you know, i envy people with cancer. Listen i understand its terrible, and what im saying sounds ridiculous. But for the people on this page just imagine for a second. I hate myself, i hate everyone and im pretty sure everyone hates me. I’m so angry, so depressed, so stressed, so sick of everything. If i had cancer, that saves me having to commit suicide. Having to to find a gun, so the suicide is painless as possible. If i had cancer, I could sit, play video games, read books, watch soccer, football basketball without a fuck to give. Cause i know my life is ending soon, so i dont have to go through the burden of having so much hate. I could drop out of school, and spend the last (lets say year) year of life doing things i want. saying what i want with no regret, not being ridiculed. i spend a year just playing video games now, and drop out, im a fuckin loser right? im gonna amount to nothing in the world and be a garbage man(no disrespct towards garbage men.) Well if i did that with cancer i do what the fuck i want, without being hassled. Honestly i think im wording this pretty pathetically. Hopefully you guys can understand what im trying to say
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I understand where you’re clearly from. Someone I know had a wife who past away from cancer. She was diagnosed with stage 4 colon (I think colon anyway) and given like 2 mos to live. She was able to extend her existence to about 8 mos but passed away in February 2015. I secretly envied her.
Separately, I had tests done on my head. I was hoping to have something there.
I think by “having something ” it puts it into finality; a time frame to ones existence and ends uncertainty. I have often thought about whether or not I would seek treatment if I were to be diagnosed. I cannot say for sure but I would like to think that I would refuse it… I appreciate that some people want to live… at the same time some people want to die too…….
One thing is wanting to die and another one completely different is being faced with a timeframe. If you were diagnosed with cancer and spent your last months doing everything you want, you might end up not wanting to die and then looking for treatment in order to prolong your life… which kinda defeats the purpose. I do get what you are saying tho… it would be a lot easier to just let yourself die instead of having to do it yourself (and it would be easier socially as well), and i admit that i had wished it a couple of times. With my luck it would likely happen the same exact moment i find a reason to live again tho.
Mf, you make such great sense in a lot of what you say 🙂
I totally understand what you’re saying. My aunt just died from cancer last week. I wanted so bad to say to my family, “She’s lucky”. But I think they would be pissed if I did.
But that’s how I feel. I have a tiny pain in my left breast. I think it was just a small pore that got irriated. I keep feeling it and it shoots a small pain through my breast. I keep saying, may I wish this were cancer. I hope it turns out to be. And if I have concerns, I am NOT going to a doctor. That would be my ticket out.
I understand where you’re coming from. The thought of an expiration date brings relief, to be honest. I’m constantly scared of living but I’m scared of committing suicide. What if I survive? But if it was cancer, I know I’d certainly die.
Though, I think I just envy the fact that there is certainty of death and the certainty that you cannot be faulted for it. Because not even doctors really have any concrete answer what causes it, it gives you an out. If it was suicide, people would have been constantly questioning your reasons. But with cancer, it’s like you just lucked out in russian roulette.
I understand where you’re coming from. The thought of an expiration date brings relief, to be honest. I’m constantly scared of living but I’m scared of committing suicide. What if I survive? But if it was cancer, I know I’d certainly die.
Though, I think I just envy the fact that there is certainty of death and the certainty that you cannot be faulted for it. Because not even doctors really have any concrete answer what causes it, it gives you an out. If it was suicide, people would have been constantly questioning your reasons. But with cancer, it’s like you just lucked out in russian roulette.
I feel you but some people with cancer don’t even have the energy to play video games. It’s quite miserable for some.
I do get the desire to just be able to not be bothered in life… it is true that no one really cares unless you’re dying… I am sure that I’m dying slowly… I hope my death speeds up..