Funny, she once said to me that I must have an incredible life. She used to listen to me when I rambled on about traveling here and traveling there – she was young and I wore the mask well. Once again I was reminded that people really don’t know – the space between us is too grand. I was a hero to her and a joke to myself – I feared that if we hung out much longer she would see that I was just roadkill. How worldly was I – my well being hung on a thread at the corner of her smile. So […]
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person
I have a friend, that I consider as bestfriend. But I don’t think she thinks the same way. She’s such a popular person that everybody wanna be friend with her. We are teammates in soccer team. Yesterday she played awfully. I scolded her in front of other teammates. She cried because she played awfully, not because I scolded her. But the other teammates thought it’s because of me. Everybody thinks I am such a arrogant and bad person. She told me she didn’t cry because of me. But she never told the other teammates the reason she cried and she left me with that bad […]
Who needs suicide when the pain can rot away your insides for you?
He he, I’m going to die sooner or later. We all do! Whether it be 80 years from now, or the next time I take the plunge over the quarry’s edge. It’s all fluff.
I rolled up the night on a spool of black silk and never will I return again. He he, J has a carrot in her mouth. My dad’s carrot. My dad’s truck is in her driveway. My mother’s institutionalized.
No more refills without a doctor’s appointment. Ha. But there’s no one to tell that to. Going to be interesting in the […]
I’ve always been a sad person. Recently I thought I had finally found happiness and then out of nowhere he left me. I hate feeling so petty. The man I love left me. So what. It happens every day. Yet I have never felt more sad. I feel like a turtle that is on its back and can’t turn myself back. I finally let myself be myself and he left. One day we were fine and then the next we weren’t. The wind has been knocked out of me. I wish I could understand. I wish I could breath. I wish, I wish , I […]
basically my life is hopeless no matter any situation, I’m always the one in the back corner by myself. I don’t want to live, I’ve been on and off suicidal for 2 years now, not one person in my family knows I am suicidal, and that I tied a noose and put it around my neck ready to jump one night. No one knows. Even in this moment I type, I want to stab myself in the throat every waking moment.
I just wanted to tell someone finally. Get it out after so long.
Perhaps it was the ghostly feel of it all as I walked the streets. Perhaps it was the guy who had the sign “help I’ve disappeared”. I looked in the mirror once again. The traffic, the people, the buildings all belonged in a different dimension. I was in a dream, I was in a nightmare, I was in my life. Hello, I said but was ignored. Don’t they know I’m here, scream, you must scream. Scurry, scurry, they can’t feel you but you want their attention. Couples walk hand and hand, a man smokes a joint, another person screams at everyone and everything – she […]
Every single time I push myself towards doing it thats all I can think of…and my teacher wonders why he has to chastise me for taking so long to get started on it…
But this is what I chose…out of all the things I could be, I chose what I liked best, and its enough to drive me to the point of suicide…
I either need to start working or bite the bullet already…but oh no, those aren’t the two only choices obviously…there are never two choices; I could try and join the military again, if they’d take some suicidal person like me who has scars on […]
hey……does anyone know if there’s anyone on here with the screen name ‘the world is against me? I have no idea who this person is, but he/she keeps sending me hate mail, n saying i’m trying to contact him/her, but i havent the foggiest as to who this is and they wont tell me what their beef is, wont give any explaination……,who is this???
I’m engaged. She’s the most beautiful person in the world. But I feel so fuckin alone like.. I no she’s the one for me. Recently her roommate don’t like me and made me move out so I did just that . we’ve grown distant quickly. Three days I’ve been back at my grandmothers house. And she has broken promises and knows of my problems… She’s driving me over the edge …yes I’ve told her…and I beg of her not to keep hurting me… But …she doesn’t care… Not text no calls back she’s slowly breaking me know in I’m fucked up in the head… Why […]
I shouldn’t be awake right now. I have to be up for work at 6. But I can’t sleep. I’ve been heartbroken over the same person for a year now. As soon as i start to forget him, he contacts me again. I just spoke to him and I feel like the worst kind of person because I’m seeing someone else. But he and I were together for two years. We were engaged. And then he cheated. I’m in college and lost my biggest scholarship because I don’t have enough hours. I now owe $1000 that I don’t have. I’m doing so badly in some […]
Where to begin.. I suppose I should begin with my introduction to antidepressants. I’ve gone through several different brands and have yet to be impressed. I’ve always felt the need to avoid medication at all costs, as taking meds would be an admission of emotional instability; Once I get on them, I’m officially crazy. But, I began to sink lower than I ever had before in my previous bouts, and I became fearful enough of my own thoughts that I decided medication was my only option. Scary thing, antidepressants.. All those side effects. The dependency….
