Fuck all of this… even with you sitting right next to me, suicide is still my first thought… why am I still here; I’m so done with this all…
Yes you. You know who you are…if you could be by my side right now I may feel less darkened by the demons.
I miss you.
Give me an hour or two..
Well, it’s officially clear. I am absolutely worthless and can’t do anything right.
I try to make people laugh, and it is instantly qualified as “begging for attention”, unless someone else does/says it, in which case, it’s hilarious.
I try to help out around the house and I get in trouble for not doing it right and yelled at because I am not my brother or sister.
I try to be myself and I get hated for it.
If I were to list all of the things I did wrong, the list would go on forever. I am a worthless screw-up and the world would […]
Days like today make me recount the week that I was hospitalized and my mother was the ONLY person who visited me, aside from my fiancee, who expressed the entire time how much he didn’t want to be there and constantly found excuses to go do stuff somewhere else. I’m so lonely. I’m not sure what it is about me that just repulses people. Nobody acts like they truly want to spend time with me. Right now I’m sitting alone at my kitchen table while I watch all of my fiancee’s friends play the new Mario Kart 8. There’s nowhere for me to sit and […]
One day I woke up, and things just weren’t quite right.
I hid from the windows and their bright shining light.
In darkness I sat there, refusing to bite,
On the food set before me, a former delight.
All senses seemed muted, though they left with a fight.
My thoughts they weighed heavy, on my mind into night.
Nightmares and dreams snares, woke me with a fright.
Went searching for meaning, but was nowhere in sight.
Nothing is sacred, this just can’t be life.
Use the ledge at the ball park, one day I […]
I don’t know how much more I can take this. Help.
17 year old girl kills herself
How does that sound?
She traveled to Haiti, helped build a school, was part of the soccer team, contributed more than 200 hours of service to her community.
Does that make my life anymore valuable than the next victim?
What about being disrespectful, to my parents, my sister, myself
Do I deserve death now?
Every time I feel down an depressed I tell myself I don’t have he right to, there are so many people in worse conditions with a smile on their face and here I am complaining
I don’t deserve not have the right to feel sad
I […]
So I started to become chronically depressed which only worsened as I aged. I believe it started when I was 8. Parents are selfish with terrible emotional and self esteem issues who should never have had the right to conceive. To summarize; Mom is a few wire-crosses short of self-combustion. Ego driven, superficial maniac that is incredibly angry and would just scream, scream, scream 24 hours a day. In any other previous time period she would have been taken out back behind the barn and put out of her misery like a rabid dog. Dad has some self-esteem issues, and would basically put me down […]
I had an appointment with my mental health team again today, or something that resembled that, as it was agnes again, the women who’s job a monkey could do, which sounds cruel I know, but she studied for what three to five years to be a counsellor, yet displays no professional skill, its like talking to one of my mums friends, or some women who just walked in off the street
To be honest I was in a mood, she started off by saying ‘what a lovely day, good day to get some washing out, do you ever hang out washing’ I didn’t reply, so […]
Have you ever felt so much pain from all your hurtful past events that you break down crying? But then there just one event in particular that makes your skin crawl, even the thought of it makes you wanna fall apart right then and there…..You feel like you wanna break down and cry….But nothing comes out, so you sit there completely numb to the world around you, just being consumed by your own thoughts….Constantly asking yourself “Why?”…..Then everything just crashes down before your eyes…….and after a while……you just give in and wait for death…..Know the feeling?
~.Andi.~
I mean, it’s only the right thing to do before you attempt anything…you may come back, you may not. And if not you want to make sure you sincerely said your apologies
But I have so much grief on my heart right now, it literally, physically hurts. Has anyone else felt this sensation before? I hate it.
today i sat on my bed with 205 pills lying in front of me. all a combination of my daily meds. i figured if i took them all i’d probably die. i thought about which would be the easiest to swallow first. i sat for about 30 minutes with my death centimeters away. there were so many thoughts going through my head but one that kept repeating was “you wont fucking do it.” I figured there was a slight chance i could make it but i knew i’d have to get my stomach pumped. so i went on google to see how long i’d be […]
i hate this world
people dont care about our feelings, im depressed i would never off myself even tho everyone around me makes me wanna kill myself, i dont feel sad, i dont feel anything, we are saving our selves from this world, we are making the world a better place for everyone. i dont like it here but i need to be here there was a purpose to my birth, i just dont know what it is. if you get sad dont cut, right what you hate about yourself on a piece of paper then burn it, just burn it and you will never see […]
I want to go home. I don’t understand anymore. My life is full of happiness and love, I have everything I could ever want, I like who I am. I am strong in my religion, I have lots of friends and lots of people that love me. Why am I considering suicide? I’m on medication and I go to therapy. Why am I still anxious and depressed? I’m so scared. I don’t remember how to be happy. The thought of killing myself scares me, why am I still tempted? I wish I knew how to fix this. Right now, it seems killing myself is the […]
Music isn’t helping me at all right now…..but I hope the tune I’m listening to at the moment distracts you guys for a little while. The lyrics here are quite nice. Enjoy.
You ask me if I’m okay, I say I’m fine.
I Lied
“Do you want a hug?””No”, I replied.
I lied
“Something wrong?””No”, I said.
I lied
The only time I tell the truth is when I’m broken down, and crying.You say It’ll be all right
You lied.
Hi,
I haven’t posted in a long time. Although I have felt suicidal the hole time I have been waiting for “the right time” . I chose June 11th the day before my Birthday. the only problem w/ that is I really want to do It this weekend. I Â am not getting any better. I’ve been doing everything I’m supposed to do. But I feel like I don’t belong. My own brother is trying to bring me down and making me feel like i’m not doing the right thing, even tho I have been sober for 8 months and following the program of the group home […]