Bottle of wine, TV noise background, inactivity on Facebook, Zoloft & HIV antiretroviral meds, GB & purp, living with parents unemployed, degree-less as a college drop-out, making impulsive decisions I cannot fight that will land me in PRISON, all at I-95’s biggest pothole on a Saturday night the weekend before turning 28 wasting my time talking with people who want to chat and string me along instead of actually taking action and meeting…this is real life?
Sure, I got this…… #steadymobbin
I tried I really did but in the end everyone just abandons me, guess that’s what I get for surrounding my self with selfish people. I think Saturday night will be perfect im going to end this pain. I know theres a few good friends that will truly be hurt but in the end I think they already knew I was suffering way to much. As for the rest fuck em I hope they feel like shit, personally Id rather them not care because they never really cared at all. You see some people deal with emotional pain or physical pain I have both, I […]
Breakdown. Well not yet. Nothing is well. I am really close to the edge. Certainly there is no one i can admit this to. I want to cry myself out at this very moment because so much has piled up and i put  everything in my little drawer and now everything has fallen out and what a mess. Look at me, i am just sitting in the middle of everything so mad and frustrated,embittered so that is probably why i can’ t cry.  I get up every morning and i am going to get up tomorrow too, well maybe around noon since it is  late […]
Saturday night I went to the homecoming dance I decided to go because I thought that it’d be nice to go out since I’d spent the whole day doing nothing but sleeping, once I got there I felt out of place because I showed up alone and just greeted people  I started dancing by myself trying to make it a good night and there was times where I caught myself feeling sad and sat down because I just didn’t feel like being up there  and had no interest but I did dance most of the time and even requested a few songs so I can […]
hey guys.. its saturday night and im writing this! dandy! i just moved in to the states.. and yeah things are definitely different.. hard to adapt.. *puh* so i’m spending this saturday night in.. alone.. and.. listening to NYC by Interpol! wow! haha..
anyways.. I just wanna share my story.. i dunno what I’m getting out of this.. but.. it’s been tough I came off my meds.. a while back.. I popped some e’s over the last year that definitely did not help.. I just don’t feel things the way I used to.. makes it twice as hard to get a girl.. or anything really..
shy as […]
I go to a public school but it is a very high-standards school. We take both highschool and college classes at the same time. No, they’re not AP, we actually take them at the local community college. This school is SO stressful, I am just a freshman and almost killed myself in December. Almost all of the juniors are potheads, to deal with their stress. The school is also stereotypical for socially awkward kids but really, we just don’t give a fuck about drama and the social scene. There are about 400 kids total (all of the grade levels 9-12) where the other schools in […]
Im so tired of this shit. completely exhausted. its a fucking saturday night and everyones ditched me.only because i cant drink or smoke pot. you know what, this worlds better off with out me, not like anyone would show up to my funeral. i lost the one person who actually cared and hes not coming back so whats the fucking point anymore. i feel like a useless pawn that should have died years ago. please god if you exsist, just make this shit go away…..for the love of your one and only son please. cant take it anymore im tired of being alone tired of […]
A random man on the street told me that cut a few years ago. “stop the world when you wanna get off!” He said as he walked passed me on a saturday night. Even before that night ive always thought about suicide. So much since such a young age that I’m positive im going to commit it. Just waiting for the time to be right. I used cut myself till I felt numb. Not ask a suicide attempt just to feel numb. Thsts all I end eres want is to be numb to evrrything but that would probably turn me into a drug addict. I […]
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