I’m fairly certain I come from a long line of diagnosed and un-diagnosed mental illness. My maternal great-grandmother committed suicide when my grandmother was eleven. Unfortunately, I never really took the time to ask my grandmother how it effected her as a child and an adult, and now she’s recently passed. I have been diagnosed as bipolar by two psychiatrists, but when I returned to one of those doctors recently after a couple years gap, she seems to be rethinking that diagnosis. I’m not seeing a professional right now because I have a hard time justifying spending $50 to see the therapist every week, plus […]
Tag:
the end
Oh, baby; oh, gorgeous
Child, sevens to Satori
Are you with me
Vagabond, you can hold the glock’
I’ll use my fist to the end, like a water
Scramble, Faye Valentine
Can I be the never, Spike Spiegel
Black Jack, take it tonight
Caesar at ours, oh
A new story of I and us, will it be forever.
Monastic
I have had suicide thoughts before. But the end wasn’t death.
You can read my story here:
There’s no fear, only this immense sense of relief and satisfaction. And happiness.
I know what’s waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, and I can’t fucking wait to get there already.
Heck, I won’t even be mad if I survive the attempt and be severely paralyzed for the rest of my life. But I need to feel it. Even if for a few seconds, I need to feel it.
31/09/2014.
The weight on your chest never ends.
He is the beginning,
He is the weight,
Physically crushing,
The pain follows,
Heavier than he was.
The black hole in your chest,
Ripping your insides apart.
The cuts are the closer,
The release and the cause simultaneously,
The blood runs,
You get one true breath in,
The weight returns
You know its not the end,
Tomorrow he will be there.
He will find you.
The weight will never end
Here i am, unable to sleep once again. It has been becoming more regular lately. Thinking of the failures of my life. The failures bound to take their place in my life eventually, who knows how many more there could be. I feel like it’s getting closer to the day that i just give into these thoughts. I just want it to come to an end. An abrupt, swift end.
Now for a little back story i guess (sorry in advance in if i get carried away). When i was in primary school, i was bullied to the point where an eight year old (myself) wanted […]
My life is in chaos right now. I’m moving to a different state on Wednesday. I’m gonna be couch surfing with a guy who will let me stay in exchange for me being a chauffeur. I put an ad out on Craig’s List saying I needed a place to crash and I’d do chores and cook in trade. I’ve gotten so many responses of basically “sleep with me and you can stay as long as you like”.
I hate people. I’m not a whore. If I were, I would certainly go for a sugar daddy type instead of someone who will let me sleep on their […]
I’m having a really rough time staying alive right now. Every moment is filled with anxiety and a wish for death.
I’m trying to hold out until my brother is out of jail at the end of the month. But this is getting more difficult by the day.
Does anyone have any tips on how to hang on for just a while longer?
I often wonder how we can be so alone in this overpopulated world??? Such a sad existence once you survive the unsurvivable! Everyone/everything you once knew continues on like you were never there. We are so insignificant alone!!! 1 more day closer to the end, so curious to see what happens yet so reluctant. Goodnight world!!!
A guy died and went to Hell. After his “intake” was over, he was escorted down a long, hot corridor and lead into a huge cavern. What he saw astonished him – thousands of people standing waist deep in warm, steaming human waste. Many of them strangely were enjoying a cup of coffee or other refreshments.
“Is this it?” he questioned.
“Yep, this is it.” replied the escort. “Your place is over at the end of the third row.”
Wading through the muck after a brief stop at a Coke machine that didn’t require money he took his place, opened his soft drink and quipped to a woman […]
For a long time I’ve known I would die by suicide. I know now that this time has come. I’ve come to the end of my mortal life and I can’t live any more. The only unknown in this equation is when. I’ve been hospitalised an average of four times a year for the last four years for mood symptoms and psychosis. This feeling of expiring has been building for a couple of years now and it’s grown to the point of no return. I’m not sure that I can come back from this feeling. This feeling of complete emptiness, blockage, doom, the end. The […]
Why do we continue the empty eternal struggle. Knowing there is nothing at the end.
Sick of this life and people. Sooo sick. Im hated. Im bullied. Im tired. Now. Im tired. No im not sad I want the end sooner now
now thats a song i could die to thats a song i could cloce my eyes and stop my heart to thats a song i could shut down my braine to and let my taterd sole be huged and kissed by an angel to thats a song that gives me hope in the dark gives a reson to die for me but i whant to be here with her im only going if she goes and hopefuly she whont but if she dose thats what i will go to so i can be held by the mother earth and her so i can smile close […]
Hello everyone here.Iam a long time reader of sp, I just made an account and i have psychotic depression, paranoia, high anxiety and extreme mood swings for which im on medications now. I have attempted suicide twice in three years, was hospitalised like the rest of you.. I want the end i dont care how difficult it is to die i know one day i will do it. Im in love with a girl who is still stuck in her ex, I have a habit of making people my life, so when they say or do something i dont like i get depressed. little things […]
I fear I may lose sight
Of the light at the end of the tunnel
Each and every day, it gets less bright.
Enveloped in darkness I stay,
The happy memories fading away,
As everything turns to gray.
Most nights, I’m alone and distraught.
Thoughts of ending it all,
I slip farther into the deep.
This incline is proving to be too steep.
Tired of trying. Tired of crying. Just a lost soul who is waiting for the end. The hurt that is going on inside, no one tries to understand. They all say, “Just get over it and move on.” but how can you get over feeling dead inside?
Everyone thinks they know best, exactly what you need and if you disagree it’s your illness. How the fuck do they know? I’ve been “ill” for 10 years and now everyone wants to tell me what I need to do. At the end of the day they can label you anything but you’re the only person who truly knows who you are.
I was doing ok for a little while. I’m finding myself becoming more scatter brained and slowly relapsing back into my depressive state. I’m becoming angry with people I shouldn’t, missing people that don’t miss me, and loving people that don’t love back. I can’t seem to find a balance….this balance they all speak of.
And at the end of the day I hate the fact I lived through it.
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floooooor
Beaten why for (why for)
Can’t take much more
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go!
One – Nothing wrong with me
Two – Nothing wrong with me
Three – Nothing wrong with me
Four – Nothing wrong with me
One – Something’s got to give
Two – Something’s got to give
Three – Something’s got to give
Now
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the flooooor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the floor
Let the bodies hit the flooooor
Now!
Push me again
This is the end
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go!
One […]