I was searching Google for the painless pill people were discussing last night and came across a link to the most common ways oncr thought yo be painless but really are painful. It’s a site called something like o pish posh. You’ll see it. It ran down ods from pills to hanging which I knew was painful cuz it takes up to twenty mins to die and even addresses jumpin from a tall building which people do survive. It’s gotta be at least 25 stories. Then they play an amazing video documentary called the bridge. Interviewing witnesses family and one survivorxwo jumper the 245 foot […]
panic
About a month ago I OD’d on heroin and wound up in the hospital. Ever since I’ve been getting what I think are panic attacks, where I feel like I can’t breathe and that I’m about to suffocate. Even in A&E the psychologist didn’t take me seriously but I am seriously messed up… I’ve been waiting 2 months to see a psychiatrist after stating I was suicidal because she cancels the appointments but I can’t sleep for days, I have auditory hallucinations (hear people say things about me when they’re not), extreme paranoia and I’m afraid to leave the house. If that ***** has the […]
I can only tell you what is working for me at this moment in time. I am taking a multitude of meds at the max doses and my mind is clear. I still have suicidal ideations and nightmares but I’m a single mom and have chosen for today at least to write this post and give another option. I believe in mood stabilizers and other meds when combined with counseling. You have to put in the effort and tell your drs what is and isn’t working. I know my meds and have tried every combination and strength. Some didn’t work at all. Some made me […]
Getting out of bed is the hardest thing to do. It would be so much easier if I just didn’t wake up. I feel extremely alone and nothing anybody says helps. Sometimes I stop what I’m doing and I just stare at the wall and I feel completely numb. I feel like I’m not really here. When I tell people I suffer from depression, anxiety, and bi-polar disorder they just stare at me. Many tell me to simply “get over it”. I can’t explain how mad that makes me. People nowadays are not informed at all and they think that it’s easy to just “get […]
It’s strange. I am not exactly what you’d call a thin person, nor am I tragically obese. In reference to fruit, I would say that I am an apple. I’m large around the midsection. It would be safe to assume that I don’t run…or exercise daily. I’m not a fitness nut nor am I terribly unhealthy. In fact, I’m quite average. I can walk a mile in 10 minutes flat, which doesn’t sound like much to some but I know people who are, 1/24th my size and they couldn’t walk a mile in 10 minutes if their life depended on it.
Lately, my sleep schedule has […]
When I was on medication the side effects kept me awake and now that I’ve been drug-free for the past half year it’s pure torment that’s keeping me awake. All day I struggle to focus on anything then I crawl into bed and I ruminate over every single thing that’s happened and experience panic attacks over all the things I can’t change. I wonder why I stick around, I’m a useless piece of shit and should have ended my life a long time ago. I don’t know why I wait for some miracle. I have nothing of value.
I’ve spent the last 48 hours sitting, walking, cooking…Not hungry. I start pacing. Hello panic attacks…Nothing is really helping. Someone shared a suicide story on Facebook. Great, I decided to watch it. I”m completely beside myself. I go to youtube in the hopes of listening to some music that will help and I find more “suicide hope” videos. Yeah…I’m filled with the hope of an end someday. They all seem to outline my issues in a glorified, filtered image.
Another panic attack. My heart is going to give out before I can commit at this point. I’ve started to cross into the realm of being so […]
I am laying in bed crippled by fear. There is nothing that can stop my brain from reminding me that I have something new coming up, something new to be afraid of. Why do I always feel like this? Scared, anxious… Hopeless.
Thoughts of “what ifs” and “what will happen” haunt my everyday movements. I can’t get out of bed, I won’t. It is just to hard. I am safe here, happy if I don’t let myself think.
