For starters, I’m amber. Despite what it was like growing up, I was generally a happy kid. I had my grandpa to thank for that. My family and I lived with him until I was about 10. I was very close to him. My parents didn’t pay much attention to me because of my older sister and twin younger brother and sister they had to worry about. My grandpa was always there for me, he defended me and stopped my dad from beating me. Three years ago he passed away and for three years, I haven’t been the same.
All I want is to be […]
Tag:
sister
I am so tired. I feel like I haven’t slept in days. I haven’t slept in days I keep having bad dreams. My friend died a month ago, it and I keep dreaming that she died again, and wake up crying. I can’t talk to anybody. I told my sister that I had lost 10 pounds in two weeks, and she said congratulations. 🙂 But, it’s not just my friend dying. It started before that. I keep crying throughout the day. I’m supposed to be happy and friendly and helpful, but I keep having meltdowns at work. I feel ridiculous, I feel like a failure. […]
I’ve never posted anything on a blog before, but given the circumstances, I feel obliged to speak out. I have lost my roommate Carl to suicide about a month ago. The circumstances were tragic. His sister had committed suicide last November and this had sent the family into a huge depression. Unfortunately, both of Carl’s parents are now dead as a result of their own hand. All of this was far too much. It still feels unreal to me. Things like this just don’t happen. I am unsure how to move on…..
I’m 16 years old and I’m considering suicide. My life is so useless I’m nothing but a leeche that sucks off my mother and fathers hard working cash. everytime I try to look at my sister to say hi she looks at me as if I was a creep . My own brother calls me a fatty and never stops saying it but he’s right. I’m addicted to gaming and this has led to my bad grades and I could never make my mom and dad proud. I’m so lazy and a waste of space this is all my fault I’m obese and I have […]
I’m going to draw a picture
A picture with a twist
But instead of a pen and paper
I’ll use a razor and my wrist
The razor digs in slowly
The line begins to bleed
My wrists are getting bloody
This is the picture that I need
My fingers are getting shaky
I’m finding it hard to think
My throat is getting tight and hoarse
The tears are coming when I blink
I can hear my kitten purring
He’s scratching at the door
My little sister opens it
And finds me laying on the floor
She screams and shouts out “Mommyâ€
My mom’s now running […]
My kid’s bat mitzvah is Saturday. My mother called and asked if I had heard from her sister. My aunt is not well. She had a stroke a few years ago and suffers from chronic depression and rarely leaves the house. So I said, “No. But I didn’t expect to. She’s sick. I don’t take it personally.” My mother’s reply – a very measured, well-rehearsed, deliberately timed, “Uh huh.” That “uh huh” was not a nod of agreement. On the contrary. It was the statement of her rage that I didn’t join her in slicing up her sister. It was notification that she doesn’t approve of my perspective — […]
Can someone please tell me how to tell one of my stepsiater that I have cut myself! Her other sister has been in 3 mental hospitals and has cut herself. But idk how to tell her because when I tell her about one thing, she says is that all? And I want to tell her so bad!! Help me please! When should I tell her?
Oh, the sound of the magical lord.
Smile. Take me, will I ever go dance.
Funky. Oh, brother. Sister. Oh, sister.
This entire net of space would of been my bus.
Here, where I will create a new order. A flower.
But my half decapitated truth and deformed ego.
Inflamed, hexed. The world is indeed a cold place.
One versus the world, I always hear the sound of the chain.
Damn…
What can ever be the way, for me.
Oh, for the bounty.
Vowed, I swear it.
Take me to the land.
Take me to the land.
Take me to the land, oh.
even though, I am tied to an anchor.
now when I die, the music that I wish to praise.
kingdom child and glory. his name is johnny.
the might is in your hand. a dying spirit of holy.
mother. auntie. sister. brother. let’s go.
on to the next verse. but I forgot the next line.
reversed. I am not the beauty, you are. I am the darkness.
my cane and your my light of life. my dead face and hand.
undead me. a mother of holy. this is not a love story.
immigrant from Europe country. I still can’t leave the country, of u.s.
