Why do you think you are not a computer program running in another planet?
Tag:
real
I once had a life, a real home. I lost everything after becoming a whistleblower. I live in poverty but these so called whistleblower groups just used me for them to get money. I was down to one car, have fibromyalgia and my mom committed suicicide a while back. I was in a car wreck a couple of weeks ago. No, not a penny to my name, have tried every medication there is for depression, in great pain I really wish I had died in that car wreck and I want to die now. I have a 9 mm gun and when grandkids leave I […]
Yeah..it’s hard..
Physically I’m not doing well at all, even though I’m trying my best. I don’t know if I’ve ever had to try this hard before.
I’m grabbing the box of tissues for this one.
In the days since my wife left me, I’ve been on a steady decline with my weight and dehydration and seriously, I’m trying my hardest to keep it up. I’m a total mess so I can’t cook or clean for myself right now, but I need to eat. So I have to go out…
I went to breakfast this morning, by myself. Going with anyone right now is completely […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Yiruma-Moon-Light.mp3
I’m tired. I’m just tired.
I’m tired of food. I’m tired of television. I’m tired of work. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of going outside. . I’m tired.
Anytime someone asks how I am, my answer isn’t “I’m fine”
The answer is “I’m tired”
I’ve lost any shred of hope that I might of had. And I don’t see the point.
And the funny thing? I’m tired…but I can’t sleep.
I guess I’m not physically tired. I’m mentally and emotionally tired.
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I don’t feel like going anywhere. I don’t feel like talking.
I seriously […]
She saw my scars. She traced my arm while at work, and just said, “you’re not weak, you’re just too strong to hold it in”. She doesn’t know I like ger, but there was…tenderness there. I’ve never once had that. But I’ve learned from past mistakes, she hasn’t seen the real scars, not my shoulder, not my sides, she doesn’t know the monster within. And I won’t show her.
–If you are in a system you are not a free man( unless you are powerful, rich, influential)
–If you are out of system and living alone you don’t have a life( because life is real when shared)
–A human is not worth living if he don’t have a life
–Only action a human can do to get freedom is suicide
I’ve spent the last 48 hours sitting, walking, cooking…Not hungry. I start pacing. Hello panic attacks…Nothing is really helping. Someone shared a suicide story on Facebook. Great, I decided to watch it. I”m completely beside myself. I go to youtube in the hopes of listening to some music that will help and I find more “suicide hope” videos. Yeah…I’m filled with the hope of an end someday. They all seem to outline my issues in a glorified, filtered image.
Another panic attack. My heart is going to give out before I can commit at this point. I’ve started to cross into the realm of being so […]
A quick disappointing blur. That is what my 23 years have been so far. Maybe it isnt worth dying over. Maybe its not that bad. I have always doubdted myself at every turn, ever since I was a young boy .When I learned that i didnt know my father because I am the product of a drunken one night stand. My biological father was not present because he had to take care of his REAL family. I now have severe social anxiety, its impossible for me to talk to women, or most people for that matter. and I stay inside with my cats most days. […]
being bipolar, having major health issues, and not having any friends makes me need to die. i have noone in real life. i dont work unfortunately. cant keep a job. i reaally need to die. everywhere i go i see folks having what i dont have. i just cant live anymore.
ive been in care from a year old. throughout my childhood it was a never ending stream of social workers, supervised access visits and confusion.my foster parents threw me out when I was 12 as apparently they couldn’t cope with me – I was swearing, smoking a little and being generally grim (normal teenager but whatever) from there was the downfall, or maybe that started when I was born who knows. I lived with 2 other fosters carers after that (1 of which sexually abused me) and I left care when I was 15 to get away from all the nightmares.from then my real mum […]
if you believe planet earth is not spherical it is flat like a table then you are true
if you believe all Indian mythical gods created this planet it is also true
if you believe you are depressed that is also true
Each group of individuals has some believes and those are true
if you believe life is beautiful and worth giving a shot you are true
if you believe life is a ***** and planet earth is no more place of good people that also true
question is what is real fact?
if all people know the fact that ” human life is pointless and they all living as if they […]
Hi, me again. I don’t know what I am really saposto post on this but I do know that what I have already had people say, and the advice they have given, that this is a good community, like no other I have ever seen on the Internet, or even in real life. Call me morbid but I think to be in a community and act the way that I have seen so far, something must have gotten fucked up in your life, but that dose not make you bad, worthless, or less meaningfully than anyone else in the world now dose it. Now to […]
Im not a perfect person ,
Awkwardly so much of my advice i wish i could listen too . Ironic rite huh .
I have what most people want .
Friends , Family , Popularity , A Boyfriend Who loves Me ,
But yet no happiness
I was raped last year by a guy i thought who loved me
Meanwhile i went home to my brother who beat me ,
This illusion that i put is so dumb
No one knows the real inside pain i suffer
Or how i really feel inside
I have bipolar disorder ,
The meds make me tired , but i can never sleep
I […]
does anyone see it like I do. Am I even real, Do I count as a human?
I don’t know whats going on and I can’t really feel, its like I don’t have any real emotions. The few times I do feel sad I cry because I look at my life and feel like I should be crying. But I only end up crying a few tears and then I feel nothing again. I don’t love, I just remember thinking that I did at some point in my life. My ex and I just fell apart literally we just stopped talking and just pushed each other and I cried but there was never a real ending a real break up. We just […]
She’s planned to end it when we get back from vacation. When the real world comes back into our relationship. Get back the day before my 18th birthday just a few days away now. Tonight was the first night I thought I could possibly have the courage to do it. I don’t want to hurt her more. I wish I could do it and it not hurt her at all. She’s the light in my life my sunshine. Without her my world is a very dark place. And I don’t like the dark
I’ve been ‘suicidal’ for awhile. I’ve attempted, been hospitalized, and seen counselors. I never told anyone the real reason, deep down. I told enough to convince people but I was afraid to share the real stuff.
Last night I was writing my suicide note when the closest person in my life, unknowingly, helped me. He started throwing these rubber toys at me and it made me laugh. He’s been teaching me how to shoot rubber bands, too.
But after he went home, and I was there all alone, I knew that I was on the very edge. And one little game wouldn’t take me back to that […]
A switch.
That’s how I’d describe my mentality.
During the day I’m this bubbly ignorant person who brushes everything off of her shoulders. Smiling all the time. I’m not even sure if the smiles are real or polite. Anyways, that’s how I am during the day. But at night? It’s a complete flip. The opposite of my “Day” self. Like a switch. It’s as if your lights turn on and the deepest darkest corners of my mind come to light. And when the artifcial light goes out, those thoughts do too. I don’t know.
Why can’t god just take my life already? Iv been through hell my whole life a and once I kill myself I’m gonna go to hell for one of the biggest sins someone can do. I just hope god has Mercy on me when I Â kill myself. I have a pistol with no safety on it and I always have one in the chamber I always point my gun to my head and play with the trigger hoping I accidently pull the trigger all the way and die 🙂 isn’t it sad that the only thing that puts a real smile on my face is […]
Today’s goal—-act normal, and maybe I’ll feel normal. Robot mode. Tell the doctor everything that’s really wrong, with the straightest face.
I had a dream last night I got sent back to the hospital. It was even more decrepit and bare then the real life one.
No wonder I can’t sleep. If it’s images of the disgusting things that’ve happened it’s images of guns and using them.
But, no, I have to act normal today. Distractions are futile, but I’ll be a robot.