For starters, I’m amber. Despite what it was like growing up, I was generally a happy kid. I had my grandpa to thank for that. My family and I lived with him until I was about 10. I was very close to him. My parents didn’t pay much attention to me because of my older sister and twin younger brother and sister they had to worry about. My grandpa was always there for me, he defended me and stopped my dad from beating me. Three years ago he passed away and for three years, I haven’t been the same.
All I want is to be happy but it seems the harder I try, the more unhappy I become. I’m starting to slack off in school and am starting to question if life is even worth living anymore. I’ve been through so much that no one even knows I’ve been through and I’m tired of hiding how I really feel. I’m angry and sad, hurt and confused. Honestly, I just feel stuck.
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Amber, I relate; I grew up in an abusive, chaotic family and what you’re experiencing is far too common.
Don’t give up, kid. Cut yourself a little slack and please be good to yourself. It’s hard to hide what you’re going through; many people do that, some better than others. Used to cry a little sometimes at school way back when my reserves were low for no obvious reason and the teachers got annoyed that I wasn’t acting “happy” like the other children and chided me for it. My home life was hell and that was the underlying reason but they didn’t care because they were just bossy, mindless adults. This is the way many people are, unfortunately.
Take care of yourself and don’t feel so alone, Amber.
<3,
–meg
I’m really sorry you had to go through a similar circumstance because it’s not fun at all. Thank you for replying, it’s nice to see there are still some caring individuals left in the world.
Hey Amber
Judt move forward, I mean by that that don’t think of all the things you hae lost because that hurts and it will make you unhappy but focuse either where you are now and where you want to be. Don’t know how helpful this was (probably none at all) but I wanted to write something
It helps a little because you’re absolutely right. It’s just easier said than done. I’m 19 and still live with the parents who put me through that and there is an instance at least once a day where my dad still raises his hand at me and my grandpa isn’t there to fend him off. I get what you’re saying though, thank you for your reply.
Good:) I moved to live alone about a 1,5 years ago, when I was 19. For me, it solved lots of things because I could focus on me and not my family. You should think in what kind of life situation you are now. If you can you should look if you could live alone.
Moving forward advice never helps. You’ll just keep running into shit until you say… Fuck it.
Honestly, realize that you are one of the most aware beings in the planet. And yeah, because the majority of ignorance surrounds us, and because they don’t understand… We feel like we’re the odd balls.
It is the exact opposite Amber. Embrace your awareness, and stop allowing yourself to succumb to the ignorance of others.
Everything you feel, everything you see… Is right on… And it’s telling you… Stop believing in this ridiculous lie.
Thank you so much for replying. You’re awesome for what you said, it made me feel a lot better. Thank you.
If it makes u feel better amberlance, i come from an emotionally abusive home. i understand and im there for u.