so ive been on autopilot to deal with depression for the last 4 years, but now with counselling and therapy I’m starting to come back to life. I’m noticing my feelings and the feelings of people around me. I look at my friend and she is just like I was, apart from shes not on auto pilot, shes feeling every ounce of pain and hopelessness. everything in my body wants to go over there and hold her, and tell her something, make the pain go away, cry with her, so she doesn’t feel so alone. but what do you say? what do you do? we […]
Tag:
speak
Today has been painful.
Every time I came out of my darkened room the light made me ill within 5-10 minutes. Each time it happened I made my way back to bed, hardly able to walk. Talking to my mum made me ill. Every time we talked for five minutes I’d have to lie down, confused, with my body aching all over. Any sensory stimulation makes me worse. I think I could cope with all the physical effects of illness if I wasn’t already severely depressed, although the way it affects my brain feels unbearable.
All day I’ve been looking forward to the eclipse, but because of […]
“I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies [..] I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife” (hozier)
written by freedomseeker
Her voice is like a falling leaf sliding upon the air. Don’t get mistaken, this is not about any notion of loss or death. Rather the contrary, actually. It is about harmony, subtle embrace of goodness upon the universe. It is about some softness, lying flat on the elements. I love hearing her voice. It is soothing. Beautiful and soothing. Gentle. Please, talk. Don’t look at me. Please, just speak. I don’t know who you are, I don’t know. But just speak. You certainly are some sort of peace of mind. Quiet life. Good for you. But I just love the way you speak.
The truth […]
…you are in love with a girl and you know that you will never be able to do anything with her because you are the ugly, short idiot that nobody cares about? I am so depressed and desperate all the time because of that and because i know that i will be alone forever. I feel terrible so much that i lock myself in my room and i hate everyone. I don’t want to speak to anyone… i was starting to get used to the fact that i am unattractive and that i will never find the special one but now… now i feel so […]
I hurt so badly. I miss her so much but I can never speak to her again. It is forbidden. I just want to talk with her. But, it is pointless.
hahaha. So let me explain or digress rather. This deaf guy walked by and he had a sign on his laptop bag bravely strung around his neck that read: speak up and speak clearly to my face please, I am hard of hearing. Where the fuck did that expression come from. I’m hard of hearing? I’m hard FROM hearing. I’m hard TO hear. I’m hard BY hearing. What the fuck is hard of hearing. Doesn’t even make sense. This language man. And my own personal joke that nobody else but Hjertsblomst will get: Fuck norwegians. It’s killz by the way. I felt you may not […]
It’s been hard, very hard, there are times in which I was fine, others in which I was simply “better”, I feel simply weak, like I’ve seen people passing for things so much more complicated than me and yet I keep asking myself. Why to live? What is the meaning of all this? Why keep feeling all this sadness, I can’t fix some things, I can’t fix my life and I can’t talk with anyone about these things, I don’t have family or friends to speak about it, that’s hard, having to act like I’m fine, HAVING to be fine,why do I have to be […]
I met him last year around the end of August beginning of September. He was so nice to me. And he started flirting with me and saying how I was cute. Now I never really had a guy say this to me as I spent many years being called ugly and unattractive and you know. I started to devolop feelings for him and started to trust him. I loved his personality and it’s like, he was it for me. But I started to realize at the end that he only liked me for sex. It was lust for him. He only wanted my body. Every […]
This place is mine, the feeling none.
Who are you to force your way in.
I ask not of what you bring, only of what you have left.
This is my platform, my disillusion.
And yet you take that which you did not sow.
Can I identify that which causes me grief.
What is there to scrutinise but the reality of this thing.
And yet I am here, while others are not.
I cannot take what is not mine to give.
When did I stray?
Was it convoluted, a misplaced thought?
How long can I occupy with such disdain.
I usher all around me to speak.
Such words have […]
Do they help? Are they confidential? Can you really speak your mind there?
