the night I tried to kill myself. For the first time. I suffer from severe panic attacks and depression and that night I was home alone with a full bottle of acetaminophen. I took about 30 capsules hoping it would work. I didn’t I was In a coma for about 27 hours and I woke up in the hospital. I’m Not really any better
Tag:
panic
breathe,i must remember to breathe. in, out, in, out…,paralyzing fear. like the first time i was shot at. my brain is numb, and has a difficult time making decisions. must do. anything. so scared. so damn emotional. making me crazier. cant stop crying. no more tears and i cant stop crying. seeking help, but what can be done? it dont go away. the only ones who understand are in the same boat with me and sinking fast. so disconnected from evrything. i want to die. yet, i want to live. i want to experience joy, happines and all the good emotions that i have denied […]
People have killed themselves over more and over less. If truth be told, this is not the first, second, or third attempt. It is not even the first attempt this month.
I just want to say that I’m overall pretty disappointed in mankind. We’re selfish, rude, vindictive, spiteful, and no matter how much “word of god” is preached, the more religious are usually the most corrupt.
I ended my life with trust in one person. He told me that if I killed myself, I would go to hell. I think he just told me that to scare me. I hope that he just told me that to […]
It started out with being fired and then it went to trying to come off paxhell! Rapid heart beat…hospitalization for the first time for panic attack. Its been a slow downward spiral for 6 months. Two days ago i realized all this pain is my fault and i can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the ocd and the guilt, the derealization, the pills. I can barely hold down my job. Im afraid im going to give up. I can’t take it. Waiting to see this specialist and this specialist. Im so embarrassed but i dont have the energy to wait anymore. Im so tired […]
I had a dream the other night that only frightens me because of the underlying message I found in it.
I dreamt that I was outside in the yard, I can’t recall what I was doing but it was a nice, warm, clear, day. I had heard a loud bang and fizzle type of sound. Myself and a few others that were also outside looked up to the sky and saw an enormous missile with three cylinders crash right into the hillside, not more than fifteen miles away. As others began to panic and clamour around, I just stood still, staring in awe. […]
can’t cut. made a promise. not that he’d find out. bars. captured. trapped. prison. burn my skin. bubbling. blistering. open. exclamations. under my breath. laughing. you asking. why. makes me better. the panic attacks. stop. fade. breathing. meditation. calming. focusing. on the pain. think it’s stupid. don’t want me to do it. again. scarred. regret. not now. not then.
self-mutilation. punishment. feeling. don’t have time for that shit. oblivious. addicting. no deep. well rehearsed. reason. i need it. simple fact. if i don’t have that. hold it all in. bottle it up. no outlet. nothing. no way to deal. handle. cope. heard that’s unhealthy. and my […]
I can’t sleep again, had to wash down another thorazine. I want to paint the walls red but I know it will get me nowhere but scarred for life however long that spark may live on. I am ruminating on my panic attack earlier this week right in the middle of class, the professor sent me home “sick”, I almost jumped off the roof… But I know better (been there, done that). I don’t want to die really, I just want to be free of turmoil and strife. What happens when we die, what do you think? Are we doomed to repeat this miserable life […]
Oh no. Here it comes. The darkness rolls over me like a summer storm over the meadow. I’m surrounded and I have no where to do. I am paralyzed with no direction. Panic sets in and I can’t breathe. I can’t see. I’m completely hindered. What do I do? The knife. Get the knife.
No! Don’t get the knife. Splitting seams won’t solve anything.
It’ll calm me down! I’ll have something to focus on. The pain is a dull ache that comes in waves like the ocean tide over sand. I’m drowning and I need something stable. Something sane.
Cutting gets you no where but a lot of […]
Here I am, sitting here in my dorm with the light out. The sun is going down, soon there will only be darkness in my room. There is a concert going on and if I go, I will have a panic attack.
I don’t have a roommate because we didn’t get along. Who am I able to get along with? I really want to know. Every social situation has my stomach in knots. My palms saturated in sweat. My stomach a mess.
