I’ve never really had any sense of direction with my life. I think about the future quite often, but I don’t see myself in it. I never have. I don’t see myself doing any job or having children or getting married or living anywhere. I just don’t see it. I’m 23 and that’s still young, but most people have an idea of what they want to do with their life… I just don’t. I think I am destined to commit suicide. I feel like that’s my purpose in life. Does anyone else feel this way or think this could be my purpose ?
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purpose
Maybe I can’t do it. I know my soul. It gets satisfaction only in degradation. I just want to rot. I think that’s because I have seen the end, traveled the farthest . There is nothing left for me to know. And I know it’s all futile. And it doesn’t prompt me to suicide; it only prevents me from finding a positive, satisfying motivation in doing anything that’s beneficial for me. And that would be all good and satisfying, i would be very happy in rotting, if there wasn’t this constant pressure, this sense of obligation that i feel towards my family. I just can’t make […]
I guess my story can’t exactly be seen as a “suicide story”…
For a few years now I’ve been looking forward without any reason to do so. Call it survival, or monotony I don’t really know. The fact is, passion for something can only take you so far and that’s the one thing that keeps popping up in my mind.
Why do it? Why not stop? Honestly I don’t like being alive, feels more like some form of torture, I didn’t ask to be alive nor did I wanted to… Maybe I thought it was a competition so I cheated the leading sperm into second […]
After years of suffering do you just finally accept the truth? Or at least conclude your perspective of reality & just let go. Ive decided my purpose isnt to succeed in this physical world but to transend it.
I am a recently injured adult, 27, who obtained an ankle sprain, followed by a hamstring work injury, followed by an unknown ailment to my other ankle. I have been rehabbing for 3 months, with no end in sight, except to leave this predicament through alternative means. My doctors have to take an MRI of my new injury and I am still rehabbing my other two injuries. I’m taking two days off PT because my Achilles is hurting.
My history is that I have attempted suicide 3 times, without succeeding. Two times after my longterm ex’s broke up with me and once while injured in […]
It’s that time again
It’s night and I cannot rest. There is no such thing as sleep.
And my mind couldn’t be crueler
I see blood on my arms and the vision in my mind calms me
But it takes more courage than I or alcohol has and another night I go unpunished.
The noise in my mind filters all the way through
There is nothing to combat all that anguish.
I fail, as I do time and time again
And you cannot solve what I can’t accomplish.
I can’t establish time and presence in this space
Because everything I feel abandons feeling.
I escape with no entity found
A soul without a means of ending with […]
CRITICAL parents, bullies, addictions, mean girls, jealous gossip, scapegoat me you bitches, outcasted, jobless
Hard working, straight Aing, exercising, writing, creating, therapy, friends, faith, graduate degree, PURPOSE, dignity
Shes meek and timid and mousy, she’s a minority who only speaks English, she’s worthless, so TIMID, fucking nice and quiet
Sing, paint, POWERFUL, spiritual, soulful, run, get up and try again, meditate, pray, brush it off, get up, SPEAK UP
Not enough, never enough, never enough, use me, put me in danger, put me down, alone, alone, ALONE, no one understands
No one will hire a wounded healer she said, think positive they said, have a thicker skin they say, have […]
This question has been really eating at me for many years now. I can remember myself way younger in 3rd grade asking myself the very question. I don’t talk about my thoughts or feelings to anyone, I have tried and been met with many different counter perspectives, but never one that actually saw what I see. I have had all the conversations already and know exactly how those around me feel, so I tend to keep my mouth shut as I don’t want to talk about it again and again.
But this morning I asked my dad what his purpose for living is. I’ve been thinking […]
Where do you go when there is no where to go but down? My feelings of hopelessness and helplessness have escalated to the point that I have convinced myself that my purpose for being has been fulfilled and anything left in life is just “fluff”.
I pray daily that Jesus will come…soon. I don’t really want to die but I don’t want to continue this perpetual cycle of disappointment and failure. If Jesus were to come, he would take us all to eternal bliss.
I have a solid education and extensive professional experience, yet I have been unemployed now for three months. The only interviews I can […]
What would I say? What would they want to hear? What would they want to know? These are a few of the questions that I have about what will happen after I’m gone. Other than that there really isn’t any telling what will happen to whom and how. There are of course the general predictions that we make about those that we know both in our families and out and about what our children will be like when they have fully grown, but aside from all of that, I really don’t care to find out.