I’ve been seeing a girl […]
I wish I never meant you. Because if I never meant you, I would never know this feeling that haunts me every day, this sickening feeling that feels like I’m incomplete, lost, missing something. And indeed I am, I don’t have you to call mine anymore, your “hers” and I don’t know which hurts more the things you tell me or the fact that your still with her despite how you feel for me.
When I hear people say “I love you” to their partners I wonder if they actually know what love is, how it consumes every inch of your body and soul, how […]
Who would go to my funeral if I did it, if I really went through with it? Would they cry, spend a day mourning me like they did him? Or would I be another statistic in this world, another person put through the machine and spat back out? Would they think I was weak, would they respect me, would they talk about me, would they feel guilt for all the thing’s they should’ve and shouldn’t have said? Would my cousin cry? Would she? Would he? Where would I end up, who would lay me down to rest, and who would speak the final words, what […]
I want somebody to be with. I don’t deserve it. Right now it feels like I have no chance with anyone. But that doesn’t stop me wanting it.
I’ve completely fucked up my life, beyond repair. But that doesn’t stop me obsessing over what could have been.
I signed up to an online dating site, more from desperation than anything. The matchmaking system threw up a woman who seems ideal – warm, nice-looking, geeky, down to earth, clever, quirky. I keep looking at her profile, re-reading her answers to questions, wanting to message her. But what would I say?
‘Hi, you seem like just the kind of woman […]
Some of you may know me, others.. be thankful you don’t.
This is the first of 3 post I’ll write. Then I think it’ll be time;
Like waiting on the storm to pass..
Like waiting for the go ahead to breath again..
but my breathe rest solely on you now.
So now I wait. Frozen in time.
Time no longer exists.
The fate hangs in the balance.
What will be will be.
How do you convince someone..
ask someone… “Please, do not go into the light, rather,
come back, into the darkness..”
You don’t. You cant…. but I will.
I beg you, come back into the darkness.
Here […]
Will it ever end? Will it ever stop? I have so many questions and no answers for any of them. I have no idea what anyone else reality is but i can tell you for sure that mine is shit. I have absolutely nothing to stand on, no foundation or stable ground that I can always rely upon for safety or otherwise. Does anyone know what i am talking about?
I seem to chase away everyone that I love because I am so tired of hurting them all of the time. Every emotion that I have comes across as angry, even when I am hurt […]
I don’t want to kill myself. I really don’t. I just don’t know how to live anymore.
I feel emotionally exhausted, and I don’t see any way to get out of this situation.
I’ve experienced the suicide of a family member recently, and I don’t want my family to go through that again. So I won’t do it. But this decision makes me feel even worse. It’s like I don’t even have the choice to end all this suffering.
I’m living with my severely depressed mother, and I do also take care of her business, which is worthless because it doesn’t make money enough to […]
What would happen if I began shrieking? And then took a permanent marker and scarred up my grandmother’s gleaming new cupboards? And then chucked a glass mug through the windowpanes? Let all that chilled air in here.
She’s cleaning something in the bathroom…I’m doing schoolwork…ooh, I’m tempted…
I need to stop this. A spell is coming on, I can feel it, this is a bad time…can’t concentrate. Gonna hurt something.
There’s a caved-in Valentine’s balloon in the living room, floating near the ceiling…ha ha, Valentine’s day…my mother was committed to the hospital on the day of love…we brought her flowers and told her through glass smiles that she […]
Why am I alone? I am overwhelmed with bitter regret and anger. Everybody has some big blotch of the past they want to delete, there’s no such person who has had a perfect, sugar coated life. I selfishly think that I have it so bad, nobody can relate to me. I am wrong. My peers who put on a happy demeanor have their own skeletons; they seem to know how to function without the past disrupting their routine. I don’t know what went on in their lives. I sit there and in my mind I snicker, thinking these people are so young and naive. I don’t […]
Should I take a nap? I am a little stressed/depressed. Not sure which one came first. I feel angry that the world is the way it is and I am the way I am. People get all of these diseases through genetics and it just isn’t fair that you made us this way. You give us purpose to solve these medical problems, but would it not have been easier on us to just enjoy your world and each other. Thank you for allowing me to cry. I felt somewhat better for a few minutes, but I still feel the same level of stress. It’s still […]