A week and a day ago, I has handed instructions to “walk toward the light.” I fell out of bed. I went into respiratory failure. I was eventually transported to the hospital and briefly pronounced dead. Except for the physical pain of getting myself back into bed repeatedly, the shallow panic breathing I could not control and discovering I had shat myself and lay in it most of the night I remember nothing and felt very little.
I am quite sad now that I am here today to speak of it. I am now in far more pain than ever and much weaker than before yet my need to work and other useless obligations remain. What hopeless and insanely Goddamned rationale could there have been to keep me alive?
What good would fucking answers do anyway?
leave me alone
let me die
please stop reviving me just to pour battery acid down my throat
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3 comments
Omg. I empathize with you.
Yeah its sad to have a brush with death then to have to come back to misery. I feel for your pain.
It’s messed up, this idea that everyone wants to be alive. Maybe some of us don’t want to live to be 90. Personally, if I ever become a burden on other people I would prefer to be dead. Once I have outlived my usefulness there’s no reason to keep me around. I feel for you, to be so close to that which you want more than anything.