when you are REALLY tired, you always want the easy way out, its like listening to a scratched record over and over again when someone who thinks they know really doesnt know, and they try to preach to you. i remembered my mentally handicapped brother god rest his soul being tied to a radiator in the bathroom with a belt while my 22 yr old mother ran the street and left us, i remember being locked in a room for days with a skeleton key without food or water and being BEAT for sneaking out trying to find something to eat. i remember there being nothing in […]
Tag:
Relationship With God
as i sit here typing each word that pops into my mind, i feel so friken depressed. i think of my past present and future. my past was horrible my present is worse and my fututre might be hell or i might so something with my self. i havent talked to my father in forever cuz i dont trust him he a crack head and i dont feel safe around him he is just worsesome. i saw him for the first time in 2 years and i started to cry cuz i felt scared and weak. i started cutting myself again. i feel like shit […]
I have seen a counselor twice because of my self harm issues but I stopped going to the counselor because I didn’t ever like going. Looking back on the times that I was there and the discussions we had I realized that I wasn’t entirely honest with her. When I would talk to her I could tell by the way she looked at me that she thought I was dumb. I am one of those people who have parents still together, I have a home, I have dinner on my table, and I’m pretty. You may think with all of that, how can a person […]
My mom constantly calls me stupid and tells me I’m a jerk, piece of trash, lazy, etc. She’s going through a stressful point in her life and I see it, but why is she hurting me? She doesn’t hit me, at least not physically. But sometimes the things she says hurt worse that the physical things abusive parents do. I’m still young, but even when I was younger I was thought of as something special. I scored off the charts on standarized tests, blew away the standard curriculum at my public school, and was invited into many gifted programs and such. I’m currently in the […]
i attempted offing myself about a 2 weeks ago….ive just been to damn ashamed to say anything….what is this….attempt 12…..13maybe?? i think ive gotten to the point where im just used to the failure. The pills only made me spaz thru the night. i kinda get a kick out of how cruel God is. it surprises me tht i can still have a relationship with God, no matter how one sided it is…..i begg and pray, and he just looks on. i swear my pain and eternal torment is his entertainment! Atleast Death holds me in the night. tho its not time for me to […]