Last week a man shot himself in the park in the exact same spot I was planning on doing it awhile ago, no one even knew his name. Wow that coulda been me a year ago
As this summer toils on, I’m left contemplating how things change in life. I’ve spent the last four months watching my life degrade. Losing people who meant the world to me, losing my job. Watching things that I used to enjoy and even take a bit of pleasure in wither away. But mostly I’ve been thinking about how different I thought this summer would be. Instead of planning my death, right now I was supposed to be planning my wedding. Instead of watching people slip away, I was supposed to be preparing to welcome a child within the next year or so. Now, I find […]
I want to die right now. I had some sort of a plan, but now I’m extremely close to just trying the first method that comes to mind instead, and forgetting everything about what I originally planned. I don’t know how to cope with everything anymore, so I’m close to trying to leave this world without taking care of the things I need to first. No matter where I am or what I do, these thoughts are with me more or less constantly, and I don’t know what to do in order to be able to hang on anymore. Needless to say, I shouldn’t do […]
the other day i started planning my funeral i wrote evrything down ….i just need balls to actually end it
I am a certified genius.
that’s a good thing and a bad thing.
I am a constant danger to myself. I know exactly how my body ‘ticks’. and I know how to make it stop ticking. I don’t need no knife or revolver I am able to use anything except the air filling my lungs. I have been planning my departure for almost 9 years now. escaping pain in it’s various forms.
heartbreak, impending failure, shame.
My anxious is peeking and for the stupidest of reasons. I just want to go home, get in bed and sleep the next week away. There is a pretty high probability I am going to run into an ex next week. Ideally, I don’t want to run into her, nor have her know I’m in the building, but life likes to throw these tests at us.
Even though I am going to do everything in my power to avoid meeting face to face, I just can’t stop planning out how such a potential interaction will go. Why do I keep planning and analyzing a future situation […]
Weird is planning your kid’s bat mitzvah, studying for the bar exam, talking to your friends like everything’s fine, and making arrangements for your death all at the same time. When I first saw this house I said I would die here. It wasn’t what I meant at the time. but it turns out I was right, nonetheless.
Here I am. 1 year later. This post is the continuation of this one : http://suicideproject.org/2014/01/times-running/
Tomorrow, I’m supposed to decide if I can possibly ever be happy or not. If I can, I can’t think about suicide ever again. If I can’t be happy, I start planning my exit.
I did put a lot of efforts in the last year, to feel better. I took a lot of risks and changed a lot of things. I do feel better than I did last year, but sometimes, I still want to die.
I’ve been through some serious heartbreaks and I’m still in a major depression. Taking pills. Seeing […]
It’s been a long time since I posted on here, but I feel like today is a good time to do so. This post might skip and go back in an non-linear fashion, but that’s just me. A few weeks ago, I quit my job when they were giving me a warning for screwing up. The day I quit, I kind of gave up on life once again. Â When I went to my therapist, who is in my top ten people I adore and respect, I lied to him. I stated that I was okay and that I was going to go forward. I had […]
I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. First I woke up and didn’t feel myself, and since then my mood’s been up and down throughout the day. I’ve been going from happy to angry to upset, and it’s the stupidest, littlest things causing it – sometimes nothing has happened and my mood changes. It’s been like this more recently; more evident and severe within the past 8 to 9 months. My 5 year old brother and even my stepdad flinch whenever I raise my hand for anything because they know I can fly off the handle at any time.
Just earlier today I […]
I really, really cannot do this anymore. I can’t trust myself. I can’t survive my life with the etching of all this shit in my brain. It’s not good. Not good at all. I think I’m going to go back to planning my way out. This burden is too much for me. No matter how hard I pray for God’s help and talk to other people the guilt just keeps choking me.
Its over. I’m over. I don’t deserve to live. I’m a fucking failure to everyone.
I’ve  always know that I’m not destined to be here, As  long as I can remembered  I’ve not fitted In school,college,work,peers and family. I don’t feel like I belong, It does not help that my life as not be the easiest off ones, no one really gets me I don’t  really blame them. Who would want to get  love or care for me I’m worthless I’m better off removing myself form this world. I’ve tried to end this endless pain on a couple off times I’ve been unlucky to be find on all off the occasions. Some would say that its not my time I […]
Two days ago I did my first “test”.In other words I just checked everything in order to assure I’ll be able to commit suicide in the day I chose.I highly recommend those ones who are planning to kill themselves to do a “test” first.For example, my parents had went out when I was testing and I thought I was alone, but suddenly a neighbour came in and I almost got caught trying get the gas tank to my room (In our neighbourhood things work like this, everyone can enter the other’s house and just say : “I’m coming in!”.We’re big friends).So, the gas tank contains […]
I don’t know what to say, what to do, or who I should tell? Should I make a video? A post online? A note? Or should I simply disappear, leaving no explanation. If they cared enough they’d already know what the cause was. By now, I’m sure from the context of the title and the website I’m at you can conclude I’m talking about the big day.. the day I die. Or maybe I don’t die? Maybe I’m reborn. My god, if that’s the case I just want to live a happier life next time. Oh, and my deadline is in August. I don’t know exactly when […]
I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much, and I’ve told him so many times that I never want to hurt him, but that I know I will, and he just stays. I keep giving him chances to get out of the relationship, but he keeps saying that he’s staying. I’m still planning on killing myself, I haven’t picked a new date yet though. I don’t know what to do to make it hurt him less though. I feel bad because I know it’s going to be really hard on him, but I just can’t stay here much longer. I’ve waited […]
Well…, I’m not on as much anymore because my laptop isn’t working when I want it to and the computer we have is broken. Anyway, I have been writing a lot of poetry and been working on the story I was planning to write. It hasn’t been turning out that great so I stopped writing it and so now I’m working on something else.
Throughout my life I’ve been rather fearless but there are a couple of things that always scared me – death by suffocation or drowning and being burned to death. Maybe it’s the fact of having no control in the moment. Like being trapped in a burning car or having something heavy fall and being pinned to the ground, unable to breath or fight in any way.
But last night I had a dream. In this dream there were no circumstances or long, drawn out situations. Just the perception of burning; burning away all my useless flesh and taking my physical pain and disabilities away with it. […]
Hello there. You may remember me as the fairly young boy planning to commit suicide as soon as I reach the weekend. That was exactly one week ago. You may remember that the only person in the outside worldthat know of my suicidal thoughts and cutting is also the sole person I love. This was my undoing. Two days before I would hang myself, she stepped in an contacted the school guidance counselor. Naturally, this is a rather large issue, and long story short, my father, a police officer, picked me up from school and was require to Baker Act me. I was taken to […]
My husband died 18 months ago. I am raising my granddaughters age 16 and 20. I will put my house up for sale next spring and move into a small condo I own that will be in same school district for 16 year old. When she has finished high school and gone off to college my plan is to finish cleaning everything out and then kill myself. I plan to give everything away and have liquidated all financial assets except condo. Will have trust redone and everything spelled out for all financial gifts upon my death. Life is too […]
I am depressed  and want to die  I have tried Prozac and Lexapro  i am planning to die by Oxycontin overdose i took oxy before not in overdose and I havent  been active on the website for a while and my suicide attempt with sleeping pills failed
