Im never writing to myself, its always been a letter to the universe, if They could hear my thoughts. to you? which you may never receive ,if only by cause. or my final notice,which I never really know what I would say. But I know now understanding is never really quite enough, sure they understand,does this mean I’m not alone then why is it so cold in this heart, I call home. if it’s worth trying. ?I know it’s not enough which I why I should stop writing to you. It’s hopeless, Im hopeless. I don’t wanna be the reason, I don’t wanna cry. cause […]
Knowing that you HAVE to be somewhere, at least 5 days out of the week and for at least 8 hours a day makes life already suck. Obviously I realize that you have to work to survive, but why not simply… survive to survive? Humans thousands of years ago didn’t have “jobs”, they were keen on self-sufficing, foraging, hunting, migrating.. just being alive was enough. Where did that go? Why can’t we just be happy with living, eating, socializing and we as people being our own livelihoods? I think things would be a lot better, rather than working some shitty job you hate and saving […]
I need to leave
But I’m scared to go
I need to breathe
But they’ll never know
I can’t get out
It’s starting to show
I’m screaming loud
My fuse has blown
Help me please
I need you now
I’m on my knees
I swear I’ll drown
Please don’t leave
Just pull me out
I need to leave
I have no doubt
Please Be my escape
Then you can leave
Be My gate
To a place of strength
I need a step up
Out of this place
Heal the cuts
That cover my face
Been browsing for a few days now and finally feel like posting. This is the first time in my life I am seriously considering actually going through with suicide… I am not quite ready for talking openly on here but it would be nice to talk with someone who also uses the site to kinda “show me the ropes, (nooses?). anyways.. I am on omegle right now and if you want to come find me, put ‘suicideproject.org’ as an interest/keyword and lets see if you can see me!
p.s. I hope this is ok to do and if not just let me know. Not trying to […]
The mirrors scream at me
The walls abuse me
The doors restrain me
The darkness defines me
The mirrors show a face so tired
Filled with dreams that have been lost
The heart and soul they once admired
Is what my nightmares have come to cost
My hands are shaking as I stare
My legs are weak and there’s no air
Don’t you show me; don’t you dare
Don’t prove to me there’s nothing there
The walls close in and call my name
As vanity subsides […]
What’s worst, having friends knowing there there then them leaving you. Or never having any real friends.
Last week I went on vacation with my siblings, and there were some fun parts definitely. But overall it just made me realize once again how high the tensions between me and the rest of my family are. My brother thinks I’m weird and (possibly) a freak, but he usually doesn’t show it intentionally. My one sister tries to be as nice as possible towards me, cause she is a kind soul. My other sister was annoyed the whole trip for some reason, and when she’s like that she usually lets her anger out on other people, i.e. me. It’s basically just because she’s mad, […]
Hi,
So today I was almost run over because a garbage truck backed off. Before he drove back when I was behind it, the last action was that he drove forward thus making me think it is safe. He might not have seen me, but this is still his role to make sure it was clear I went to his window to get a story.
-> the police told me it is the right of the driver to do this… they did not show much concern that I was BEHIND the car at that time and that it was not clear what he was doing as a […]
People can be narrowed into three simple categories just by watching the way they act and the things they do.
Category 1. The people who care, even if it’s not genuine concern these people still show some level of empathy for those around them.
Category 2. People who destroy, these people carelessly flit through their lives and the lives of everyone around them heedless of the consequences of their actions.
Category 3. The people who constantly fuck up despite whoever effort they put forth, these people try to be good friends, or try to be careless, but the continually feel like failures, like nothing they […]
I moved to university in 2013, and was so happy to finally live near friends and be out of my house.
Stuff has gotten better and better. I found work and stayed here over the summer. I started dating a fantastic guy. I found a group of great girlfriends. I should be happy.
But im not. The same pain that was there when everything sucked is still here. I still lie in bed almost every might just bawling, wishing I didn’t have to wake up in the morning.
