past present && future

as i sit here typing each word that pops into my mind, i feel so friken depressed. i think of my past present and future. my past was horrible my present is worse and my fututre might be hell or i might so something with my self. i havent talked to my father in forever cuz i dont trust him he a crack head and i dont feel safe around him he is just worsesome. i saw him for the first time in 2 years and i started to cry cuz i felt scared and weak. i started cutting myself again. i feel like shit everyday. i walk into school and i put on a smile to hide the pain. in my past and my present i still cant be alone ith a man in a room w/o spazing out. i dont remeber much about my childhood nor do i want to remember it. my present is still very harsh im trying my best not to cut but it helps relieve me deepest pains. my future i really do have a dream set after high school i want to go to vmi(viginia military institute). and get the army to pay for it then serve my time b/c i feel the army could help me sort out my miserble out of control life. after im dont with my time in the army i always wanted to become a professional wwe wrestler. i know it sounds crazy but thats the only dream i hold onto and thats what i think about when i feel like killing myaself…. life is just to complicated. i always think why me why did i have to be born to this family or why did i ever have to be born….. i have a good relationship with God and im going on a mission trip soon hopefully that can help me get on the right path also…. i just guess i have to deal with this sick joke everybody calls….LIFE