In all honesty, I am not too eager to find […]
Do what your supposed to do all day long; job, education or whatever else. You do it because society wants you to do it. There’s no true freedom if you’re told from the first second you’re on this earth that your life is already planned out ahead of you and you only have to live through it and then die.
Freedom means creativity, means purpose in doing something. A true act of freedom is drawing a sunflower on the back of the essay you’re working on, is wearing a pink hoodie to your bank appointment, is going to sleep without setting the alarm, is saying hi […]
All my life I’ve struggled against the pain. I’ve wondered what was wrong with me. I’ve carried the demon around for so long I almost forget that other people don’t. I first felt truly suicidal when I was 8 years old. I hated life so much. I don’t think I realized people liked and loved me because I felt so worthless on the inside. We moved when I was 10, and I thought geography would cure me. The pain only got worse with puberty. I even wrote a story about committing suicide, but the school never addressed it.
In 9th grade, a friend died in a […]
It’s human arrogance driven by ego to believe “human existence” is anything other than just another occurrence in a much larger spectrum. Consciousness is a slow burning curse. We claim to be a higher form of life because we possess cognitive thought, yet we have absolutely no idea why we are actually here. So we create countless forms of abstraction to both give ourselves a false sense of purpose and to serve as a distraction from the fact “we have NO idea why we are here” Personally I would much rather be driven solely by instinct than by this fractured reason.
Seriously, I’m fifteen years old, and I want to end my own life. I feel I have no purpose. I’ve almost lost every single one of my friends, family’s not so great, and you might say I’m too young for this, but… I’ve liked girls before, and feel this is different. I feel it’s love. But no, she likes someone else. Loving someone and being nice them and stuff like that isn’t enough. Also, my thoughts on career. I wanted to be an actor/singer, something like that since I was a kid and constantly discouraged. Gave up, and grades started dropping. So, why shouldn’t I? […]
If we weren’t created by God or some other third party creator, Humanity is essentially the result of a bunch of genetic changes gone haywire, which resulted in most likely unwanted mutations (evolution). In short, humanity is one giant genetic cluster*****.
So if we just “got here”, then life technically doesn’t have a purpose, so life is technically meaningless.
That being said, we are here now, so we may as well do something. Who cares about making a mark on the world. I’m just going to do what I’ve always done: “Suck eternally!”
I’m in that space right now where I can’t tell if I’m depressed because of the meds (Xanax and Prozac) or depressed because of me. I felt so blank on the way home it was hard to keep myself from just driving off the highway. I feel confused, and tired of being confused, and apathetic to the act of breathing. It’s so strange…. Yet again, I’m not sad, I’m not mad, I just feel like I could wink out of existence at any moment. Like, just slip into death. I’m already 27, aren’t I too old for this sort of melodrama?
I love to see beauty, […]
All my life, people have hated and humiliated me for no reason. I have social anxiety disorder. I look timid and weird, so people treat me like crap. I’ve had rocks and trash thrown at me for no reason. Strangers scream at and intimidate me for fun. I stay home most of the time. I’m always lonely, so sad, and so angry. I’ve never been on a date. I’m so sick of life. I feel like the devil is punishing me for no reason. I wish I could close my eyes and die, but every morning I unwillingly wake up to a brand new damn […]
I’ve been researching a lot about reasons to live. Not because I have a friend or a family member or even an acquaintance that has decided to take a step towards ending their life but because of the fact that I want to end my life. My extreme anxiety and shyness makes me wonder if my reasons to commit suicide are the same as the general populations–or maybe I’m researching because I can’t decide on one specific reason why all these thoughts haunt me in the few hours I am not forcing myself to take a nap.
Either way, everything I have found so far […]
This is my first post… I’m not really sure what to say or how to begin…I’m not seeking attention or guidance per say, I only feel the need to vent.
All I know is that I cannot remember the last time I truly felt happy and content in my life. I suppose I won’t go into much detail, but I guess it started when my mom went to jail for the first time a few years back.
I struggled with my life over the next few years, and I still do. But lately I’ve just felt it hard. I don’t want to continue on with my life. […]
I’m scared. I’m scared of myself. I’m scared that I won’t, can’t feel. See, since the day I was born I have had this steadily growing indifference to life. For the past year I’ve been getting this feeling that everything is meaningless, pointless and that terrifies me. I just want to know that if someone I love dies I can feel the pain in losing them, actually be able to cry, somehow force myself to care. I don’t know how I move day to day with this feeling so ingrained in my soul that at some point I’ll feel nothing, not even the fear of […]