Right now, the only thing that’s keeping me alive is the fact that any kind of suicide attempt has a potentially devastating chance of failure. Pills, guns, jumping… everything terrifies me. I keep having flashes of how disastrously each kind of attempt could go, and I don’t have the courage to try any of them. I wish I was less scared of pain. I thought pills would work for a while. I thought sleeping pills would put you to sleep and then kill you gently in your sleep! Can you believe how naive I was? Then I read about how they make you puke, and […]
It’s the pain I feel of every minute of every day. The not knowing. I don’t want to feel the ache in my heart anymore it’s killing me. I cry all the time and I breakdown and there is no one to talk to. It’s like living in purgatory. I know killing myself is the cowardly thing to do but I just don’t know how to kill this pain I have. I just want the darkness to take me, take me where there is no more pain. I feel like I’m dying a slow death but I wish it would just hurry up and take […]
After typing up a ridiculously long post yesterday, I felt better. I actually did, the writing seemed to flow out from my very soul and the pain diminished. However, that only lasted for a few hours.
And then the urges came again, you know the ones. The one that tells you to end it, not for yourself but for those around you. You are not worthy of their love, all you’re doing is dragging them down with you. They don’t deserve this. The last one, I’ll admit. They do not deserve this. And that’s why they don’t know the full extent of my depressive state.
Instead of […]
I am a mildly-practiced person of above average clairvoyancy. I see things that most people don’t want to see. That they should never see. I know who calls before I pick up, I know what suit the first three cards in a deck are. I’m not kidding. My mind’s eyes has only scratched the surface of a fully open state. But that’s enough. Something is coming. Whether it affects all of us, or me alone, a tempÃªte is coming. A huge disturbance. It is almost here. If it affects just me, why would I wait to die a slow death at the hands of Mother […]
The Rock pushes me to keep driving my body forward; Roosevelt settles my mind when it all starts feeling too fruitless/nihilistic.
In my mind, I’ve separated death and dying. Death is the one thing I look forward to, when I can just finally stop, cease to exist, back to 0; the weight of this flesh body finally lifted as my consciousness disperses into the cosmos. I don’t think that people are anything more than walking flashlights and I really can’t wait for my batteries to run out. No more guilt, no more expectations, no more desires; just nothing.
Dying is a lot more real than […]
IÂ have been depressd/anxious for 30 years but I have managed to find some happiness during that time too.Â I will never be “normal”. I know that sucidal thoughts have many causes, mentall illness, faulty thinking,Â life experiences or endogenous/ exogenousÂ depression.
But many times people commit sucide because sometimes the pain of life is way too much to handle. Why suffer everydayâ€¦why die a slow death everyday? We all die so why not decide for yourself when the right time is? My only cavaet is to really think about the ramifications especially if you are young. Things can change in an instant.
*Please try everything posible to live and strive […]
The girl that use to sit on this bed was ashamed to call her self a daughter, friend, girlfriend and so on. The girl who use to sit on this bed was scared to face her self in the mirror. The girl who use to sit on this bed would smush her self into a little ball every night and cry. The girl who use to sit on this bed only saw darkness. The girl who sat on this bed never understood why know one wanted her. The girl who use to sit on this bed saw the blood drip from her arm every day […]
Took about 20 iron pills around 11:00pm yesterday from all the crap my parents put me through. I thought I would die in my sleep.Â Until I found out today I will die a slow death when I woke up today and researched it . I’m transitioning from stage one to 2 soon. It would take me about 3 days to die give or take if I’m not in a coma. Well it could take a week that I could die from an overdose. I told my momÂ after I woke up.Â She made me puke up everything several times after drinking loads of water. Though that […]