3 days trapped

I locked myself in my room for tree days now without food and water. I’ve been crying and thinking for these past 3 days. I locked myself because I got into a fight and mostly because I’m done. I’m done with everyone. Nobody understands me, I ask for help nobody gives me help. Everybody tells me the same thing everyday. My parents thinks i’m going through that teenage stage but actually its more then that. I’m sick of everyone.

I wish i wasn’t caught from those 3 times a tried to kill myself. I wish I was the one who died instead of my best friend dying. She didn’t deserve to die. I feel targeted by everyone. I feel hated, i feel alone, I feel empty. SO empty i can’t tell if i’m hungry, thirsty, or if i need to go to the bathroom. Lately I’ve been feeling if I’m bi-polar or going psycho. I don’t know because I’m having abnormal thoughts.

I want someone to understand me for once. I have so many emotions, anger, hurt, sadness inside and I can’t let it all out because everyone just leaves me alone. Nobody in my family understands. I’m just tired of holding all my tears and emotions. I want to scream and cry. I went through a lot. And not just teenage high school stuff, or drama in school. I’ve been through many emotional events. I’ve been abused, I’ve been betrayed by my own family and relatives, my best friend died in a tragic death, so many emotional events happened, but nobody seems to see that I’m very hurt and in trauma, nobody cares that I’ve tried to kill myself. Nobody gives me help that I need. So I’m trapped in my room. Thinking should I just end it now or should i go this whole week without food and water? I don’t know.