So fucking broken… I quit.. I’m done… Everything I do I fuck up.. I fail.. Everything’s always a lie… Nothing feels right… All hope is gone… I’m a wreck I can not go on…. Help me out of this hell I’m too weak to reach out.. I guess just lay me down.. I’m ready… I’m not afraid to sleep forever …..
Tag:
ready
I’m in tears tonight. Not entirely sure what triggered it right now, but I’m hurting and I just don’t want to be here at all. I’m just ready to leave this world.
The thought of suicide has been on my mind at least weekly if not daily for the last 40 years. considering I was 13 when I had my first lame attempt to end things (I wrapped an extension cord around my neck and yanked. This was at school and all that happened is I passed out) I’ve had a couple other tries since. I guess I was not ready for those times either. In looking back at things I wonder what it is that I really want. It is not attention as I was alone and did not plan to be around or discovered by […]
It was all so fucking perfect, so foolproof. Nothing could go wrong, I was ready to go, I needed to go. Everything was in place no one would know. Then smack bang out of the blue the night I decided to die was the night another (elderly) family member died. I mean there was no way I could do it people would be calling now there would be no privacy no time. How could this happen? And now I’m stuck here in my own hell with no way out because now I have to wait. How much longer do I have to suffer, is it […]
Since the TBI and NDE I have felt ready to transition.
Despite decades of therapy, death’s call only gets louder.
For each of us it is not if, but when: as per nature, or assisted.
There is nothing mystical to discuss. There are no wounds to others of concern. (The few who know me will be unsurprised.)
Tomorrow will be a new day with or without my participation.
Do not follow my path.
I am not a martyr.
My ego cries to be useful.
My ego cries to die.
I am lost.
When I was in senior school I wanted to die; I don’t mean that in the typical “too much work, not enough freedom” way… I mean it, I really wanted to die. I’d written the perfect note, I had a million painkillers all crushed up ready to mix with some water and down. I didn’t even care what anyone said that day at school ‘cause I knew when I got home it would all be over. Lunchtime arrived and I only had two lessons left until the end of the day; double English. I loved English ‘cause no one really bothered me in it. For […]
Today was the day that I planned to kill myself, but unfortunately my affairs won’t be completely in order until November 25th. I can’t depart from this world until all of my affairs are in order because I don’t want to leave a mess behind for people to clean up. Earlier my ex professor emailed me, and called me asking if I was okay because he felt like I wasn’t. Initially, I denied that anything was wrong, and then I broke down and told him everything. All he did was push me further to suicide because he can’t comprehend the amount […]
I’ve tried overdose a few times, but that doesn’t really work. I’ve seen alot of exit bag stuff and that seems worth a try. I’ve got 60 dollars to spend on this and I’m unsure of what my options are.
I have a sort of big decision to make relatively soon. I hate change, I hate it so much, but it would save me money. I just don’t know how comfortable I’d feel living this way, with other people, when I’m already the world’s most passive push-over. I also pace a lot and need room and time to do that, so I don’t think that the other people I would be living with would like that. I’d also hate for them to figure me out and realize how I truly feel, how dead inside I am and how much this existence bothers me. I don’t […]
you know your born into this world and for the first copal of years of your life you think hey what could go wrong? sadly you soon start to open your eyes and see the world for what it really is i don’t know much about any of you just anonymous bloggers like me i guess but i know one thing death is unavoidable wether it is from natural causes a tragic accident or self inflected. sometimes you don’t want to die other times you know your ready like me i know i want to die i know that theres nothing anyone can do to […]
Lately things have been going haywire for the past few months, and I have finally reached the point where I’m ready to seek help. However things are a bit complicated… and I am unable to receive the help I am quite in desperate need of right now…
I have been depressed for well over a decade to varying extents. Double depression has become somewhat of a norm, I suppose. There have been many times over this period where I have thought I have reached my ‘absolute’ low – and now is certainly not one of them.
