Just another day of fighting with my fiancee. God, I CAN’T wait to find employment and move out of here. I have to. It’s so miserable knowing that I’m a 25 year old who will never be married as long as I’m with him. He’s verbally and physically abusive, and never sorry about it. He controls everything and takes so much from me. When his plans fall through, it’s my fault, or anyone else’s but his. He literally believes that he is God, and should actually be locked up in a psych ward. The amount of times that I should have called the cops on […]
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point
I’m sitting behind my desk, IT employee.
For the past week, I’ve been resisting an overwhelming urge to put a bullet through my head.
Today the urge is very bad. I had quit smoking a year ago and starting last week i’m smoking again. I’ve been up 5 hours an I’ve smoked a pack already.
I’m at a point where I need to talk about this but can’t find anyone to talk to, not even my fiance. We’re getting engaged next week.
My heart keeps beating rapidly and I’m visualizing myself pulling that trigger and that bullet would go into my head and turn everything off.
I’m doing well, good […]
I guess the days are painful. A type of pain that will never go away. There is nothing I can do about it. Nothing that anyone can do about it. The pain will never stop. I cry for help, but there is no point. The pain will never subside. The more I beg my mind for mercy, the more in punishes me. The mind is powerful, finding enjoyment and release in the most painful of things. The splitting and burning sensation of ones skin, the self inflicted pain creating such indescribable pleasure is frightening. The pain is good.
I really should be studying for my history exam but I can’t seem to stop thinking about suicide. I don’t know what to do ,I’ve been like this for so long. I’m scared of my own mind , I’m afraid of what I’m capable of. I’m only 14 by the way. I just feel horrible about myself , I try so hard in everything I do but it’s always not enough for some people. I push everyone away from me I’m so isolated in my own little world. School gets out Friday . I guess I made it through my freshmen year. I wasn’t at […]
i shouldnt ask this retorical question…. Â but would you be mad if i killed myself?
to be honest, i think im ready. Â nothing more will come of my life. Â i wont ever be happy, ive realised…. Â so the is no point…
my goals just keep going to shit and i decide on something lesser… Â to the point where i dont with to be happy anymore, i just wished to end the fruitless pursuit of happyness…. Â and now… Â i wish i can end this…
i cant do this anymore and im sorry if i dissapoint you… Â sorry if im wasting my voice or whatever you think it is that […]
I think the scariest thing in life is the thought of settling; the thought of giving into the false expectations of this world…just falling in line and becoming yet another emotionless face in the crowd. Just mindlessly going through the motions to the point where everyday feels the exact same. To the point where passions become colorless and dreams become meaningless. Whether it be in a job, a relationship, your environment, or maybe a combination of the three. We tell ourselves that this will never happen to us, but before you know it, the repetitiveness starts to set in; the dullness becomes more and more […]
I hate the moment when a decision becomes a regret.
I kept telling myself that everything would work out. Â But there comes a point where you can’t lie to yourself anymore. I feel like I’ve dug myself a hole that’s too deep. All the little things that IÂ tried to overlook are surfacing. I can’t reason with myself anymore, I can only see the negative.
It’s suffocating.
I thought partial suspension with a drop would be easier than partial suspension without a drop. I was wrong. It still requires willpower to (step off)/kick the drop point. I managed to step off after a while. Unfortunately, I was able to get back on the drop point. Moreover, I found that the drop point was too low as my toes touched the floor. Furthermore, my left hand was trying to stop me. On Friday morning this week, I will try again. I will do so from a higher suspension point so that my feet are off the floor. I will also tie my hands […]
I guess I should start off with saying that I am a 17 year old Female.
I’ve delt with depression basically my whole life, I can’t really do much about it except try my best to be positive. Life has been pretty hard, I’m not gonna lie. When I was 15 I experienced my first real serious relationship, he was a douchebag (so I’ve come to realize) but at the time I was pretty naive and didn’t see it. He constantly flirted with other girls while we were dating, he cheated on me and then dumped me for my best friend. We only really dated for […]
i fought with myself for all of 2 seconds before posting this.
