I want to do is die. Feel death’s cold grips against my consciousness. I want to watch the blood pour out of my pale skin, ending my pathetic life. If you can call it a life. I have no friends, they’ve all abandoned me for greater things. I’ve tried to talk to them again, but I […]
found this poem online n made me think about a lot.
i thought i’ll share it with you guys.
 Razorblade
As the razorblade slides threw my pale skin,
the red, warm blodd starts to run down my arm.
It goes faster and faster.
The sut is so deep,
like it’s never been before.
The razorblade turns all red,
full of blood.
I know now theres no turning back.
The scare of my pain will always be there forever.
I’ll always have the memories.
I just had to let the pain go somehow.
This is the way I do.
Thoughts of suicide start to run threw […]
In my dream death is everywhere.
Old decrpit buildings covered in filth, with shattered windows, and battered remnants tower before me.
No matter which way I turn my eyes see only rot.
Barely any souls here as I walk alone on this dismal planet.
The Earth is littered with black ooze, squirming and gestating something I can not and dare not bare to imagine.
The black ooze begins to screech and shriek  even though they have no mouths.
I scream as I cover my ears, but it does nothing to block out the foul and horrid sounds.
Like a horrible siren only a hundred times worse.
Somehow I manage to escape this awful wailing.
Thousands of black creatures that swarm like locust cover […]