Have you ever asked yourself, “when would suicide be the right thing to do?” What line needs to be crossed before killing oneself is justified? And once one finds justification for killing oneself, what possible future is there for them if they can’t? This is where I am. Struggling in vain to find a way to end it. Too cowardly to do anything painful, too selfish to give up wanting. I don’t want to die, I just deserve to. I’m not finding a way to cope. The world would be a better place without me. Everyone with whom I come into contact ultimately ends up […]
I often times wander online looking up stuff. Recently I have watched the debates that Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, and Christopher Hitchens have had with religious leaders about atheism. I have also read scientific studies that say love doesn’t exist. All of this makes me wonder why should we even bother with life at all. If you don’t invent something important or create a cure for something it all seems totally pointless. Are we all living in a twisted bullshit fantasy that never has a happy ending? Poverty, homelessness, and abuse are getting worse world wide and with 9 billion people the world is dangerously […]
She sat alone,
alone and at home,
where her screams were silent,
but her mind was violent.
Her insecurities hid deep inside,
and they indeed eat her alive,
a tear rolled down her face,
as her heart begin to race.
She took her blade and tore her skin,
where her depression lies deep within,
this went on my days, months, years,
and untill she cried her very last tears,
she decided she had enough,
the world around her was much to tough.
She took a gun to her head,
congradalations society,
she is dead.
Wow. I haven’t been writing for 3 months and now I’m back again. It’s funny cause I thought I was doing so well. Turns out, I’ve been lying to myself. Yes, people have it worse than me but does that mean my problems don’t matter? I’m about to start college soon after graduating early one whole year. The expectation of everyone is really weighing down on me. The stress of handling everything, every action that I take from now on is being carefully watched and judged. I’m trying to handle so many things in my life and I think I’m getting overwhelmed again. I know […]
The moment you put a gun to your head and debate if your life is worth living through all the hard times is when you’ve hit the bottom. I’m sitting alone because no one can do anything to help me anymore. I can’t help myself anymore. I’ve tried for better days but it seems that my days keep getting worste. I’m tired, my body is tired of taking the pain that the world is throwing at me. You think divide is selfish? What is selfish is the people in this world pushing people to the point of sucked. I’m not going to discuss problems on […]
I’ve always had a theory. Our lives comprises of mainly two distinct aspects, “professional” and “personal” and we’ll need either of the two to at least find a reason to survive. Well, I got none at this point. I’m neither a person with an an amazing career worthy of mention or a perfectly polished personality nor am I a happy unicorn with a handful of moments to remember when I die. I feel I’m the poorest among billions of souls in this world right now.I’m scattered in pieces searching for my identity and I feel I’m doing some kind of favor to the world by […]
A little something I wrote. Feedback appreciated.
There once was a man, a traveler . His goal was to reach the other side of the world. Along the way he had to stop and wait for his second flight. It didn’t come till the next day. He saw another man in the city who had lived there for many years. But when he approached the man and asked where he was from, he just said “oh I’m just stopping by, I’m not really from here”, but he did not look like the other people from the town. Interested, the man tried to learn more about the […]
I can’t take it guys…. I can’t do it…. I’m so low right now.. Everyone is out and having fun and enjoying themselves without me and I’m sure no one will even notice that I’m not there, just like if I died. No one would notice that I wasn’t there. Maybe I would be a sad story to tell your children ten years from now about mental illness or what happens when people aren’t loved. Maybe those that I know will cry for a day, maybe they’ll mourn for a week.. And then it’ll be over and people will forget, slowly or quickly. Everyone will […]
I’m a selfish person for thinking about killing myself is what I keep hearing from family. I have a special sensitivity and I see the world and people and I see their hearts, all of their bitterness, coldness, ambition: the same things I see in myself sometimes. I don’t belong here. Maybe afterlife will bring me to where God is, a heaven better than this place. I’m here because I’m guilt tripped into staying here by my family. I don’t find happiness in earthly things and I certainly don’t like being judged constantly. I just want to BE. Can that place be found here? I […]
Tomorrow I start my fifth year of college.
Yikes.
This year I finish degree #1. I student teach in the spring, and in the fall I do…everything else. I’m overwhelmed to say the least. I’m saddled with things I have to do and missing opportunities that I wanted to have due to factors I have no control over. I feel as if I’ve lost control of my life, but I don’t know if I was ever in control to begin with.
