it feels weird being back on this website, but Im back to the place where i need it.
i guess a little update on my life then, although Im pretty sure nobody cares.
lately, like in the past month or so, Ive been more depressed than i ever have been in my whole entire life. even though Im living at my dads now, which is everything i wanted, it still didnt fix anything. i pushed away all my friends and family and i just sit in my room all day watching YouTube videos. I cant even think about the future anymore, even though everyone […]
Tag:
the world
The code of blue and the iron code. The word Mankind.
Devoured by the fire and the monster.
The monster, that is you.
An organism dying spawn, I am, of your vein. You have no name.
You are less than a man, equal less than zero.
The world equals oblivion. In my heart of jewel evolution.
Hades, is our God of the World. Grey falling Hades.
Here in the belly, I’ve turned into a beast.
A beast of hell, a monstrous chain. I am here to conquer the world.
To destroy Lucifer behind my acidic breath.
Man. The world. A part of me that’s dying.
I always here it. Suicide is so selfish it makes everyone around you unhappy.
Here’s what i have to say to that…
Suicide is not selfish, if anything, stopping suicide is selfish, because it’s selfish to make someone stay here on this world when they are in so much pain. Or even if they think that they are having a bad effect on the world. I think that people have the right to kill themselves without being reprimanded by people who have no idea what it’s like…
Also, if someone kills themselves people should be happy for them, they discovered there emotions and acted upon them. If you […]
17 year old girl kills herself
How does that sound?
She traveled to Haiti, helped build a school, was part of the soccer team, contributed more than 200 hours of service to her community.
Does that make my life anymore valuable than the next victim?
What about being disrespectful, to my parents, my sister, myself
Do I deserve death now?
Every time I feel down an depressed I tell myself I don’t have he right to, there are so many people in worse conditions with a smile on their face and here I am complaining
I don’t deserve not have the right to feel sad
I […]
It just hit me when I was reading one of the posts. Remembered this speech by Samwais Gamgee to Frodo in
Lotr: The Two Towers. Now that if something probably touches everyone in at least some way. A new day will come.
Frodo: I can’t do this Sam
Sam: I know
It’s All Wrong
By rights we shouldn’t even be here.
But we are.
It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo.
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger, they were.
And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the […]
Well, been with this girl for the past 4 years. The most amazing girl, did everything she can to me, gave me all the love that she could. Everything was perfect.. A few months ago though, I got bored, and ended up cheating, and told her. The girl I cheated with had gotten pregnant.. Of course, my gf left me. Told me if she knew it wasn’t mine then maybe we could work through it. Well that was 2 weeks ago, I get a call this morning saying the baby didn’t make it. So I called her and she said “well that was last week, […]
So I started to become chronically depressed which only worsened as I aged. I believe it started when I was 8. Parents are selfish with terrible emotional and self esteem issues who should never have had the right to conceive. To summarize; Mom is a few wire-crosses short of self-combustion. Ego driven, superficial maniac that is incredibly angry and would just scream, scream, scream 24 hours a day. In any other previous time period she would have been taken out back behind the barn and put out of her misery like a rabid dog. Dad has some self-esteem issues, and would basically put me down […]
The daisy days go buy, i sit dazed and confused ,laying one with the being beneath me. he hugs me she trust me ,she know i am loyal to her trees, magnificent beings. closing my eyes,I wonder upon the mountain side, so small infinite to the world outside. I love it all, the one thing i could possibly love is her,the song birds sing ,i sigh the wind fills my lungs to saves my cries. Brush the hair of a girl who is so confined, so small to both her and time, I try to just be, love everything she made; including me, be open […]
Have you ever felt so much pain from all your hurtful past events that you break down crying? But then there just one event in particular that makes your skin crawl, even the thought of it makes you wanna fall apart right then and there…..You feel like you wanna break down and cry….But nothing comes out, so you sit there completely numb to the world around you, just being consumed by your own thoughts….Constantly asking yourself “Why?”…..Then everything just crashes down before your eyes…….and after a while……you just give in and wait for death…..Know the feeling?
~.Andi.~
If I were to die, who would care?
I’m sure someone would care, for a few minutes, but honestly, who would really take it to heart because I meant something?
My family might care for a minute, but they would forget about me, probably within a week.
I don’t really have any friends, and I know why. I am a jerk. I am worthless and stupid and I have no purpose. So, the people who are “friends” with me are friends with me out of pity. They would probably be better off if I died.
