I ain’t living long like this. No one or nothing could help me. It’s been a decade, nothing yet. There are holes in the floor of my mind, like those in a medieval dungeon floor — Making it difficult for me to crawl back up from the pit. I feel worse than numb. The medicines only fucked me up real bad. I can’t even begin to talk about them for I’ll have to pen an entire fucking essay on it. Bruh. Oh, the ECT made me lose my fucking memory. Sure, it did help me with my severe mania episodes, but it worsened my OCD […]
[rant alert]
I’m unlucky. I can’t even begin to say how unlucky I’m. Maybe I just fuck myself up, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m fucked. I’ve nothing. I would top the school back-to-back in the mid-tests and mid-exams, but then my body would randomly decide to put my life in danger during RE/TEE. I had acute health complications, both physical and mental. I survived Varicella in grade 10 and Enteric flu in grade 12. I had only 30% attendance. Although, I still managed to score 97% (with two 100/100) and 92% tho, I didn’t top the school. That sure was embarrassing — note: […]
[no censor]
I don’t wanna fucking live anymore. I hope there’s no afterlife. I just want to die, and that is fucking it. If there was another realm or anything of the sort, I’d seriously be more fucked up than I’m now ‘cause I think the problem is not just with my body and my mind, but also with my soul – if there is any. I feel like some evil maggot has drilled a hole so deep in my skull that it is controlling every fucking thing that’s me. I just wanna be gone. Forever. I wanna die, and I don’t give a fuck about anyone. […]
This is hard. Being lonely hurts. I know in my heart I am loved but I cant sit alone. I am lost. Completely and utterly depressed. I am suppressed with emptiness. I am not content. I can’t stop this. This feeling is painful. I am so tired of this. I can’t survive only a day a week. It’s too much. This feeling is too much. I love you, but this is hard. For so long I have had someone. I never had to sit alone for nights on end. This was gone so quickly. It’s been months and I still can’t handle this. My loneliness […]
I feel like the biggest waste of space. I feel like I am unwanted. I just want to be accepted. I just want to have friends that always want to hang out. I want to be the one in the picture, not the one taking the photo. I don’t want to be the fifth member, or the other one. I wish I was different. I wish I was happy.
Every single day, a thought of me committing suicide or me simply not being here.. crosses my mind.
I want to obtain happiness within, but the darkness/sadness wins every time. It’s hard to walk up a very steep hill with 20tons on your back.
My thoughts are always with me, I cannot escape them.
my thoughts hurt me. actions hurt me. everything hurts.
I am currently a senior in high school. As the time went on throughout my high school years, I slowly started to gather information and reasoning on why I don’t need to be here anymore. I don’t feel important and there have been so many incidences where I was not remembered by the people I thought would. My “friends” all worry about each other, but when it comes to me I am nothing nor a thought. I have a multitude of stress at home to go along with my sadness and it just becomes too overwhelming. I also have work that kicks me while I’m […]
I must apologize in advance, because I’m going to put a lot of videos and articles in this post and it will probably occupy a lot of space on the starting page of this site (needless to say, feel free to write your opinions about euthanasia in the comment section).
https://theconversation.com/separating-fact-from-fiction-about-euthanasia-in-belgium-58203
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3748787/Euthanasia-tourists-rush-Belgium-free-lethal-injections-staggering-2-023-medically-killed-year.html
https://newsmavens.com/news/aha-moments/2088/belgium-fears-euthanasia-tourism
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/12/24/brussels-denies-eu-rules-encourage-euthanasia-tourism/
And a PDF about euthanasia in Belgium:
Lyrics:
Trouble, oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face and it’s too much, too much for me
Trouble, oh trouble can’t you see
You’re eating my heart away and there’s nothing much left of me
–
I’ve drunk your wine, you have made your world mine
So won’t you be fair, so won’t you be fair
I don’t want no more of you, so won’t you be kind to me
Just let me go where I’ll have to go there
–
Trouble, oh trouble move away
I have […]
Lyrics:
Everyday nothing seems to change
Everywhere I go I keep seeing the same old things
and I, I can’t take it no more
I would leave this town, but I,
I ain’t got nowhere else to go
–
Wake up in the morning to more,
more bad news and I
sometimes I feel like I was born to lose and I,
It’s driving me out of my mind
Gonna catch the next train and I
move on down the line
–
I’ll be ready now
I’ll be […]
(Acoustic) Blues
Lyrics:
Hard times is here and everywhere you go
Times are harder than ever been before
–
You know that people, they are driftin’ from door to door
But they can’t find no heaven, I don’t care where they go
–
People, if I ever can get up off of this old hard killin’ floor
Lord, I’ll never get down this low no more
–
When you hear me singin’ this old lonesome song
People, you know these hard times can last us so long
–
You […]
[A suicide note draft from my notebook]
At the time I am writing this, the sun is rising. I’ve always kind of had a soft spot for the sunrise. Especially when you stay up all night to watch it. Waking up just to see the sunrise is nice too, however, I think it’s a lot harder to wake up than stay up.
