Wanting to end it.

Yeah, I want to end my life as well. My reasons are  arm long.  I was rape at eighteen years on the day of my eighteen birthday party by my boyfriend at the time. The same boyfriend would push me against the wall, and grab my wrist with a scary look on his face. ( I left him but he help with my own emo feelings. ) The next year was my senior year. I lost MOST of my friends because one of something STUPID. I learn I had most fake friends then real friends. No one would believe me about the rape. , but a different boyfriend. I had flashbacks I had to deal on my own. I don’t do thepry or anything just suffer because NOTHING works for me. Music keeps everything at bay though.  My mother is a *****. She goes into these random anger stuff how she says I am worthless, I am not good enough for anything. I should be dead.   She turns around, buys em stuff and makes it okay.  Thank god, she takes pill for those now.

I have no friends who can comfort me like I comfort them when they are like this. I did have a different different boyfriend who was PRETTY damn close, but sadly he just dump me a week ago.  So I am alone once again. Yes, I have real friends but half the time they vent on me, and don’t give me a chance to vent. Or if I curse at them when I feel upset or hurt. They get butthurt about it, and get mad at me! What the hell do I do for that?!?

Far as I know NOTHING! I live by, ‘ don’t hold in your feelings.’ and I really don’t have a filter when it comes to them.  I always get the shit of things!  I have been one year clean of cutting and I just broke it because my friend snap at me for cursing her out being on a site WAY to often in my option.  I have been with her for many years, and she snap at me for something small like that?! God, I know she was stressed out and worry about me.  But did she have to make things worse for me?

Honestly, death seems better then this.  There’s only one reason I am even breathing or getting help because if I don’t my best friend who I call twin will hunt my ass down in heaven or hell just to kick it for ditching her.  She’s the reason I am venting to random people who don’t know me.

I am sorry if it’s hard to read to,but I am crying my eyes out right now.