I Cut. For All The Shame.
I Cut. And You’re The One To Blame.
I Cut. Releasing Pain And For Comfort.
I Cut. Being Molested By A Pervert.
I Cut. Thinking I’m Worthless.
I Cut. Knowing I Have No Purpose.
I Cut. To See The Blood Fulfill And Rise.
I Cut. For All Those Lies..
I Cut Because It Feels Good To Control My Own Pain For Once.
I Cut….And Next Comes Suicide.
I’ve come to the realization that living with these suicidal thoughts will probably never go away. This is my first time trying out an online community for suicide/depression or what have you because I feel I am running out of options. I feel I have no one who I can talk to in my life about these issues due to the deep shame that comes with them. Even though I feel I have a good support system, I don’t like feeling like I’m burdening those I love with all this I go through on a daily basis.
Getting to the point, I’ve realized that I am too scared to actually […]
I Thought The Suicide Thoughts Were Over. I Thought I Was Better. Those Scars Are On My Wrist. Makes Me Want To Cut More..Its Been Awhile. Cutting Is Because Of The Shame! And I’m Filled With Shame. If I Killed Myself My Spirit Is Still Alive While My Body Is Dead. If I Kill Myself..I Can See The People I Love In My Own Heaven. Maybe A World With Happiness. A Field Of Flowers And Teenagers Just Like Me. I Can Only Hope..
Cycles.
It happens in cycles.
Good day. I’m happy.
Bad day. I’m not.
Better day. I’m indifferent.
Good day. I’m happy.
Relapse. Shame. I cut.
Next day, I resist. I fail.
I resist again.
I succeed.
The next day is better. I focus on hiding the cuts.Â
The day after, I think that I’m strong enough. I’m angry for giving in. I’m so angry that I promise I will never cut again.
So I don’t.
Good day. I’m happy.
Bad day. I’m not.Â
Better day. I’m indifferent.
Good day. I’m happy.
Relapse. Shame. I cut.
Next day, I resist. I fail.
I resist again.
I succeed.
It never ends.Â
I can’t escape it.
Variations and patterns
But the blood is still red.
If I told you would you understand? If I told you what I’ve done, would you love who I am? I chose the wrong things in everything, choosing nothing in the end. Run, run, running away. Sleep, dream, waiting for the good just to fall into my hands. Love left me in its dust, lust drove by and picked me up. It forced me back to my feet by cutting out my heart and leaving my soul to die. I tried to find the answers in half truths, but they only told me lies. I tried to kill my pain but each cut brought it […]
Me: I cut
Society: Attention seeker
Me: Im ugly
Society: Attention seeker
Me: Im pretty
Society: Concietted b¡tch
Me: *commits suicide*
Society: Its a shame. They were so beautiful.
I just honestly dont get it. Whats wrong with society now a days?
“You wanna know whats ugly? Society, insecurity, and judgment. Wanna know whats not? Read my first word.” ~Anonymous
I found myself revamping my suicide note without realising it. I had written one in summer last year, but it was horrible; I couldnt translate how I was feeling properly, and also write it so my family could understand.
I had a best friend Katie, she was suicidal at one point and I thought she was just looking for attention. Im one of those horrible people who dont believe things until I experience it myself, we’ll call it a learning curve.
I was horrible to her, I always have been; people who love me have always been my outlets…
Its a shame though because I really love her. […]
This week has been a rough patch for me. Monday, I attempted suicide. At this moment I am sitting in a hospital bed. It smells like rubber gloves and the bed isn’t comfortable. The refuse to let me on my tumblr which consists of “too many triggers”. It’s apparently not healthy for me to be on there so often. Fuck that. Second of all, along with my whole suicide attempt, my arm has been revealed to my mom. My relapses over the past months are being thrown into her face. The cuts and raised scars I’ve hidden for so long are out in the open […]
I have a story – we all do I suppose. Â I started this post with the intention of writing a bit of it – to explain the events in my life that led me to this site. Â I tried, but; as soon as I started; I just lost the will to go further. Â So much has happened; it seems overwhelming to try to explain it. Â And why try? Â What do I have to gain by posting a generic sob story on an internet thread? Â It won’t make me like myself any more. Â It won’t make my life any more worthwhile. Â It won’t make my parents […]
Who Am I? Someone No One Loves. What Am I? A Girl Who Everyone Will Judge. What Did I Do? Honestly, I Don’t Have A Damn Clue. Why Me? I Am Never Complete. Suicide? Overwhelms My Mind. Thoughts Of Dying? Yeah, About A Million Times. Tried Suicide? I Overdosed One Time. Did It Help? No, I Didn’t Die. That’s A Shame. See, I Can’t Do Anything Right. Wish You Were Dead? Always Crossed My Mind. I Hold My Breath.. And I Die. No More Pain? That’s My Plan. Everything Okay? Yeah, Now That I’m Dead..