I have good memories of sunsets, but a part of me likes sunrises more because I don’t have as many memories tied to them.
The night sky is also extremely calming, but it has the ability to fill you up with adrenaline.
At one of my old […]
Although I may never commit suicide
I spend parts of each day thinking about suicide –
Thinking about how I lack the courage to do it.
–
I wake in the mourning with 60 per cent depression.
That’s how it remains for the whole day,
Except for the odd occasion in a year
–
In the doorway or on the street I meet by chance
For a few minutes a woman passing-by
Who has the time to stop and talk for three minutes
–
Or five minutes or even sometimes seven or eight minutes,
Who rocks back on her heels in her pink, hooped skirt
With laughter, no matter what the topic.
–
Depression and despair are two different states
Of mind, […]
Have you ever tried or even thought about committing suicide to any of these places? And do you have a place in which you would like to commit (or attempt) suicide?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=284&v=9M-LRw1mYYo
As for me, I went to the Corinth Canal several times (for those who don’t know, I live in Athens, Greece), but I never thought to jump from the Acropolis of Athens… And I keep wondering why…
Our efforts are those of men prone to disaster;
our efforts are like those of the Trojans.
We just begin to get somewhere,
gain a little confidence,
grow almost bold and hopeful,
–
when something always comes up to stop us:
Achilles leaps out of the trench in front of us
and terrifies us with his violent shouting.
–
Our efforts are like those of the Trojans.
We think we’ll change our luck
by being resolute and daring,
so we move outside ready to fight.
–
But when the great crisis comes,
our boldness and resolution vanish;
our spirit falters, paralyzed,
and we scurry around the walls
trying to save ourselves by running away.
–
Yet we’re sure to fail. Up there,
high on the walls, the […]
Erased (Isle of Solitude)
(Anime/Manga)
“I want to go to an island that has no pain or sadness.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-1Qhd87tdo
(Length: 1m, 5s)
Sorry for being one big otaku, talking a lot about anime and games and stuff. ^^; But it’s all still sort of relevant, as their pretty dark and sad… Plus one user (Agnostic Angel I think) was talking about Celeste and put the “Fun and Interesting” tag to it, so I thought I would to. :p
Who knows, maybe you’ll find all the things I share like a hurt/comfort […]
Here we are
Stuck by this river,
You and I
Underneath a sky that’s ever falling down, down, down
Ever falling down
Through the day
As if on an ocean
Waiting here,
Always failing to remember why we came, came, came:
I wonder why we came
You talk to me
as if from a distance
And I reply
With impressions chosen from another time, time, time,
From another time
Just feeling very broken. I just had a good weekend around friends, but I feel like all of the emotional energy may have triggered something sad or dark. Idk if it happens that way for others? I’m trying but I’ve already cried a few times today.
I don’t know what to do or anything….I’m lonely, alone, worthless, not anything but a waste of space, time, effort…anything. I would give my life story but have so many times, would also be a book…i type too much. I annoy others I just gwt in the way. I have tourettes, as well as many mental issues some self diagnosed, others not,
I have many health problems like celiac disease, back issues, jaw messed up, etc.
I try to make friends, but everyone gets tired of the way I talk or I’m plain boring. I’m married and trying to get divorces…middle of it. He is extremely narsisistic […]
Will the doors of our perception ever be cleansed?
Newer Posts