I want to die. I want to give up completely. But I’m scared of screwing up even that. I’m scared […]
My username, effystonem, is based on Effy Stonem, a character from the British television show Skins. It’s truly a great show and if you watch it you’ll enjoy, I’m sure. Effy is a main character in the second generation of Skins, although she does show up in a few episodes in the first generation. Effy is completely relatable; at least I think she is. She’s quiet, dark, an alcoholic and drug addict. And she’s only 16. She’s drop dead gorgeous on the show, although her personality tends to repel people. She’s just a girl who bottles up all her emotions in this tiny, frail body. […]
I don’t know how I ended up here. I had so much “potential.” I was smart, funny and somewhat attractive. Atleast on the outside. I suffer alone, in silence. I go through my day taking care of everyone and everything else while inside the pain is unbearable. On the outside people would say what do I have to complain about? They don’t understand. They see what I allow them to see. I try to compensate for my emotional pain with outward success. The more I hurt the more I try to accomplish. I feel so lost. I have always been expendable to the people that […]
Spirit-bomb of Goku
I don’t get it
The way that I come
Not like Chi-Chi
I don’t know
The way to make-it
Do you hate me
Do you want me to feel pain
I’m here for you, I always be
In the same that I always was
I just need your spirit
I’m not here to steal you from a man
Koji, I love you, too, and I don’t know
I’ll make-it for you, too
I want you by my side
Just take-me to the place that I found
I can show you
I have no-more, do you want to hear my pain
You can […]
But I’m so messed up I can’t even let people help me. It’s times like these when I’m sat in my room alone crying and wanting to scream and just get out of this horrible mind of mine when I actually start thinking I need help. I need someone to tell me what’s happening, what’s wrong, and how to make this stop. But I can’t. Nearly a year ago I had a counsellor at school for 5 months. For 5 months I didn’t say anything. I felt trapped. When she would ask me questions I’d sit there like an idiot staring at the desk. I […]
I’m getting worse mentally. Before I could hold it all in, now I burst into tears whenever I’m alone until I cant breathe and start shaking and feel sick. its so weird and I don’t like it. I get stressed out and scared more than I used to and its all starting to crumble and show on the outside. However I suppose on the good side I have stopped hurting myself. But I don’t know which is better to be honest, coz this shit is messing with me and I’m fed up of it, I’m fed up of being here.
My ex-boyfriend has sworn to murder me. I was in an abusive relationship with him for 2 years (2009-2011) and I only escaped after he strangled me in the car and someone happened to be walking by and I called the cops, even though he said he would kill me if I ever did.
Let’s jump to 5 years later. I moved and he has emailed me thousands of death threats over the past 5 years. I wish that was a hyperbole, but I actually counted. I received 993 angry/threatening emails in one year alone. Let’s also note that I haven’t responded to a single one of […]
As a child my father abused me terribly and I never felt warm caring love from my parents. Deep in my heart I know they did in their own ways, they just didn’t know how to show it. My father told me I was ugly and would never make anything of myself. Well I did, I became an alcoholic just like him. I have been married 3 times with 2 kids and now I have 3 grandchildren. I am a generous giver, always doing for others but sometimes I need just a crumb from someone to show me they care. Maybe they don’t. It could […]
I’m tired of life I want to die . why should I take all this pressure??? I had a really hard times in my life , I had experienced things that are not suitable for my age . all my mistakes that are unsuitable for my age turned out to kill me everyday. I’m not a bad person I just took some bad decisions because I am a teenager and I love to try new things but sometimes our choices can lead us into depression and death. i just want to tell you something don’t show people your week point because people will step on […]
it’s not a good start I know, but I’m on the edge. and I try and try to hold on even when I want to let go.
But, I’m torn. I’m so…torn between letting go and holding on. I’m holding on for the love that burns me whole, for the woman that held me anchored to this earth for almost six years. the more I try and show her my twisted heart the more I push her away into another’s arms. and my heart bleeds. it just makes it all the more harder to keep the promise I made her, to be there for her […]
I used to self harm on a fairly regular basis. It helps me feel in control of my out of control life. I promised my boyfriend I would quit. I used to have him sit in the shower with me just so I wouldn’t be alone and tempted to use the blade I keep hidden in there. Hell, I even got a tattoo on my left arm to cover the scars and make a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do it again.
Well..today I failed.. no one will see them. No one pays attention and I’m a very convincing liar. My psych doctor calls […]