I am not looking for help, for words of pity. Nor do I want to be lied about a diety that “loves me” and has a plan for me. I have a plan: end my life.
I have not found the right method and appropriate time to end my mysery. Reason? I am sick of getting rejected time after time after time. If someone was to observe my life from utside in a thumbnail, they would think my life is enviable. I get to travel around the world, have a decent salary, get to spoil myself doing whatever I want. Right.
I am 31 […]
Tag:
Psycho
I’ve messed up yet again. I dont understand why I always do everything wrong. I’m not thát stupid, I know that. I guess I am semi-smart. So why do I always fail everything? I actually wish I was just an ordinary retard, I could just follow a meaningless education (or none, whatever) and there wouldnt be any expetations. I dropped yet another class and my mom just thinks I hardly have school. I just cant do everything. Or anything. I can barely wrap my brain around 1 assignment and because I’m so afraid I will fail again I just cant seem to make any progress. […]
Everything I touch I taint. Everything I do I botch. Everyone I know I hurt. I’m in pain almost all the time and because I’m in pain I feel a perverse need to inflict that pain on everyone else; my friends, my family and even my pets. I’m suffering and because of that suffering I have to make everyone I love, value and care for suffer as well. It isn’t fair, it isn’t right but I honestly can’t help it I’ve become the sort of person I despise. I have interests that I take great pleasure in and which help to pass the time; collecting […]
I wouldn’t have pictured myself here 3 years ago, let alone a week ago. I have failed so many. I have caused stresses for family and nearly every person’s life I have touched. My family chooses to love me because they are good people. They are not the type of people who deserve pain. Thank you for your effort. I had good intentions with my life 7-8 years ago but I came across one too many closed doors. I stayed strong. Believing, good is repaid with good and hard work leads to better futures. This was not the case for me. I am not in denial, this is […]
I am doing this because there is a small part of me that doesn’t want to die. The rest of me is sure that this gun sitting in my lap is the answer for all my problems. Being born from day one with a debilitatingmedical condition is one thing but it time and time again hurting me holding me back, making me lame and weird growing up and a psycho into adult-hood is about all I can take. After finding my insurance canceled me as a client and won’t re-consider the same week I find out I am going to need surgery is the last […]
My name is Taylor. I’m 17 years old. And I’m ready to go…Â Â I’ve been bullied since I was 9. And even before that I always had trouble making friends. I have Asbergers Syndrome, and thus its painfully hard for me to talk to people. I’ve been to about 11 schools. I kept dropping out and going switching schools. I couldn’t handle the bullying. But the thing is, even though the setting changed the story never did. I always got picked on and left out. Id come home crying everyday. In 9th grade the bullying hit a peak. I went to a small private school then, […]
She told me to get the rant out. Say all things that you keep telling yourself over and over quietly. Half of them, you won’t even mean or believe. Then talk to her. My mom. That’s all I ever want to do is sit down and talk to her. Have a conversation. In the past five years I’ve cut, made myself throw up, started smoking pot, drinking excessively and ending up in the hospital. I don’t know what I am doing or even why. I am impulsive like my father.
No one knows. My sister calls me psycho, I forgive her. But maybe I am. The […]
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