I’ve always enjoyed travelling, especially travelling on long distance buses or trains,  just watching the scenes outside the window flew by, there is a sense of calmness to it by being still on this side of the window, and a feeling of safety.  whatever happens outside  the window is just a passing scene,  the beautiful, the dirty, the boring, the spectacular……..just passing away, passing away at a fast speed.  nothing mattered.  the dreary part is arriving, especially at strange big cities, now must get on my feet and get out and be involved with the scenery, it’s scary, uncomfortable, lonely…….how nice would it be […]
Tag:
Scenery
A few days ago I made an attempt and failed. Â Although the entire event was totally painless and quite peaceful I awoke about 30 minutes after only to find my body had apparently taken over using its’ reflexive ability to remove what was “causing harm”. Â I did not take this into consideration and therefore it serves as yet another example of my capacity to fail miserably. Â The end result was a massive headache which slowly subsided as the evening wore on and a persistent thought that I may have caused some sort of brain damage.
Having a bit of medical knowledge I performed self tests to […]
Ever just watch pet fish? Watch them swim around in their bowl? Wonder if they are unhappy swimming in circles, seeing the same things, eating the same things, doing the same things? Does my fish, Flex, even know that my other fish, Murs, is in the bowl with him? Does he even notice the rainbow I put in their to help give them some scenery and something to swim through. Just like school, jobs, and sports are just thrown into the world to give us something to do. The flowers, trees, and ‘mystical wonderlands’ are just scenery to spice up the fact that we are just living in a bowl. Oh, and that fish next to you […]
Right now you’re sitting in your room, all alone and feeling sad. There are a thousand things you know you could do that will cheer you up, but you can’t find the energy to do any of them. And so you just sit there and feel sad. You’d listen to music, but you know that won’t take your mind of things. Because the music you like has words and emotions, right now you can barely speak and can’t help feeling nothing but apathy for the world and everyone in it. Nothing matters and it’s all pretty meaningless. And then you’re suddenly thinking about the meaning […]
I’m just a bastard child don’t let it go to your head I’m just a waste of your time, maybe I’m better off dead They turn us loose in the night, I’m fucking Jekyll and Hyde We’ll have the time of our lives although we’re dying inside….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
so…. Today I stayed with behind to talk to Mr Gregory, a popular venting choice of mine.
Anyways I told him about being suicidal and my intended plans…. Naturally he told me not to do it, and he went through what might happen once I had gone through with my plans.
Why does everything he says always makes perfect sense….
I still feel like going through with it, i only know a few things about my final choices.
Date: Monday 23rd January 2012 .
Time: I don’t know….
Method: Again, I don’t know….
I just know that I want this all to be over, I […]