The Count begins and ends at Zero.
They don’t see,
don’t hear,
don’t feel
don’t understand… US!
With gouged eyes,
crushed throats,
scarred hearts
and broken minds… Scream and Cuss!
High on their happy ignorance,
arrogance blinds them
to the reason.
Treated like lepers,
only we see the truth
falsified as lies.
In the name of progress,
they dance off the cliff called Advancement.
In the name of freedom,
we run to the embrace called Death.
They desire power.
We desire peace.
Leaving is never easy.
It is rather hard.
And even though it may seem dreamy,
It can only make you scarred.
I’ll be missing me,
Even if no one else does.
Because exactly like at sea,
The wind blows just because.
It is sad,
Knowing I’ll be gone.
That’s why I must stay,
And live on.
I must endure the pain.
The journey is long,
But I think I can cut thorough the chains
Because to leave without a goodbye is wrong.
Not a goodbye to them,
But to me.
I deserve better
And to be free.
This is getting really difficult now.
I had a meeting with the crisis team last Friday, the lady was so lovely I just wanted to say “you could be this amazing person to someone who isn’t visualising themself jumping off a building right now”.
She said she was concerned. That the only thing holding me back from killing myself is the impact of who finds me etc. I’ve read too many things of train drivers who are emotionally scarred by someone jumping in front of them etc.
But it is something I am thinking of less and less as the overwhelming feelings of nothingness take over me.
I feel […]
Hi.. I am MrSilent. There is not much to know of me so I won’t bother with the details. I will give a very broad background of why I have chosen this name..
For years and counting, I have been silent. Silent of my emotion, silent of my thoughts and silent of my life and it’s duration. Recently, I’ve stumbled upon this community. I thought it would be quite interesting to be able to speak through text.. I have much to say but I will save most for later if I am still living. There is not a doubt that I am slowly collapsing, so, […]
I’m sorry for who I am. I’m sorry that I can’t let anyone close without pushing them away and hurting them, I’m sorry that I can’t make new friends or act like a normal human being for once. I am sorry that this sadness keeps coming back around and hitting me in the face with a baseball bat. I’m sorry that nobody understands or cares too. I’m sorry I’m manipulative.
and finally, I’m sorry that I found this site, for my constant neurosis and self loathing coupled with sadistic, sociopathic-type behavior. What am I supposed to do? You don’t care to understand, […]
I am new to talking about my emotions… I guess a little about me. I’m 18 years old I’m a male. I’m tired of everything I go through. I’m emotionally tired and scarred, physically I put a smile and positive attitude on my face… But inside I’m just trying to find the point of getting up anymore. I don’t need to get up I suppose. Anyone want to try to show me a reason?
My posting on here has grown more frequent. So I apologize about that.
This post is pointless, I’m alone, lost and scarred. (Not afraid, scarred as in scar, for any grammar nazis out there, and I know your here haha).
So I’m going to sit back here, and sip on some wine and play the piano to the tune of my misery. Moonlight sonata, the only song I can play start to finish, I really should find the time and learn some more songs, hmm I might do that actually. Let me get a buzz first.
Nothing like Chopin to play my sorrows out to my hearts content. […]
Im 17 years old. My dad is a heavy drinker and is addicted to meth. When I was younger my dad used to touch me inappropriately when he was all strung out on meth. Everytime I now see him strung out, I play the moment of him touching me. I’m scarred for life. I can’t look at my father the same. I smoke weed to cope. I am really depressed with my home life. No one in my family has ever graduated from my moms side or my dads side, an I want to be the first. But I don’t .believ in myself. I lack […]
So I’m from Australia and it’s all the same boring thing…
So here’s my story:
My mum started sleeping around with guys that were not her husband and my dad. I walked in on my mum in ‘action’ and it scarred me for life. It wasn’t easy having a bedroom right next door to hers.
My dad found out and left home, which was tragic for all of us. My mum continued being a slut. Still is.