Sincerely, Me
I woke up a little earlier than normal today considering how late I went to sleep last night, I didn’t feel angry or frustrated today but I definitely felt how normally do during school which is like I won’t be able to think or work on anything because I’ve got so much going through my mind like a storm of nerves. I feel that every person with depression(maybe not all) can relate to the shame and the loneliness it brings, for me I’ve been wanting to be understood more than anything. I’ve felt very small and impressionable because I hear things like you should do […]
well just got out of my two week stay at the suicide part of the hospital, i feel even worse than before. I go through all this shame of being suicidal and all the dirty looks of the staff members when i dealt with them. Being suicidal sucks, i failed ten times before and the eleventh i think ive got it made but my mom found me too early and i lived then spent the next few weeks in a mental institution. God wont let me die and its fucking cruel!
I left my abusive boyfriend/fiancee of 5 years earlier this month.. My parents practically kidnapped me and sent me out of state with realtives to get away from him.. but hes not a threat anymore.. He’s moved on.. told me the new girl he’s with is much better than I could ever hope to be 🙁 well good for them.. I still love him for some reason and that’s what really gets to me.. I know its truly a shame for her because once this happy stage wears off she’ll see his abusive side.. I’m just so hurt.
My parents want me to start my […]
I have always seen life as a quest. It works like a game plan. Every level gets tougher and the monsters and hurdles get more and more dangerous and difficult to cross. I don’t regret having my life but all I wish is to have someone who I can share it with. I did fall in love and then ended up with a crushed heart when the relationship ended. Occupying yourself definitely helps but the loneliness remains. I have plenty of friends but I miss the existence of the special one. Work can substitute thoughts but not feelings. I don’t know what I feel about […]
Ive Dealt with depression ever since middle school, and yes i believe it has gotten progressively worse throughout the years. I was never really the popular person or noticed even when i was at school or at home, and many family issues, i just felt like i was always just around to fill in a needless gap. Ive gotten good at acting like i was fine whether it be to what friends i do have as well as my family, but lately ive just been breaking down and i feel like all im doing is heading toward a downward spiral. My suicidal demon has always […]
I remember when I was about to graduate from high school, so happy,full of energy and ready to do everything to get to my goals and i entered university, I felt in love madly and she broke my heart but I managed the pain, it couldn’t break me and started new relationship but didn’t end up well, but I healed my wounded heart i faced with problems and kept my hopes alive but now that I compare my current problems with mentioned failures, I laugh at them. Now and after some years, I’m totally alone, with no one around me,no friends, lost my job and […]
I feel very lost and I don’t know what to do (I’m a guy). I’m currently attending my local college and am in a two year program with 4 semesters in total. I’m currently in semester number 5 and I’m failing miserably. I CAN NOT tell my parents. My father might understand if I really talk to him, man-to-man, but there is very little chance of that and my mother simply won’t accept failure from me again. I previously attended university for biological sciences and I failed out of that. I finally built up the courage to tell my parents that sciences weren’t my thing […]
I was just thinking. Why do people guilt trip over cutting themselves?
Who the fuck cares what other people think? (Well, maybe that’s more of my perspective.) It’s non-lethal, it hurts less than getting a tattoo, you just don’t get a pretty picture at the end. I mean, for pain itself, there would be constructive and productive things to do like yoga, or running till your legs give out, that hurt a lot more than some scrapes. The intensity of pain you feel from pushing your bodily limits are usually a lot worse than the actual act of cutting. If you consistently need stitches and […]
That’s my biggest problem. I’ve made up my mind a long time ago that this is what i wanted but i still have no idea how i could end my life without too much physical pain. Physical pain is what keeps me away from suicide but i can only hope that it’s a matter of time before i find the miracle suicide method. My biggest fear is living for many more years in shame and regret because of my fear for physical pain. But sometimes i tell myself that the pain i feel inside is probably greater than any pain any suicide method would involve.There’s […]
Ever since we met (my wife) and decided to stay together, we always have arguments everyday and it seldom happened a day with it. Until we decided to get married, we’re 4 years now and have one 3-year old son. But the state still goes on and sometimes we’re temporarily separated, sometimes I opt to suicide and sometime I leave them for few day to ease the pain.
I love her so much and I don’t want to leave her or get legally separated (in our country there’s no divorce). My problem now is how to handle her everyday since we have a lot of differences […]
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