Things have just gotten out of control… so much so that […]
Time to go
I leave behind 2 minor children
They are my world……. I am tired of being tired….. tired of waking up everyday to the guilt of my misdeeds of past…….. tired of people saying they understand or just shake it off
tired of always being angry and full of hate I would rather be dead if than to continue to live this way
if you dont know the pain it is hard for you to understand
I am devastated for what my kids will have to deal with but I could no longer go on
I’ve been dealing with this pain for so long… I’ve attempted so many times. I can’t take this anymore. it kills me. I’m afraid to make friends because they’ll all just leave me by death or turning against me. I’m so sick and tired of crying myself to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. And feeling like a fucking mistake to my parents. Why was I born? My mom should have fucking got an abortion. I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE! IT’S TO FUCKING HARD! LET ME GO! PLEASE PLEASE LORD LET ME DIE! I can’t do this anymore. I’m ready to pull the damn trigger and […]
so here I am, beginning the end. Or shall I say someone I’m imagining in my head :). This guy is ready, prepared himself that rope, tied the knot, and did his prep work. Yes I think he is ready.
He needs to do this.
He’s got 1 Oxycodone 30mg, a dozen hydrocodon 7.5/325, some tina, and about a gram of weed. He will probably pick up some more weed later.
He plans to party with Tina. Then when the time comes pop the oxy + water extraction hydro. At some point after that when he peaks he will sit down and take his vacation.
just tired of the suffering, when does it end? im tired of doing all of the exhausting, tedious stuff every day just so i can continue to be alive and struggle. my logical mind tells me that if I pass then my pain will be gone. as long as i live, i will struggle and suffer. i just gotta be realistic. the only true way to END the pain for good is to be no more. im tired of the continued suffering . it hasnt gotten better. its stayed the same or gotten worse actually,, definitely feeling ready to leave as soon as possible. […]
death,
love me.
first time I saw you was in class. i looked at you from the other side of the room, hoping our eyes will meet. guess you didn’t notice.
second time we bumped into each other in the street. you asked what’s up. i was too overwhelmed to answer.
STUPID! STUPID! i later said to myself.
third time i went to your house and rang the bell. i heard your footsteps and fled. i wasn’t ready.
i often like to think that when you opened the door you caught a glimpse of me with one leg in the woods.
death,
i’m so so scared to […]
“Game-Over”
Callisto, star to star
Where can we leap
Leap like the toad
Only Wonka
Pray for me
Catch Lugia
Pidgey use fly in Armageddon
Come like you’re ready to die
Fire and our glocks
Book Of Eli
Kung-Fu is my new do
My rapping days are over
You can take over
Finally! I did it late last afternoon. I made everything ready, and then set me Down in my sofa/ couch and drank 4 beer. I found some good music on my stereo and did it! But… I woke up on the floor. The homemade fabric “Rope” i had made was broken. I remember when i was “Gone” hearing a lot of noise and wery fast loud breathing sounds. Really scary. I don’t know how long i was gone. When i woke up i did’nt knew WHO i was or WHERE i was for like 10 seconds. It was wery unrealistic. Now my throat Hurts when i swallow, […]
I think I am almost ready… I almost let it slip today that I have a plan. No one noticed though all I ever hear is have faith. Well it’s too late for that… I have to pick a date I think that will help push me to get everything ready. I wonder how long it will take for anyone to notice I am gone.
Just need to put my goodbyes in order…I have to say goodbye…
Hi, I don’t know if I’m allowed to say but my name is Jacob, and in my opinion I’m too young too know what I do. I learnt that I wasn’t ready for the real world when I was thirteen, I’ve done some big things that I both regret and don’t regret but first let me tell you why I don’t like males.
when I was young, about ten or twelve (I can’t remember exactly), I was raped by a sixteen year old, he was my girlfriend at the times brother. I had a faze around then where I turned gay because I didn’t know about […]