Dad broke some news to us that he has been diagnosed with Lymphoma cancer.
to be continued…
So I’ve been alone for a long time, practically all my life. And this recent suicidal phase I’ve gone thru hasn’t helped that at all. Scarred myself up good I did. Even slicing my arm open on a hacksaw by accident one day. I’ve grown a loving for the color black and everything about. In color theory, it’s either the presence of every color or the absence. I like to think every color is present.
But anyway, I’ve made plans and I’ve screwed it into my head that I’m probably going to end up dying alone in my old age. And I think I’m prepared for […]
So, I have just confessed to my boyfriend of almost 5 months that I have come to the conclusion that I’m gay. It was possibly one of the most awful things I have had to do. He cried. He loves me. I love him. But I cannot make myself feel sexually attracted to him. I have always thought that I am probably gay but I since I had only dated one guy before him I thought maybe I just wasn’t attracted to that guy in particular. I was going through the same motions as I was in the previous relationship. Except this time I was […]
“You have broken my heart more times then the fingers on my hand can count. Yet I still carry you. You, a master whose eye have strayed for a moment on a servant such as I. All the beautiful women fought for your affection, an affection that was cast upon me. My scarred body no longer produced deep angry red cuts. You had run the demons away. Alas I am a lowly servant not nearly as beautiful as they who are your equal. Now I lay here with fresh scars without so much as a glance from you. I no longer hold your heart and […]
I miss the girl I used to be. I don’t like the person I see in the mirror anymore. She is even more broken than before. All I see are my scars. Nothing else pushes past them. But I am not in the painful bliss like I used to be. It is almost as if the pain from them has just dissolved into me. I don’t feel anything on the outside anymore and all of my emotions and thoughts that used to keep me numb are focused on the pain of the past. I’ve gotten so used to the pain just being on the outside. […]
At the begining it was only to see if it would hurt as much as i was hurting inside. After, it became like an addiction. It pinched my skin and a soft line of blood ran down my skin. It felt wonderful. I didn’t know what real love is and didn’t have a single friend. So who would care?
It’s been 3 years now that I self harm and struggle with depression. I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times but each time i woke up in a hospital…alive. I thought these pills and alcohol would save me from this fucked up world but it was only […]
just saw a christmas countdown on the news.37 days til christmas.where the fuck did the time go?
now i’m all anxious since i haven’t found a job, been unemployed for almost a year.and it’s crushing me since i promised myself that i would make our family’s 2014 holiday celebrations grand.i’ll fund it, make my parents happy and proud,be the best eldest sis giving presents to my siblings.give grown-up gifts to my relatives as a sign of gratitude.bake a lovely cake, impress my bf and his family.
shit, i’m not going to be able to do any of that.none of that.i’m a fucking disgrace, a loser.it’s making […]
can’t cut. made a promise. not that he’d find out. bars. captured. trapped. prison. burn my skin. bubbling. blistering. open. exclamations. under my breath. laughing. you asking. why. makes me better. the panic attacks. stop. fade. breathing. meditation. calming. focusing. on the pain. think it’s stupid. don’t want me to do it. again. scarred. regret. not now. not then.
self-mutilation. punishment. feeling. don’t have time for that shit. oblivious. addicting. no deep. well rehearsed. reason. i need it. simple fact. if i don’t have that. hold it all in. bottle it up. no outlet. nothing. no way to deal. handle. cope. heard that’s unhealthy. and my […]
My name is not important.
My story begins at a young age. I have always hated myself. At first, it was the little things. I hated my boring brown hair and yearned to be the beautiful blonde or the vivacious red head. I wished I could be shorter, I despised being a sky scraper among my peers. I wished my legs weren’t so hairy, I wished my hair wouldn’t curl at the ends. But these were minor things. I spent my time as an only child traipsing through the halls of my home while my neglectful parents tended to other things, more important than I. And […]
I can’t sleep again, had to wash down another thorazine. I want to paint the walls red but I know it will get me nowhere but scarred for life however long that spark may live on. I am ruminating on my panic attack earlier this week right in the middle of class, the professor sent me home “sick”, I almost jumped off the roof… But I know better (been there, done that). I don’t want to die really, I just want to be free of turmoil and strife. What happens when we die, what do you think? Are we doomed to repeat this miserable life […]
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