I have never felt truly suicidal until I came to college. I’ve dealt with depression since I was about 12 or 13, but turning 18 […]
I suffer from severe anxiety among other things. If xanax didnt exist I probably would’ve gone insane and peeled my own skin off by now. Lately, I can’t sleep. Let me correct that, It won’t let me sleep. Every time I start to relax my heart rate increases and I feel like I’m going to vomit. This anxious demon inside me is getting angrier. I can’t think of my future without almost having a panic attack. My death seems to cause me less concern than my prolonged life.
How do you quell a monster that you can’t control? I’m tired of the anxiety and the […]
Sometimes I’ll just sit there and listen to slow piano music for over an hour.. Because I’m too broken to do anything and i physically can’t do anything.. It’s a hard life.. and it’s been too overwhelming lately.. I can’t go on like this.. I scared of what will happen to me.. I’m going to break soon i know it.. Just a few more panic attacks away..
My life is in chaos right now. I’m moving to a different state on Wednesday. I’m gonna be couch surfing with a guy who will let me stay in exchange for me being a chauffeur. I put an ad out on Craig’s List saying I needed a place to crash and I’d do chores and cook in trade. I’ve gotten so many responses of basically “sleep with me and you can stay as long as you like”.
I hate people. I’m not a whore. If I were, I would certainly go for a sugar daddy type instead of someone who will let me sleep on their […]
New dilemma. I had another panic attack today, while at work. I was lucky enough to excuse myself so no one realized, but I don’t really remember what happened in the 20 minutes I was gone. Later on I notice my sleeve is sticking to my arm so I go to the bathroom to wash it off, thinking it was juice or something from one of my customers…nope. I had somehow cut myself. For the first time, I carved “useless” into my skin. What the hell?
I’ve started having panic/anxiety attacks lately. Not sure of the difference between panic and anxiety attacks. Anyone know of anything I can do to help get out of them?
I don’t know what I am supposed to do. That’s what I’ve boiled down all my twisted, suppressing, diminishing thoughts into. I’m not content with what I have, or what I’m working towards in regards to my life and career. I’ll be able to live happily, comfortably, and better than some. Not that I’m saying I’ll be rich but I wont be living on the streets either. Somehow that’s not enough for me, I know it’s not just jealously or envy pushing me down since I’ve been in this state before, or should I say most of the time.
I go through what I call ‘my […]
It started three weeks ago when I saw my cousin.I never understood why my ex would have panic attacks until I myself I had one that day.I just started breathing uncontrollably & I started hiding my face everytime I was around I was just trying to get as far away from him as possible.Anyways I cut that night.I started hiding my cuts & I was home alone so I took the armband off.The door bell rings & It’s my friend.I go outside & I see his eyes lock down looking down & In my head I’m like what’s he looking at so hard then I […]
Anyone out there knows if theres a place where you could talk a little more freely about suicide than on SP? I want to be able to talk with serious people on a serious forum about suicide. I’ve been thinking about killing myself for eight years now. I tried once and failed. I dont want to make the same mistake again. If i try it again i dont want to die alone. I had depresion/anxiety/panic attacks frequently for most part of my life. I dont think its gonna get any better. I am alone. I dont have any friends. Why keep trying you know?
I’m not really sure what I’m going to say in this. I apologize if I waste anyone’s time. I guess I’ll share my life story. I’m desperate at this point. My mother and father got divorced when I was 3 years old ( currently 17). She then married this man names Nathan. At first everything was ok. But it wasn’t… It started off with little things like if I spilled milk from my cereal he would hit me. But it escalated. He raped my sister, and would hit me and torture us all the time. Threatening to kill us if we said anything. My mother […]
When I am upset or seriously depressed I listen to music. Hateful and sad. Maybe that isn’t the best thing to do but after I get passed all of the crying and cutting, and panic attacks, I feel great again. My mother saw my scars for the first time today. I have always been so good at hiding them. I can’t believe I was not paying attention. I feel terrible for that. It isn’t her fault. It’s everyone else’s. I really want to speak to her about it but I am so scared. What if she does not love me anymore. My father used to […]