I have this whole or void in my life I’ll never fill but on occasion when the hole bleeds I do something to keep me busy. Tonight I did this. It’s a purse. Tomorrow is an important day, I should be sleeping but I’m […]
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Purse
I do. It seriously feels like a disability often. You have so much that you have to worry about like making sure you don’t get raped. Every time I go out somewhere, I’m always told not to be out too late since it’s “especially dangerous for girls.” I hate that. That makes me try to dress as much like a boy as I can, so maybe I’ll be mistaken for one. I think about cutting my hair short and not shaving, but then I’ll be labeled as a “butch lesbian” since I am gay. It’s not fair. Aside from the obvious things like getting your […]
I’m feeling so down. All I want to do is laying in my bed, sleeping, crying and cutting. I know I have to go to therapy every monday till friday from 9 am till 3 pm, but I really don’t want to do ANYTHING right now. I’m getting more scared and paranoid every day. Getting scared that someone is following me, or wants to steal my bag or purse. That kind of stupid things. I want to evade them, so I stay inside as much as possible. But the only thing I really want besides wanting to die, is just laying in my bed, sleeping, […]
That shocked me. I’m not really suicidal, not really. I’m not brave enough to try. But my whole life, I’ve just been waiting to die. Because I don’t feel loveable. I feel like I exist just to bring misery to others, and that it’s my only purpose. My brothers called me Burden when I was little. I never wanted to be that. All I have ever wanted, my whole life, was for someone to look at me, and know me, from my charmingly crafted outer-persona to how I really feel, and just… Still like me. Still care about me. Every single person who I ever […]
Unfortunately I’m still here. Got interrupted last week, had the bag on my head when this ***** i was fucking came over and screwed my plan. Still not gong to let that fuck my plan, another day, another plan.
This song from Notorious B.I.G, Suicidal thought’s. I can relate to it, can you?
When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell Cause I’m a piece of shit,
it ain’t hard to fuckin’ tell It don’t make sense, goin’ to heaven wit the goodie-goodies Dressed in white,
I like black Tims and black hoodies.
God will probably have me on some real strict shit No sleepin’ all day, no gettin my dick licked.
Hangin’ with the goodie-goodies loungin’ […]
I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy.
I have no real friends that I can talk to anymore and I have no idea what I truly want to do or where my life is going. I went to college and I have a stable job. But I didn’t make it in life. I am an average person; I am a loser. I wake up, go to work, eat, shower, watch TV, eat, read a book, sleep—repeat. That’s it. Nothing spectacular but nothing that miserable.
I am afraid this is my life. This is it. There is nothing more.
I no longer have any real desire. […]
I am completely unable to concentrate on my work because I am completely unable to stop thinking about the blade in my purse and the things i want to break and the cuts i want to make and the blood i want to spill and the pills i want to find and take and and and and and i feel like i am going completely insane and i don’t care about anything at all except for hurting myself. Â i can’t even concentrate on DBT skills which I promised to practice. Â i can’t concentrate on anything. Â i just want to hurt myself–with pills with knives with […]
I was sectioned into a room by myself. I was still wearing my bathrobe which they checked and found nothing Because i had been down this path before i had secretly stored some tablets in a secret compartment in my purse, when the attendees had left me alone at my unit. I knew how to get away with this. I wanted to use them to put me to sleep as i knew they would have prescribed half the medication dosage that i was used to.
This was not the first time i have been inside and spent days and nights in a psychiatric Hospital.
All […]
I feel like im in this all by myself.no one cares about me im like so close to take these pills that i have hiden in my purse i cant do this i just need to get out of here i just feel like dieing i cant stop crying i dont want to hurt my mom but then again im hurting myself just staying here what should i do i just feel so lodt and alone in this world
Starting this Year January 29th, I became suicidal. And ever since, ive been a freak. I’m really tired of it and 2011 was the worst year of my life.
I don’t want to live past today. No one loves me, no one cares that I’m struggling and my mom doesn’t even show compassion at the fact that I’m depressed. Yesterday, my grandma found my cutting knife in my purse. My mom called me forever retarded and didn’t even take the time to realize I had been cutting myself and was struggling. I have the worst family ever.
I am probably going to kill myself tonight. Have […]