not going to be alone forever

i shouldnt ask this retorical question….  but would you be mad if i killed myself?

to be honest, i think im ready.  nothing more will come of my life.  i wont ever be happy, ive realised….  so the is no point…

my goals just keep going to shit and i decide on something lesser…  to the point where i dont with to be happy anymore, i just wished to end the fruitless pursuit of happyness….  and now…  i wish i can end this…

i cant do this anymore and im sorry if i dissapoint you…  sorry if im wasting my voice or whatever you think it is that i should see as valuable enough that this pain should be endured for…  im sorry….  i dont want to care even tho i do, because it will just make it harder to leave…   but i think i will soon….

its honestly not going to get better…  and im sorry for you wasted efforts….  perhaps things will change soon and i’ll change my mind and find that reason to live….  but, im not hopefull…  but i wont leave on this note…    just figured id let it be known… this is going to be the absolute last time i try…  because ive been done and ready to go for so long, but for those that say i should live for them in their own words….  this is that time…  this is the last try, for you…  but after this….  i wont use that as an excuse anymore….  because,  you truely dont know how this is for me, and you truely dont know if it will get better…  it hasnt in 15 years, why would it within the next 15…  i really dont think it will…  you will find…  until next time…  bye