Confused and fed up.

I had a phase like that. Shit… crying and screaming alone in bed. My roommates may have been a bit concerned. What a shitty phase of my life. My life hasn’t been perfect but it hasn’t been quite as bad as that since. Thinking about it now, I’m literally thinking wth.

What’s weird that back then I didn’t ever consider suicide. It’s only afterwards. Couldn’t even feel that emotional agony anymore, rather just feel nothing, stop existing. No more pain. So fed up with that pain. I still think the pain I feel now doesn’t compare to what I felt at first.

When I’m feeling up, however, it all feels so absurd. Like I said, now I’m thinking wth. It’s been two years since this all started, and I cannot even remember what I was thinking… like how the hell is it possible I felt so awful. I still get down sometimes, but I think have evolved a short-cut to avoid the pain. Instead I’ll think I’d rather kill myself before having to go through that again… Just no more, no more of crying and screaming. So most of the time I just lie there feeling nothing.

Somehow I still feel better than two years ago. Just try to get through this… For me it has never been endless pain, there have always been times when I feel fine. There will be better times. You’ll feel better in some time, and maybe the cycle will repeat but you’ll feel better again. You can get through it. I wish you the best.