This summer has felt like a blur. I’ve let people down and felt the world crumble around my feet. I’ve spent days upon days in bed, feeling […]
Young. Black. College educated. Woman.
There is no hope for me. There is no help for me. I feel an immense sense of inadequacy. I feel like a burden on the world. I feel burdened by the world.
And I want to kill myself? I consider death often, I’m not sure if I fear it or welcome it. Maybe a bit of both. Am I trapped?
There’s deep stigma around mental health issues in the black community. So I have no one to turn to without being chastised about my moral weakness and lack of willpower. Which is why I’m here.
Should I die now? Do I deserve to […]
I’ve never been good at anything in my entire life. From the start I just caused my parents misery and made them split up before I could even form memories. At Primary School I was always behind the other kids, I never perfected my handwriting and to this day it’s still disgusting, I never had any friends in my class and was always just the retard that nobody liked. This continued into High School where I managed to get some help and actually caught up with everyone else eventually, even excelling in some subjects but still being considered a weird ugly loner by everyone else […]
This is going to sound really stupid but I got stood up, and it was by someone who I really care about… And I don’t know why because he’s been gone for four days and I haven’t heard anything from him.. I know he’s okay, I just don’t know when I’ll get to talk to or see him again and it really makes me sad… I feel like he knows me better than anyone else in the world and if I’m not worth it to him, maybe I won’t be worth it to anyone… He was the one thing I was looking forward to for […]
The calamity, gotta’ write somewhere
Anymore, like it’s been a while
Waiting for the nail to grow
And I’m going, in my way
Down-tempo
If you knew, alone, to the best of my ability
Grace, my grace
The day, that I see you, again
And it’s too bad, making half-sense without the music
Maybe, I got to skip the beat, now
Just maybe
The palm and the wind
Taking it back from the deep urban
I mean, to get the heck out
Two-generation, catch into action
Heal-me, then see us
Synchronizing, I’m talking about life and the world
What is everything more
Grow me to the living
Two to two-thousand
Like the Palm and the wind
Just maybe
…
Why, versus the Lion and the Dragon
I’ve tried looking at life from a positive perspective but it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m ready to die. I’m 27 years old. I have Bipolar Disorder. I’m poor. I’m on government assistance. I’m African-American. I’m a woman. I’m extremely overweight. I still live with my parents. I come from a family of Narcissists who have each told me in their own way that they don’t mind if I die. I’ve tried to put myself out there in college and employment but nothing fulfills me. And no amount of medication is going to change how I feel. I’m already taking 4 meds and […]
Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the mind and heart
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that
Today was a good day
Now read from bottom to top.
you know, i envy people with cancer. Listen i understand its terrible, and what im saying sounds ridiculous. But for the people on this page just imagine for a second. I hate myself, i hate everyone and im pretty sure everyone hates me. I’m so angry, so depressed, so stressed, so sick of everything. If i had cancer, that saves me having to commit suicide. Having to to find a gun, so the suicide is painless as possible. If i had cancer, I could sit, play video games, read books, watch soccer, football basketball without a fuck to give. Cause i know my life is […]
Just spent a bunch of time writing this on mobile and forgot to save it and got an error, yay me.
Anyway, hi. I’ve been browsing this website on and off for the past year or so and decided to share my story today.
So I’m currently 18 years old, and I’ve been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since about 9 or 10.
I’ve never really met or talked to my real father in any way, he left when I was 3 months old, I come from a relatively poor family
and my father never paid his child support, my mom rarely had a job and would constantly get […]
I was about to answer Sui_RC but I felt like making it a post instead because I felt that it could maybe help other people here.
Hi, from what I just read from your older post you are telling us that you feel useless. I understand that, you feel like the world would be the same without you. But I also saw that there is time where you laugh, I’m not going to tell you such a thing as ‘’live for the happy moment’’ that would be disrespectful of your wish but let me tell you something: if you can smile with others that mean you […]
Hey guys.
This is like my third post in two days.
Please advise on how to handle that feeling that noone really cares and the world would be waaaaay better off without you.
Cus, i for the past one month thats all i have been thinking. Cus i am a coward, i am still alive.
People , actually, one person who i thought cared a lot just turned out to be another one who didn’t.