Todays been horrible. Lately I’ve been wishing that someone crashed into my car. I just cut a while ago n I’m bout to go get some weed. I’m fucking tired of everything I realize that I don’t longer want to be here. I should be excited for all senior events but I’m not I just want to get the fuck out of school already. I want out I don’t even care about my grades no more. I want to DIE!!. There I said it. I don’t know how much longer ill be able to hold on.
I feel so used n fucking disgusting…..
So I got called a life saver today.. twice. I’m a life saver that thinks about taking her own life sometimes. Seems kind off ironic doesn’t it???
I just want to end my life. There doesn’t seem to be any reasons to stay…
So I’ve been thinking it might be a good thing to go back to therapy I’m some what scared. But it might be a good thing for me…I need help..
A friend of mine found out today that I have started cutting again and well he doesn’t like that. I tried to make him understand that I’ve tried to stop but it’s hard. Now he won’t really talk to me I think he’s mad. He probably does have the right to be I’ve lied over and over again. I’m not sure what to do I really don’t want to loose him. Any suggestions???
Right now at this moment I would like to fall asleep peacefully n never wake up.
Aghhh I dint think these thoughts would come back. Wanting to disappear, be in my own world. Where there’s no problems, no arguing, no one to blame me for everything. Suicide?? I thought this thought had left. Maybe it never did its been deep inside me just wanting to come back out again. I admit I’m a bit scared… I don’t like it very much having these thoughts. I just wish I knew how to get rid of them…..
So I’m currently at the ER. The waiting room was full but I found a quite place to sit at but the ***** ass wanna be police officer security guy. Told me I wasn’t allowed to sit there. So I’m out sitting in the hallway. Nurses walk by, lots of people some sick some not. This one guy walked by smelling a shit lot like weed.
Currently I’ve decided I’m no longer going to smoke weed. I thought it be easy, I’d stopped before. But its not cause right now I’d really like to get high. Or cut. But I also decided I shouldn’t do […]
I told him I smoked weed this weekend n that back in April I had smoked even though I told him I didn’t. I thought it was better to be honest with him but apparently I was wrong. Now he’s all serious n don’t really want to talk to me. I feel horrible now, but I don’t think I did anything wrong. Did I?? Oh well I guess I won’t care. FUKK IT!!! I’ll fuck up my life. Summers here, if all goes well I won’t have to put up with anything anymore.
I was doing research for a paper I had to do for English. Topic suicide, and that’s how I found out about this website. How did you guys find out about it??
I don’t think I’m scared of suicide anymore. The though of doing it isn’t scary, I think I would actually go through with it. Will I be missed?? Yea. But they’ll get over it eventually. Won’t they??
Times like this I just want to disappear. Just vanish into thin air. No one will ever find me. I lay here looking at the stars, wonder if there’s any were I can go n forget everything.
So today was my birthday. I wanted one and only thing to be left alone. Did I get it no. instead I had family come n wish me the best. I know they care but its like everytime I smile its fake. I hate giving out fake smiles but what do I do? Tell them how I feel. Depressed. If I do then I get endless questions. Maybe today wasn’t one of the best days. Idunno. I guess I’ll just try to keep going even though sometimes…those thoughts come back.
found this poem online n made me think about a lot.
i thought i’ll share it with you guys.
As the razorblade slides threw my pale skin,
the red, warm blodd starts to run down my arm.
It goes faster and faster.
The sut is so deep,
like it’s never been before.
The razorblade turns all red,
full of blood.
I know now theres no turning back.
The scare of my pain will always be there forever.
I’ll always have the memories.
I just had to let the pain go somehow.
This is the way I do.
Thoughts of suicide start to run threw […]
this is my first post so if i jibber-jabber to much i do apologize. im new at this the thought of a bunch of strangers reading this is still kind of weird but one of you might be or have been in the position im in and i would actually like to know the thoughts of someone that i guess can somewhat understand me. so here goes a bit of whats on my mind right now….
i get suicidal thoughts a lot lately. a couple days ago, i guess you can say i had a bit of a melt down. i was texting one of […]