I honestly can’t think of anyone who would […]
i hate this world
people dont care about our feelings, im depressed i would never off myself even tho everyone around me makes me wanna kill myself, i dont feel sad, i dont feel anything, we are saving our selves from this world, we are making the world a better place for everyone. i dont like it here but i need to be here there was a purpose to my birth, i just dont know what it is. if you get sad dont cut, right what you hate about yourself on a piece of paper then burn it, just burn it and you will never see […]
Ive always felt alone since I was a little kid. recently i lost my job, car got repoed, bills piling up, girlfriend left me, no one talks to me. ive lost 40 lbs over 5 months from not eating. I have a 12 year old son who idolizes me and hes starting to act like me, sad.
I was “happy” last year the world looked good.
I hate my arms. I’m covered in scars. I smile and pretend I’m totally fine, I laugh and I joke. Among my friends I’m the one who cheers them up, gives the best advice, makes them laugh. Do they genuinely feel close to me? I don’t feel close to them. I don’t really feel close to anyone. I can’t let people in.
I was doing a good job of it recently, I was opening up. Light was shining a little in my life. Just a teeny bit. I pined for years. I pined and I pined and I pined. Finally last year I realized my pining […]
Me? Yeah i’m fine. If you consider a feeling like this “fine” a pain that is so dreadful crying doesn’t seem sad enough, a pain that makes your whole body shake, one that feels like its ripped half of your insides out, it makes you numb to the world, you feel as though nothing in this world is worth living i never knew a pain could be so unbearable, I mean i can stand most pain, but this…this is just horrible…I feel so alone all the time… I just want to be heard is all, but no one gives me that chance…and sometimes to […]
I wish I could feel. To be alive.
To sense the wind, the breeze, the air.
A breath of fresh air, to finally be one with the cool of life.
To feel, even my own skin. My mind, without boundaries.
To simply be. To simply be…
I am not alive, the essence of life stripped from me.
Zen. To simply be. Please, the portal of air.
Zen. To simply be. The ultimate zenith.
Breathing between living and dying. Ultimate obstruction and suffering.
Time. Transmuted forever, the supreme giver of salvation.
But I cannot breathe. Please, help me.
The so-called Beggar. The feathers. The staff. And my white […]
Thats is, im going to kill myself. And my mother is to blame, she has made my life so miserable that i cant even take it anymore. They always think im lying an im not, they make me not even want to talk to them , then when i dont talk to them, i get in trouble, so im never going to have even a day that im not in trouble. Im going to just explode. My soul is chipping away from the world and my life is worth nothing more than dirt. My heart cant take this emotional roller coaster, im going […]
Now at 23, this summer will mark a full decade of long standing depression, at least from the clinical diagnosis. I can’t remember my emotions any younger than that, since my upbringing was filled with abuse and solitude. I find myself wondering, is this it? Year after year I find myself surprised at how time passes and the fact that I’ve managed to unhappily  live through another year. And it scares me. Will I just be floating on through life like this until I’m forty, fifty, sixty?
Though I’ve only been in treatment (meds, psychologists, hospitals) Â for five years, I don’t know what more I can […]
Hi, I’m a 15 year old boy, I’m currently a closet bi-sexual, and have, in my own way, suffered a lot over the years. For starts, I’ve had to deal with both mental and physical bullying my whole life, save for this year. When I was in 4th grade, I had only 1 friend, and when I tried to make a new one, this kid thought I was trying to take his only friend away, so instead of telling me so, he physically bullied me to try to get his point across. Every time he caught me talking to his friend, he would come up […]
Life right now is unimaginably amazing. Problem is with life is that just when everything is going great it will find a way to fuck you up. How to keep positive that it won’t? All the times that I have known life has messed me right up as soon as I thought it was going fine. All I can remember was that innocent little girl who thought that life is amazing then one horrible day when she was 12 years old found out how cruel the world was. Age 12 ran away from a rape and worst of all on holiday. These thoughts haunt me […]
I run today Litterely moving. The world through my eyes is cold. Full of dark colors. The air is crisp around me thin. layers of mist collect on my face under my hat on my glasses. Â I hold my keys in my hands their sound as constant as my steady moving lump of body mass. I run. Its has been a long time since I have run and I can’t remember why I would do such a thing at the moment.Â
My body jiggles forward my mind moves back in memory. forcing me to quite again to walk I keep moving. I remember wanting to die. […]