I’ll start by saying: wherever there’s hope, there’s disappointment…
I don’t know why I visited the place; I hadn’t been to the park for years…Since, probably, at least it is the latest I can remember, me and my girlfriend were little love-birds humping each-other in the toilets. It looked, smelt– felt the same, indeed, so much so that one can only call it, eccentric. Maybe it is the hopefulness the memories possessed that took me there– or maybe my sheer lack of recent-by recent I mean the last 4 years- memories urged me to find comfort in memories that once promised new ones. I really […]
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So
I miss him and his birthday is near and so it’s mine.
Should I call him? Just to tell him that I miss him so…
Should I ?
I loved him. And there’s feelings remaining. But it’s been a while, I don’t want to give the first step after a while and then leave him with the feeling of talking to me just cause my birthday is a day after his. So, I don’t.
Ten people in my world have succeeded – that double edged word – in destroying themselves. Father, cousin, nephew, friends, teacher, aunt. Two drownings, two by gunshot, two by hanging, one by jumping, three by medication/suffocation. Broken worlds left behind, but I know the abyss to well to blame any of them. Four men and a boy, five women. Ages 14 to 90. Into the dark. Never, ever far from my mind.
Hey, Dead Girl!! Don’t cry for me.
It was a tragic existence,
this life you leave.
No ones to blame , but this for sure,
They hated your beauty, something you misunderstood.
You lived in a Bird cage on your own accord.
A cage of ugliness,
With an unlocked door.
They called you “fat”
They called you “whore”
But it was false, you never felt the touch of a lovers hand before.
So….. To your tormentors,
You sow the seeds of that mornings ghastly, ghoulish deed.
It was at the bus stop,
For your prosecutors to see.
You hang by your neck,
From the […]
I always ask myself
How could this darker cloud make me stronger now.
I’ll always ask myself
When will this go away?
When will this change?
Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.
All of this pain,
Oh! will it, will it go away?
I ask myself this everyday.
[Chorus:]
I just wanna leave this place behind.
Every time I see your face in mine.
I just wanna leave this place behind.
Every time I see your face in mine.
I sink and drink myself to sleep.
Of course I think I’m a lot stronger now.
I gotta catch myself
To kick this over, make it go away.
When will this change?
Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.
Ohhh! of this pain!
Oh! will it, will it […]
…back at home. And tonight for what I believe is the third time in four daysI have had to call rhe local police department to aks them to check the area for this female that continues to come to our bedroom window at night and call out to my man. She calls him by name, taps on the window, flashes a light into our room and just pesters the fuck out of me if I’m in the room or does whatever it is she does with/to my man when I am not in the room. The difference between the last two times I have called […]
Depression is nothing new for me. Neither is anxiety. But lately I find I am irritable and angry. I get annoyed over every little thing and I imagine I’m driving the very few people I have, absolutely mad. What is one to do?
F is the cruelest letter
It tells you that it will never get better
That you are, and always will be
A failure, don’t you see?
This is your destiny, preordained
Molded by your own hands that have stained
Yourself, and everything around you
A deep, twisted blue
So do not aspire, do not dream
For life does not burst at the seams
With joy, mirth and green
Because for you, only one thing is foreseen
An end, a quiet end
So that you may send
Yourself to deepest black
Which shall take all that you lack
And consign it to silence
A most fitting penance
For a fool such as you
For me, It’s hard to talk about this. I can’t express my feelings since I don’t know what I am really feeling. ¿Am I too empty? And I don’t want to sound weird. But I got to a point where I don’t know what the fuck I am feeling. If I’m in love, I don’t know what love is, I only know for medical fact that I’m sick, down, depressed and well tired. But why the fuck am I feeling like this? I can’t really tell. It’s strange. I’m really feeling that I will not make it this year, It’s just the first month and […]
So, I am very new to this, but I have read a lot of these. My life doesn’t seem to make a blip on the radar of all the other people out there who struggle. But, no matter how small I feel about these things, they still hurt. I mean, I am so depressed that I don’t want to move, I don’t want to think, and most days, I don’t even want to be alive. I used to write stories, and poems, and even used to keep a journal updated daily, but lately, I haven’t wanted to do anything. My parents say that all of this is my fault, […]
I thought I was going to bed, but I can’t…
So, I thought… I may rant a bit… you guys can just ignore this if ya want.
But, I don’t know what the kids at the fucking elementary school are teaching my niece and nephew to say, but if I hear the word “puta” one more fucking time I’m going to knock someones teeth down their god damned throat.
It brings up… really… bad… memories for me.
My cousins are fluent in Spanish, and well, the one who raped me… Called me “puta” when I cried about it…
and all I can hear when people say it is their voice, […]
Although I’m still close to it, I left to her being a *****, came back to the same thing… so merh.
I’ma head to bed soon.
Long day.
Goodnight.
In the holdup, can you feel-it’ shake-it
What can I ignite about all from a dead-past
All the way to the
I’m so far-away, I’m so far-away
From the deepest-vines of the fronts
Here to destroy the iron in gold
But I’m so far-away, all-the-way to the burial
In the holdup, can you feel-it’ shake-it
I’m trying to get a hold of, him
Here from where I stand, justifying every-grain, in light
I’m asking, I’m here, for the wisdom, power, and heart
Am I at war, can I be your comrade against-it
So far, away
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
So far today I’ve almost beat the hell out of my *****-in-law…
Then they left to do things.
They came back with alcohol… wonderful…
So, I guess the wait for an argument to start is underway.
Let’s hope this doesn’t get nasty.
Can’t get over this
So every-second so close-to
Hell and Heaven
Etch from the essence
I walk for another race
What is the fallacy that I have done
What do you see, what do you hear, what do you speak
What did I ever say my destination was
Like a fish with no water from ages-ago
Who is it that does what in the plague and sickness
I just don’t get it, I just need your oracle from where you stand
Like the Spirit-Bomb, of Goku
Engulfed in darkness
The end is near
All hope is lost
The light diminished
It’s calling my name
I must adhere
For what it offers
Is peace eternal
So it begins
My final journey
Across country roads
And urban landscapes
There it is
Vast and blue
Stretching beyond sight
And imagination
Inviting me in
I shall accept
Whether under the magnificent sun
or sparkling starlight
The plunge is taken
Remaining breaths exhausted
The end has come
Engulfed in darkness
Within each dark night
Things come alive
Sitting there just out of sight
With a killers drive
Light footsteps following behind
Wherever you may go
That one persons presence
Is always in your mind
That strange someone
You don’t even know
Then your belief in safety misleads you
You’ve wandered out alone
Your trust in mankind betrays you
Now you’ll never make it home
Within his grasps now
He’ll never let you go
No one will ever know how
Your body came to be
Hidden among the bushes
So no one will ever find
A body left for the thrushes
A killers peace of mind
I’m so tired of being jealous of others happiness. Life is no longer fun. It’s a struggle I have to force myself to go through everyday. I don’t know what to do.
(…) So that when the moment comes,
I can say I did it all with love
— Röyksopp & Robyn – Monument