Every little thing is hard.. If I shower, go to the shop, go for a stroll into town, will I get a panic attack? What if I do and I […]
Socially phobic, housebound, very depressed, panic disorder, no prospects or way out
Hi all
I’ve been debiliated by a very strong fear of people for years that got worse and worse and worse, this severe social phobia then caused depression, then panic attacks and agoraphobia. I’m now 24 and have nothing at all going for me. I can’t see any way out of my situation- yes depression plays a part in this, but my social phobia leaves me pretty much a selective mute who has been largely housebound for 5 years. I couldn’t finish education, I couldn’t work, I now have literally nothing on my CV, and even if my social phobia magically went away and I didn’t […]
I am in such a shit mood right now, and I don’t fucking know why.Â
I was all happy and laughing an hour ago, and then I had a shower and hate a complete breakdown in there for 10 minutes. I then kept seeing this girl in there with me and I got really freaked out over it and started having a panic attack because I thought they’d stopped appearing in the bathroom. So I was in there for an extra 25 minutes having a full out panic attack, and then I came out the shower and started blow drying my hair in the kitchen when […]
I had a panic attack today I never experienced anxiety till this month. It’s been atleast one eveeday now. It really started with a subtle paranoia the small thought that maybe ill fail maybe my friends are lying to me. Now it’s become completely out of hand. I’m encased in lies and dangerous things and I’m afraid to make a move because I’ll fail I know I will. And all the while the spiders that spin their webbed lies that I used to call friends race on without me. I can’t blame them I never let them see my panic […]
Considering that i never chose to be in this world why can’t i cease to exist? Why can’t i chose to leave? People say that you should think about death and where your soul will go. That there is a heaven and a hell. But that’s so unfair. I never chose to be here in the first place so why should i not be able to choose to be gone…forever…from any existence at all. When i die i want it to be as if i was NEVER created at all. I don’t want to continue in an afterlife. I’m so so so tired. Sleep used […]
It’s hard to imagine after a month of this calm, now that the time has come, I can feel so afraid. Standing at the edge like this, I get it. My suicide is not impulsive. It has been carefully planned. A promise to myself I’ve been making for a year. I will be gone by June. The time has come. I’m in my last week and staring death in the face, I feel this anxiety. But then I think of living, just one extra day past my promise, and the panic is just as great. The guilt, oh the guilt. I’m so sorry for them. […]
A week and a day ago, I has handed instructions to “walk toward the light.” I fell out of bed. I went into respiratory failure. I was eventually transported to the hospital and briefly pronounced dead. Except for the physical pain of getting myself back into bed repeatedly, the shallow panic breathing I could not control and discovering I had shat myself and lay in it most of the night I remember nothing and felt very little.
I am quite sad now that I am here today to speak of it. I am now in far more pain than ever and much weaker than before yet […]
did everyone have a good saturday?  well here is the state of my world. i received an invitation to go out hang with my friends whom i haven’t seen in a while. the invite panicked me. none of these people know my current state of mind. and i have no inclination to fill them in. so i am at home alone, which is how i prefer to be these days. what does that say when contact from friends i have had for years makes me panic and cry? probably not a good thing . i prefer to be alone and not have to talk to […]
So..today I had a panic attack in the middle of second period today..I hate it, I hate having anxiety. I know others must hate it too, it like ruins things so know I m on meds to control it but my dose needs to be higher cause it isn’t working anymore and my anxiety is back like it was before without them..Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh meh meh*dying whale noises* I also have bipolar disorder meh and borderline personality disorder..Meh *More dying whale noises* But if everyone else can ‘live’ with it I can too :/
I’m heading down a destructive path I don’t care anymore Im jut kinda done with it. I’m ignoring how I feel it builds up and I freak out have breakdowns and panic attacks. I’m not functioning right. Im to busy helping others trying to make ten happy and worrying about them that I don’t even help myself or even try to. I don’t know what to do I don’t think I want to get help anymore I’m just kinda here.
Hey.. so my doctor just put me on this a couple days ago. I’m not really sure what to think of it. It’s supposed to help me with my moods, but is primarily given for seizures (which i don’t have).
So far i’ve been very jittery and shaky on it. My anxiety is so high that i feel like i’m constantly having a panic attack ( how my heart feels).
I’m on a small dose to start.. 25mg.
Just curious if any of you have had any experience with this drug.. and what it’s done for you.. bad or good.
im sorry im leaving
but i dont think you understand
i need to leave this planet
i need to leave
why you might ask
because im hurting people
far too many people
no youre not you may reply
but i am maybe not directly
but indirectly i am hurting them
i worry them and make them panic
i make them concerned about me
ive tried lying i really have
but i cannot lie about this
i must go and leave you
i apologize for that
but i have to go
i need to leave this planet
so no one gets hurt by me anymore
so […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/tmp_02-the_front_bottoms-maps-2076840222.mp3 Every day is the same repetition of mundane tasks at work and the same panic and emptiness waiting in the background until I am alone with my thoughts. I’m out of friends, out of dreams, and out of hope. My motivation is so non-existent that I can’t even go through with my plans for suicide. It’s too much work to write the notes and find a place and get everything in order first. Last time I was spontaneous and tried all I got was a sore neck and face full of mud. The only thing I look forward to anymore is getting so […]