Well here goes, I should be writing a research paper at the moment and I’m already behind on thesis work for a industry panel review on Thursday which is freaking me out. Sorry if that sounds like I’m trying to act like I’m better because clearly I’m not, I have paralyzing anxiety and getting things done hardly happens, I have withdrawn from college twice with no tuition reimbursement in the past, which I can’t even really afford to pay for anymore so I really just need to buckle down and graduate since I’ve been an undergraduate for six years now for a four year degree. I […]
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reading
It’s a long story but I’ll try to make it short. My wife made some bullshit complaints about me 1 year ago and got a protection order against me. Well, the protection order ended today and I find myself still struggling with all that’s happened. I haven’t had any contact with her for the last year. I hear about her through our 17 year old son during visitation and thru my lawyer. I got served with divorce papers and the divorce is still winding its way thru the courts. That’s it – no “goodbye”, no “it’s over” or “we’re through.” We’ve been married 24 years […]
It’s funny.
I claim to have no friends, no one that i trust, yet i am constantly on this search to find someone i can trust thoroughly, someone i can share every stupid idea or deepest secret with.
Yet i know that such a thing is unlikely. Why, you may ask (or probably not since pretty much no one is going to read this)? Because though I’m the type of person that likes to be left alone, i also desire to be seen as special, unique, etc. I want to revel in others’ awe of me (does that make sense?).
I want to fall in […]
Whatever it or they may be.
Model ships, history, reading, drawing, photography, design, walking, jogging. There is a lot out there on offer. We cant be wallowing in self pity. We need to try and find ways to keep on, keep trying, keep investigating.
You never know whats around the corner. Could be the start of an exciting and prosperous life, or it could be more struggles and bullshit, but we wont know if were not here to see it.
I love music. Im always talking about it, listening to it, embracing it. Theres something out there for us all. That one thing that makes life worth trying […]
So if you read my last post then you might know that I’ve been depressed since around seventh grade. So around that time (or maybe eighth grade, I don’t remember) I stumbled across this site and made an account. So, yes, this is my second account. I’m certain I made a few posts on here (or maybe one post) on that account, and I have this strange longing to find them or it and read it all. I know, it’s nearly impossible with the amount of posts, plus I don’t know my previous username, or what the post was even called. I know what you’re […]
This is a pretty self-indulgent post, sorry. You people are hurting, and deserve something other than a selfish teen’s rant. Please stop reading if it’s wasting your time. It just helps to scream, sometimes. This really belongs in a journal, rather than a forum. Here goes.
I’m hurting others right now. My mother’s saddened, my grandmother’s angry, my aunt has lost respect for me. I’m dressing a certain way and it’s hurting them. My mom’s fighting an eating disorder and my guy clothes are bothering her – hell, I’m her only daughter, so that’s one more thing drifting away from her.
My grandma sat me down and […]
It’s interesting how much human sorrow derives just from not having someone to love. Love, such a small word yet so powerful. It changes who we are from the core to the surface. Love is the trigger for every human emotion you can think of; happiness, sadness, rage, confusion. Love can make you feel all those things.
Reading through these stories I notice almost all of them have a common denominator; love. A good percentage of the people here just want someone to love that loves them back. Goes without saying, a little love can save a life. Humans, such simple creatures after all. Much […]
Who needs suicide when the pain can rot away your insides for you?
He he, I’m going to die sooner or later. We all do! Whether it be 80 years from now, or the next time I take the plunge over the quarry’s edge. It’s all fluff.
I rolled up the night on a spool of black silk and never will I return again. He he, J has a carrot in her mouth. My dad’s carrot. My dad’s truck is in her driveway. My mother’s institutionalized.
No more refills without a doctor’s appointment. Ha. But there’s no one to tell that to. Going to be interesting in the […]
Anyone ever read books of NDE’s (Near Death Experiences)? Or visited NDERF.org (basically the holy grail for NDE stories). There’s also a podcast called NDE Radio. I have done both for at least 5 years, and found them interesting, even if skeptical. I know full well that some are lies, exaggerations (including the proven liar Eben Alexander who was outed as a fraud), but many cannot be due to the law of averages and also accounts from physicians etc. Even when my father was dying of cancer, on one of his last days he saw his dead mother right in front of me, asked me point blank […]
This list is for a specific person, but for anyone out there who would like to be my friend/ already is my friend, you must be able to tick atleast one of the following attributes.
1) The way you brushed your hair out of your eyes.
2) You never pretended to find my jokes funny…
3) …Unless you actually thought they were.
4) Your self conciousness.
5) The way you’d comfort me when I was down.
