maybe if everyone i care about could stop dying, i could focus on killing myself
Tag:
stop
In my life people expects me to be perfect, but they don’t know what i’m going through. I’m always depressed and i self-harm. I was bullied and i feel like no one cares about me. I tried to stop cutting myself because my boyfriend, but i always have the urge to cut. i need help
The Break Up
I can see the text now “Ryan we need to talk” that’s how it always starts. This is the 3rd time she’s said this to me. Never has it come to anything but I can see this being it. As of right now my heart is pounding and I am sitting on my bed worrying, shivering, thinking, pleading. Why can’t my heart stop? just stop god damn it. I am 17 and I am truly and excuse my language “fucked” right now I have no friends and I mean that I am not just saying that for sympathy. I have had to repeat […]
You don’t deserve the way my heart aches at the thought of you.
And I can’t stop loving you.
I didn’t realize I would write so much. TLDR: I’m doing poorly in my classes, I’ve relapsed pretty hard in terms of mental illness and self-harm, and I really, really want to stop the pain and disappointment and just kill myself, etc. etc.
(Fair warning, this entire post is very melodramatic.)
I am that horrible student who cannot accept anything less than an A. I am that piece of shit that needs a 4.0 to feel any sort of self-worth. I can’t even blame my parents anymore for this horrible mentality because I am not a child anymore. I am nearly 20, and though they care about […]
I keep reliving the same day over and over again. Wake up, nothing has changed. My thoughts instantly go to suicide to stop the pain. I constantly think about what I’ve lost and that there is nothing left. I’m so tired of crying every day. Now I’m to the point of this horrendous wail that I can’t control. I’m alone in a 5 bedroom house and the sound just echoes off of everything. Has anyone else experienced this heart wrenching moan? It used to be just simple crying but now it’s just a primal howl. Various times throughout the day, I wish for something to […]
I was always bullied because of my race. I never done anything about it and I never told anyone because I was afraid. Everyday in school I get racism, pushed and even physical damage. One day I told my parents but they never done anything about it. It’s like they don’t care or want me to settle it myself. I want to settle it myself but I’m too weak and I always think about how everyone thinks about me. Like how I look or how good am I at sports. I did try to settle it but I became emo at an early age when […]
I’m running late
The meaning of life is fading away
The thoughts of suicide is overwhelming
I’m dead i just forgot to stop breathing
I’m drowning in my own thoughts
I’m an empty shell, I’ve lost my soul
everything is going away
everything is taking away
I’m loosing it all
I’m starting to fall
Who can be my savior
Oh wait i’m already lost
y.t
All my life it as always been like “Yarah why won’t you be kind” “why are you not respectful” “Yarah why aren’t you doing shit in your life” And its annoying because, i’m always helping everybody, whenever someone need something i’m there, and respect is an important thing to me i will always respect everybody, anyone and yes i’m always doing things from right to left i’m always trying to make things better and fuck just no nobody sees they’re always here to judge but won’t even see the things that i do and now i’m just sooo done, why give when you don’t receive, […]
Lately I have been thinking, I am not the person I used to be. The fact that I can’t get it out of my head makes me so fucking sad. I think back at the person I used to be and now that things have changed… Many, many things have changed. It makes me so mad and depressed about it. It sucks too because I just want to not think about it. But they won’t leave. I can’t think of any way to stop thinking than to just “stop existing.” Because why else should I even be here, if I am just going to keep […]
One day I’ll have to do it. It’s a fact at this point. The pain has gone on for so long and worsens every day. It feels so hollow and nothing fills the void.
I don’t recall what it feels like to really be happy. Only that I once was a long time ago. It’s so exhausting trying to force everything every day. It’s not my fault. I didn’t ask for this.
There’s something tearing away inside me and I can feel it starting to take over after all these years of fighting it.
One day I’ll have to stop it the only way I know how. The […]
Let me tell you a True story.A story of a Childs dreams and how he ended up being the very thing he hates.Dont worry about his name.
Many years ago there was once a child,a boy.The boy was a very happy,and cheerful,and hyper.He loved going to his cousins house to play,he loved going outside,and he loved to be around other people.This child started off just like any other…pure.He had dreams of being a soldier,of being a firefighter,and of being a Hero.more than anything the boy wanted to be someone who helped others.He wanted to help the poor be happy,he wanted to give those who had nothing,everything.Unfortunately […]
It’s been so long since I slept. I can’t focus and I keep leaving work early because I can’t stay awake. Get home and i can’t stop my mind to sleep. It’s whirring constantly like white noise. I can’t even deal with my thoughts separately, to make progress. I’ve finally found a decent therapist (after years of shitty ones) but I’m still scared it won’t get better. I get attached to people easily and get so easily offended. I need to be stronger but I can’t be here much longer it’s so exhausting just waking up :/ I keep thinking of ways to end it […]
I need to stop listening to depressing music. Does anyone know good songs that just make you happy or smile? Let me know!
I am really nothing…
hi my name is **** *****. i am 1?-years old… hehe i don’t know how to start telling my life, but I’m not really good at English… I writing this because I think it will make me feel better… umm… I grew up in small city. When I was 3-8 years old, I have painful days and happy days of course. my parents were drunk, fighting, every Friday, Saturday, it was never changed 5-years, always drinking, fighting. me and my big brother and my lil sister, crying in room, our word never changed our parents, we always tell them to stop […]
I’m just so sick of being sad, the worse part is I can’t explain why I’m even sad… I wrote a note and it seemed like I was drunk and crazy at the same time, it makes sense in my head but I can’t get it out…. I find myself researching ways to end it that won’t upset people if they find me, why am I so worried still about pleasing people
“I just hope that one day – preferably when we’re both blind drunk – we can talk about it.”– J. D. Salinger
I didn’t want to post here again , but it was one of those days that sucker punch you for waking up. Takes the piss out of you for walking outside. Then, it finishes you with a swift kick to the birds with a spring sticking out of your driver seat in the car.
I try very hard to smile much of the time when dealing with people. I want them to see me as happy, I guess. It isn’t as though it matters. Today, […]
God loves a fool. That is the reason I am still here. It is not because I have strong survival skills. My parents was proud of having a strong baby girl overcoming autism.
Unfortunately, I am not. I think it is a mistake they made for having me. Somehow I think I am burden to them as well as to this world. I guess if it weren’t for me, the autistic kid, my sister and brother could have turned out well . I grew with the world centering around me . I spent my entire childhood visiting psychiatrist, trying all kinds of things […]
*WARNING LONGEST STORY + RANT EVER ABOUT FIGHT WITH FAKE FRIENDS*
So once again I am taken advantage of and treated like shit for it. I try to be a good person and this is what I get. So I was friends with four girls, their initials are S,M,ME, and E, because i don’t want to use their real names. I was friends with them for almost a year and I noticed that even at lunch, M stopped talking to me. And a few days later, E told me M said “I need to talk to you about Tara, I am so done with her […]
“Iron”
The earth, the rain, and the thunder in the music has stopped
Switched to the sound of a ghosted, a being of aghast
I have three-minute in abyss to sing my way through
Real-truth reality chained to a bell and cast in the maze
Pure-plague of Gaia, 2014 A.D.
Escapade the atomic, the tectonic, inside the belly
The bells of continuation will never stop ringing now
Of my white-dog of all foremost, take him, take me, take you
Alpha Black-Lotus
In the labyrinth, an only way to come through behind gateway-thirteen
Is to call for an angel, winged-creature of heart and your holy bone
Cubone cannot […]