I feel morally corrupt for even doing this but here goes. I found a new site called Lost All Hope. its lostallhope.com.
its supposed to have methods, stats, links and all that good stuff.
I felt like if i posted that here, I’d be giving people the fuel they need to do what they want to do and that it would be all my fault. But i also know how desperate I get when I get in those moods and how I wish someone could point me in that direction. I may or may […]
This has got to stop… the constant depression, self doubt, pain… I don’t know anything beyond pain now, to the point where I wanna cause myself more pain because I just want to hurt as much as possible… I don’t mean a thing in anyone’s life… I can’t do anything for anyone… why am I even here…
I’ve been depressed for about five years. I’m now in high school about (if) to go into the 11th grade this September. I’m pretty much at the end of my rope when it boils down to getting support. The times I have told people about my suicidal thoughts, I get in response, “That’s messed up…” “I know how you feel…” (Mind you these responses are coming from people who are just giving out a response because in reality they really don’t know how I feel.) They don’t know how it feels like to get limbs sprained and be laughed at, with literally no support out […]
How did it feel to come so close? To walk the line between life and death.
Were you relieved?
Was there a “light” rushing towards you?
How long were you drifting for, and what did the drifting feel like?
Is the experience of leaving worth the pain – was there pain, torment?
What was on your mind?
I’ve heard more than anything that one feels an crushing sense of regret upon passing the point of no return.
Finally, what was it like to wake up afterward? Was there frustration? Self-pity? Rejection? Do you feel differently now than you did before?
What has life become for you?
I’ve been cutting at work, probably not the best idea but I mean, I’m alone there for 10 hours a day with nothing to do but talk In a mic. It becomes inclusive at that point, I don’t know what to do anymore at this point. Grr
Why can’t god just take my life already? Iv been through hell my whole life a and once I kill myself I’m gonna go to hell for one of the biggest sins someone can do. I just hope god has Mercy on me when I Â kill myself. I have a pistol with no safety on it and I always have one in the chamber I always point my gun to my head and play with the trigger hoping I accidently pull the trigger all the way and die 🙂 isn’t it sad that the only thing that puts a real smile on my face is […]
Www.suicide.org/suicidal-suicide-survivor.html
You want to know how it woukd make a parent feel? Check out that link!!
It’s not the first time
My family has caused these thoughts
The thoughts of jumping
They wouldn’t care
They don’t care
They never did
They never will
They’ll never love
They’ll never care
Regardless of what people say
My family doesn’t love me
They glare at me
Wish I was better
I’m not good enough for them
I have the wrong taste in music
Disgusting fashion style
The way I think is awful
All they ever wanted was a perfect daughter
They got my sister
But then the mistake came
Me
And now they can’t live with me
So they hurt me
Glare at me
I’m weak. I’m so very very weak and scared and just… useless.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m too mch of a coward for anything and I’m just stuck unable to move either forward or back.
My self esteem right now is at a point where I can’t see any road that wouldn’t lead to failure. I can’t do anything, I have no more strength to persevere. I’ve tried and tried and tried and all I am is a failure and I can’t pretend I’m strong and can’t force myself to be optimistic anymore.
I’ve always run away from anything hard by burying myself in books […]
There are suicidal people who have mental illness, but in my opinion, wanting to take one’s own life is not a mental illness, nor is it necessarily indicative or symptomatic of one. Rather, it is likely a spiritual condition residing at a far point on a spectrum. 30 years ago suicide was as taboo a subject as divorce. Today it is a sign of an imbalance of brain chemistry. 30 years from now it will be regarded as I posted here. Just a guess.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. First I woke up and didn’t feel myself, and since then my mood’s been up and down throughout the day. I’ve been going from happy to angry to upset, and it’s the stupidest, littlest things causing it – sometimes nothing has happened and my mood changes. It’s been like this more recently; more evident and severe within the past 8 to 9 months. My 5 year old brother and even my stepdad flinch whenever I raise my hand for anything because they know I can fly off the handle at any time.
Just earlier today I […]