6) Your cooking skills were unparalleled.
7) Your favourite Smiths song is “Frankly Mr Shankly”
8) Your crush on the guy that lived across from us.
9) You weren’t afraid to say it how you saw it.
10) The […]
Hey all,
I found this site after I googled mania and how to sleep. Obviously nothing I found helped cause I’ve been reading posts all night.
I wanted to share my suicide experience and hopefully change someones mind or help them see the point in struggling and fighting through life. I have shared a lot about myself and feel comfortable with what I have divulged. Maybe my experiences are similar or maybe they shed light on mental illness and how it affects yourself and others. Maybe what I have confessed will give you the courage to speak openly with your friends and family and seek help […]
So my sister found my account in some forum. Yesterday. My mother just told me some minutes ago.
They have been all this two days reading at my personal stuff. Things I’ve never said to them. My feelings, my private life. My sexual orientation doubts, my problems with friends, my problems with my father. All the things I’ve said about them. Also good stuff. When I met that girl. That night with that boy. Big parties with lots of alcohol, and those with something else. How they ended. Everything. I’ve been writing there since I was 17. Now I’m 25. Just imagine.
So, if I didn’t have […]
I’ve just been reading a post from about six months ago on here, and it saddens me how many users that commented on it no longer post on here.
I mean they could have turned their life around and maybe they not longer need a suicidal forum but I kind of suspect from the nature of their comments that they’re no longer with us.
What makes me even sadder is wondering who’ll still be here in six months. How many people I’ve spoken to on here on a daily basis for weeks will still be around.
I won’t be here in six months.
I found this site the other night and from reading many of the posts and responses I can honestly say that I’ve never before been so moved as I have by the overwhelming level of support and consideration that the members of this community repeatedly give to one another.
The personal stories on here are some of the most heartbreaking things that I have ever read and it amazes me how people can open their heart to others even in the midst of personal crisis and turmoil.
I spent time in hospital with some of the most incredible human beings that I’ve ever had the chance to […]
Okay, so where I am, there isn’t long until it’s officially Valentine’s day 2015. Personally I hate the holiday, it only serves to make a lot of people miserable, myself included.
I know a lot of people are on SP because they feel alone but I want to let anyone reading this know…
I love you, and I always will no matter what. I’ll always listen if you need me to.
I want to die!
– But I kept thinking what my family would feel, I am looking for hints as to how they would accept my death. I dont want to be selfish and just kill myself without thinking of what other people whom I think, would not care or people who I wouldnt even have the slightest idea that would care would feel if I committed suicide. I am waiting for the right time that I think that nobody would ever care for me, then its alright to die. the funny thing is it never happens, everytime I have the urge to commit suicide, someone or […]
I have many secrets that I keep from everyone in my life. There is no one person who knows everything about me. Not even my family knows who I really am.
I don’t really like to have conversations with people, regardless of how close they supposedly are to me. I find it hard to have small talk, I usually don’t find anything interesting to talk about to them. I usually end up talking about myself, which I know comes off as being arrogant. When I do talk about myself, I end up talking about a version of myself that isn’t really true. I exaggerate and underplay […]
My friend Crystal ( my persian cat) died on the 31st Jan 2011, she was my only friend, with my anxiety and avoidant personality disorder, I have never connected with anyone or shared how I was feeling with anyone, I have been completely alone. for over 15 years or so. Work I don’t know if I will have a job by the end of the week, positions will be going, mine may be one of them, I won’t cope with that. Been in and out of hospital in the last 15 years or so because of suicide tendencies and self harm. But I think the […]
Someone said how worried/scared they are of killing themselves, because they just started cutting xDD
And it wasn’t even much of any cutting either, just a few scratches? I wonder if they even bled any or will scab over at all 😛
But I litterally bawled out ‘awwwhh!’ after first reading that, as if I was looking at a cute kitten, or this adorable little fucker that I never knew existed until a week or two ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkemK00kPo4 xDD
Something is wrong with me….I mean, everyone has something wrong with them, but damn! >x<
You’ve got a longg way to go before killing yourself…if you’ve -just- started cutting…it takes […]
Hello all! I feel a dire need to express feelings normally hidden by my outwardly cheerful facade; I’m your average 90s kid, born ’87, and I’ve had my share of depression, tried to kill myself twice, both times I’m happy to say were unsuccessful (poison both times). But over time I matured learned to find ways to enjoy life, and save my death for a worthy cause. I think my decision to savor life has made someone very unhappy, I’ve felt there’s been people out to get me for a long time, although that wasn’t the cause of my depression it certainly weighed on me. […]