September 10, 2013
As this may be the last year of my life, I am posting this confession, if you will, to explain why I might commit suicide sometime between June-November of 2014. It’s way out there in mid to late 2014 and not now because I’m giving myself a last chance to succeed. I’m old now, I’ve had 3 health crises in the last 3 years, and my finances, while sufficient for the next 2 years, are not enough to carry me through a long retirement. At this point, given my health, depressed mental condition, and the odds of achieving a major financial reversal […]
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Relatives
I am a 23 year old girl from India… I am an engineer and I am doing my post graduation now… I have a loving sister, an over protective mother and a really nice father… they love me indeed but out of all the love they have for me, they just fail to see how screwed up my life is…
I was in a really committed relationship for almost 3 years… And it’s been a year since we broke up… He was my first and I wanted him to be the only one… here in India SEX is everywhere but it’s just a taboo when it happens […]
The worst fear in my life is not that i will lead a lonely life but that the loneliness will drive me insane.
Even when I am in the midst of a huge crowd, a familiar crowd of friends and relatives, that feeling of loneliness creeps in and sometimes pushes me into that unholy pool of madness… where the first impulse is to hide from everyone, the second is a strong desire to run away from everything and everyone,and then i get caught up in a feeling of despair… at how helpless and useless i am and then the doubts about why i am here to […]
Try to make moments merry, playing some tunes, attempt at lightening up the mood. Again dismissed, unwanted commentary. Once again surrounded by family but I feel so alone, unneeded, unnecessary, my appetite lost, my brief content from visiting relatives gone, in a heartbeat. I can’t wait to leave.
More relatives have come spontaneously to spend time with me without realization of my departure. It’s quite hysterical actually.
I never thought that the people i watched on the tv in health class could one day be me. I never thought i would feel so helpless that i would want to die. But i do…and have attempted sciucide three times, each time i have either been stopped by someone, or it just didnt work. I think that this depression, or feelings of depression came about the start of my 9th grade year. Everyone has a group of friends, i was too unsocial to join one and now im too late, everyone always says; oh wow your so funny or you crack me up, but […]
I was at the age of 12 when the bullying started. It was a group of my now former best friends, who would taunt and ridicule me-leaving the young me to feel loneliness and depression. I thought about suicide a lot at 12.
I went on to middle school, where I became a stereotypical nerd. I had very little friends and would often find myself picked last in gym class (yes, things like this actually happened to nerds lol). In my last year of middle school I made it a mission to stay as invisible as possible-I had several friends, never spoke up in class-and almost […]
I don’t know how to say this but here it goes:
“Useless, Ugly, Hated, Misunderstood, Piece of crap” are words to describe myself. I’ve never been help to anyone, all I’ve ever been was a bother. A bother to my parents, my friends, my relatives, my family and all. No wonder I get screamed at alot of times. I’m useless. No matter how hard I try, things always turn out wrong and dissapointing. I’ve never known a happy ending, other than those in the fairytales. But fairytales are not real, never will be. Some people will just say “Life’s what you make it”. But that doesn’t […]
My parents saw my cus and flipped of course. then say i need to go to a psychiatrist again and this guy seems to not understand or give a crap…..i just want to know what to do, how to feel at least ok. I want help. I want to be ok. But nothing works i tried it all and nothing. I can be doing a million things and i still can’t stop thinking about everything thats wrong.
I cant stop thinking about dying….i just want to die. i want just stop breathing.
All i think about is the next time i can cut myself, when my relatives leave […]
I just want someone who understands this emptiness…
Somehow the pain that I used to feel so long ago has become something constant even when I thought it was all over, I tend to pretend smiles and create banal conversations with my relatives so they don’t think I’m up to this all over again… it’s something I do without thinking, just feel they’d be better on the ignorance.