America is starting […]
My father committed suicide when I was 5 years old leaving me, my 9 year old sister and mum devastated. I believe that he thought we would be better off without him and he was doing us a favour. I’m 17 years old now and I still break down and cry for the father I never had. Suicide is selfish, if a person has children on this Earth it is their responsibility to protect, guide and support them. Not having a father has affected me in countless way. My father wasn’t there to teach me how to ride a bike, to pick me up when […]
It’s been a long time since I posted on here, but I feel like today is a good time to do so. This post might skip and go back in an non-linear fashion, but that’s just me. A few weeks ago, I quit my job when they were giving me a warning for screwing up. The day I quit, I kind of gave up on life once again. Â When I went to my therapist, who is in my top ten people I adore and respect, I lied to him. I stated that I was okay and that I was going to go forward. I had […]
It’s not the first time
My family has caused these thoughts
The thoughts of jumping
They wouldn’t care
They don’t care
They never did
They never will
They’ll never love
They’ll never care
Regardless of what people say
My family doesn’t love me
They glare at me
Wish I was better
I’m not good enough for them
I have the wrong taste in music
Disgusting fashion style
The way I think is awful
All they ever wanted was a perfect daughter
They got my sister
But then the mistake came
Me
And now they can’t live with me
So they hurt me
Glare at me
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner […]
Would you go?
To my funeral I mean
If I got the courage
To kill myself
If I knew you in person
You would meet my parents
And my sister
Though she’s a bit mean
When I die
And they put me 6 feet under
And a grave on top
Of the earth for me
If you visit my grave
Not saying you have to
But if you do
Please don’t bring flowers
Unless they’re fake
I like carnations then
They remind me
Of Valentine’s day
I never got a carnation
But I always gave them
To my friends
Because they never got them either
I also like roses
Red to […]
Ever since I was little I would write letters to the people in my family who had died. I write my dead cousin alot. I tell how much I hate living. I tell her how much I hate my life, how my mother picks my sister over me. I told her about my trip to the suicide ward. Its strange how just writing it down can make it feel better. I wrote to her yesterday about how I have a plan to kill my self and I have a note writen out just for when they find me. I write to her because she is […]
Hello….
It’s been a little while
Since I’ve last asked myself
The question
How am I?
Well how am I?
I’m doing okay.
I’m not good
But I’m not bad
A few days ago
I got to talk about
My life
To someone that cared
And listened
They asked me
“How is your life?”
And I, of course, replied with
“No, how are you?”
But what surprised me
Is then they said
“That’s not the point of the question,”
I’ve been busying myself more
If I’m bored I’ll watch YouTube videos
Or I’ll do a mini project
Like today I rearranged my room
It took a while
Maybe […]
Soeymeone else just posted this video:
What a coincidence…..I arrived home in PHX a few hours ago after spending a few hours on the GGB…I think I know pretty much all there is to know about what happens when you hit the water, so in watching this video I learned zilch. The majority of it was a guilt trip placed on people who choose to die this way. It was mostly about the “collateral” damage done to those who remain.
Frankly, I am sick of hearing this. If I ever decide to “go through with it” I will have no guilt about doing so (in advance, of […]
My mom always says she loves. I can beleive that but I dont beleive is that she wants. Neither does my dad, my stepfather, or anyone who says the love me. I just cant take it any more. My mom always sides with my sister. Just because she cant get over any thing I’ve done. She is part of the reason I feel so horrible about my life. Because she thinks that making me feel bad will make my sister feel better.
I’ve done quite a few posts on here before… That was a while back. But now everything is worse. I’m breaking  and I don’t know what to do. I just want to show how I feel. Basically I was bullied horribly from 5th grade to 9th. Then in 9th grade I couldn’t take it so I tried to commit suicide. Not just because of school but because of my family. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got sent to a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks. I ended up getting diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in December of last year. It gets harder and harder each day. […]
I was just wondering what people’s thoughts are on having depression and a partner’s appropriate response to it? I get that different people have difference experiences, backgrounds, beliefs etc….
But a recurring theme in my life at the moment is that when someone gets low, or diagnosed, or suicidal, their partner ups and leaves without a word. The only explanation they give is because they cant handle the situation. This happened to me after two weeks of me telling him I was suicidal; it took him only that long to run. A similar thing happened to my sister.
Anyhow, I was just wondering about whether people […]