I’ve pushed away everyone who I used to care about. Each morning before school I sit in the library reading a book in a pathetic attempt to escape reality. The bell goes and I’m scared to go to class, then I become aware that I’ve forgotten my timetable. I get this sinking feeling and the anxiety starts to kick in. I’m shaking and I can barely breath when I realise that I’ve now got to speak to someone and ask where to go. Walking to class I’m pushed, laughed at and of course I end up running into one of my old friends, the one […]
I am 16 and I am introverted, I have social anxiety and I’m suicidal. Just this month I tried to kill myself two times, and in one of them I almost succeed. I had no friends and now I am giving all of me to make some, but at the end of the school year I feel even more alone than before. I am exhaust, sick of everything and alone.
They only invite me if I am around them when they speak about getting out, otherwise I am totally invisible. I am annoying, boring, and nobody is happy with me around them, some times I feel that […]
I have seen a fair amount of television drama and inspirational quotes about humans’ reason for existence. They always go on and on about how it will come to you and you just have to wait and most of the time the answer to your being is to find your one true love (which is really stupid, having to exist because of some stranger you cannot help but produce oxytocin to).
I lived a carefree and, at the same time, tedious childhood. I’ve try to commit suicide in already different ways since I was seven. Most of the time, I was too coward to go […]
Let’s say you’ve just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and the doctors all agree you will be dead in less than a week. You only have 4 and a half days of physical and mental abilities before your brain is gone, you can’t walk or speak and two days after that you will be dead.
The Make a Wish foundation has caught wind of your story and they want to give you one last wish. You only have 4 and a half days to live it up. You must make every second count..
What do you wish for?
I lied to my parents about having suicidal thoughts and carrying on self harming. Should I come clean because they are getting worse I keep taking pills and cutting and I feel its going to get worse. Should I go doctors? Or maybe counseling? I dunno what to do I feel myself fading away everyday a bit more :‘( I haven’t been able to speak to anyone 🙁 I’m going into a deeper depression and no one is caring about it 🙁 I feel like one day everyone will care when it is too late :‘(
I think it’s sad when you learn you finally love someone.. that would be my father. I have taken him for granted, but yet again he doesn’t have a clue what it’s like to suffer with depression and anxiety. I can never talk to him. Before I was token away, I was daddies little girl.. no matter what he has done to my family or my mom. We’ve separated so much through the years.. I cant just go speak to him about it, it’s different..
I honestly don’t feel like anybody is listening.. but I like the thought. Done posting for tonight, I post too much.
I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad the dreams in which I’m dying are the best ive ever had..
It’s one thing to be alone..but when ur around people who make you FEEL alone..that’s the worst! Sad… we live together but hardly ever speak even when the opportunity is there..we pass ec other without ever even looking up..its to the point where u realize the people ur suppose to know the best are really just strangers…
This happened about a year ago and writing this is part of my therapy. This is the story of my 14 year old daughter’s 2 years before her passing. You should know that Mia did not share anything with me, and the reason I know so much is from reading through her extensive journals, which i did not know about until i found them shortly after her passing. This is Mia’s story;
My daughter’s story starts in seventh grade…. She moved to the state’s most expensive private girls school from a private girls primary school. She was very happy all the way through my primary years […]
Let me detach my head
You can keep it in your bed
Where so many memories were made
So many things were left unsaid
For my ears will hear you whisper
My eyes will see you smile
My lips will speak your name
But I can only stay a while
Let me remove my heart
You can keep it in your car
Where I used to leave my shades
And my shoes were often shed
For I long to feel the wind
As we drive on for miles
The radio up too loud
But I can only stay a while
Let me tear out my lungs
You […]
how do you care or support for someone who asks for your help but then treats you like crap? Especially if that person is family. You can’t talk back to your parents or speak up for yourself because the world has tauught you since you were a kid to not talk back to ‘authority’ or ‘elders’ or ‘parents’ or ‘carers’. Then there are people who teach you that you should speak up for yourself, tell them what your thoughts or idea or opinion is….when you finally do it, it just seems to go the other way and you give up….stop trying, not bother, be pushed […]