And then after faking so many smiles I’m too tired to feel the pain and feel nothing but emptiness, the worst thing that could happen because the inner empty make me be cold and careless besides the fact that […]
I’m about to od on heroin, sorry I never got to know any of yall, but I wish u all the luck in the world. It’s this or fosterhome all my relatives are now dead and in another country. I might as well die too, peace. xoxoxo
I wish i could be a good daughter. I have just troubled my parents. they both are old and sick, and i do nothing for them. if my mom cries before me, i cant wipe her tears i cant even talk to her nicely. I always yell at her and my dad. my dad’s sick too but i never lend him a hand at anything. i cant get myself to do that. ill sit in my room and keep thinking i should be doing it but i cant get myself up to do it. still they are very nice they never say anything bad to […]
So recently I got my hands on some prescription medications and here we go again, that much I was tempted to take them and end it all. My outdated concepts came back to lure me. I even set the date in my mind. Thank goodness I decided to do some research first. And what I found immediately cast off all my doubts. Although those are quite potent drugs that do kill in an overdose, but however unsurprisingly, even in good combination it would take as long as 24 hours before death occurs. I certainly don’t have as much time, so I had to bitterly put […]
Yes, that’s what my mother struggled to rub in me yesterday. All because I left my university without her goddamn permission in the midterm. I found a job, she wouldn’t let me work. She claims that I’m living in a kind of faitytale. She wants me to study, study, study… I’m so sick of it. I’m in for a fuckload of problems now. She is running out of money. I am running out of patience. Having to wait for another half-year to be able to work in the summer and pick up the fucking money I need to buy a gun. If I make a […]
I locked myself in my room for tree days now without food and water. I’ve been crying and thinking for these past 3 days. I locked myself because I got into a fight and mostly because I’m done. I’m done with everyone. Nobody understands me, I ask for help nobody gives me help. Everybody tells me the same thing everyday. My parents thinks i’m going through that teenage stage but actually its more then that. I’m sick of everyone.
I wish i wasn’t caught from those 3 times a tried to kill myself. I wish I was the one who died instead of my best friend […]
I have died in my dreams a hundred times. I have tried to kill myself several times in my waking life, which seems more like a living nightmare to me. Â In all the 20 years I’ve lived I haven’t done a single good thing. All I have is regrets, though when I come to rethink the steps I took and the choices I made there doesn’t seem to be another way I could have gone.
I have been a complete failure since my childhood. But back then I took life much easier because my childhood activities took me away from all the bad thoughts and my […]
Just fancied a rant on a lonely Saturday eve…
cant seem to get excited about Xmas this year and dreading New Year’s Eve as usual…. Makes me feel inadequate…just lost my sat job cos I wasn’t well enough to man a crisis line- was just taking msgs though couldn’t help think of all the unhappy ppl out there and the worried relatives making those calls, could be my mum ringing up…. And yet still dream of not being here, just sitting at home doing nothing, I can’t even be bothered be think positively, knowing that I do have it an awful lot better than most…. I […]
So this is my first post and I just want to say that my life is full of shit as I’m sure some (or most) of yours are too. I don’t have anyone who can hold me and try to make me feel better in my dire time of need. I already made a plan to kill myself. I even have several backup plans just in case and my final backup plan would be to jump. A 27 story jump would work. I am just going to wait until the end of the week so I can properly say goodbye to my best friend who […]
I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve never been good at opening up to people, never really had any close friends who I can actually trust to tell this to. My parents, pshh I’d have more luck venting to my dog. So excuse me if I seem nervous.
I’m turning 24 in 4 days. A lot has happened to me in these 23 years of life. Not a lot of them good. And the worst things have happened within the last year.
I wish I was a kid again. Being a kid is so damn easy. You have not a single care in the world, other […]
It’s hailing.
My parents left, they took my little brother again.
Last night I relapsed and my left thigh looks like plaid.
I’m scared.
I can’t not talk to anyone. But, no one really knows me here…
two weeks ago, 10/04.. My dad and I got in a fight about me getting glasses…
He got mad because I should have gotten them when everybody else in the family did. When I pointed out the fact that he bragged about his 20/20 vision for years, and yet he JUST got glasses in June. He hit me.. twice. When I tried to runaway he chased me then shoved me…. I filed a DCFS […]
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