The beginning  of January I became depressed at first i didn’t think i was i thought it was because i didn’t believe it, i went to talk to someone nd i got some medication and it worked for a month until i had lost control, my step dad was in a metal worker so he knows what to do but when i feel depress try everything i can to find ways to kill myself. I look at my siblings and want to be them. I wanted to die but now i want to get better
Tag:
thought
Would you rather have a second chance in life like reincarnation after death or is the idea of there being nothing else after death more preferable? I personally am living a life of regrets so getting an opportunity to start again in another life is a comforting thought in some ways, like a clean slate. On the other hand however, there’s no way of knowing what circumstances you’ll be born into, it might be worse than the first life.
Do you ever get the angry side of being suicidal ? i was just surrounded by people telling me that i’m perfectly fine and theres nothing wrong, the same people who spoon feed me the pills that are designed to basically make you humble in your intolerable situations, and they laugh and poke you as if waiting for a punchline in some massive bloody joke.
my mind instantly went to that place, which most of us probably call home, and i thought.
if i’m willing to end my own life in the most brutal of ways
then what’s stopping me from massacring my current tormentors ?
its a little […]
i have been happier then ever.suicide isnt a thought anymore.finally i dont have to always try and get my mind of trying to kill myself.when the thoughts are taken away.listening to music alwayed helped but now im starting to realize i need to forgive and forget and let go of my past and stop living in the past because if i dont i wont be able to let go
that little girl
she was so naive
didn’t know what life was
so sheltered as a kid
she forced herself
to learn alone
she made friends
some lied
some cried
some died
some succeeded
some failed
she was alone
she had to reach again..
where is that little girl?
shes had some growing up to do
grown up decisions led to adult consequences
she just didn’t learn
she tried so hard
she caved
she lit the lighter and inhaled
knowing the damage
4 months later she lost herself
her baby passed
and she cried
where oh where is the naive little girl?
she lifted up the clouds […]
what the fuck? chemicals affect behavior? no fucking way, the data is wrong, the scientists are stupid. look, here is the truth: what do BABIES do? fucking nothing. then when they hurt, they start crying screaming hellfire torture. they don’t DO anything, except scream when they hurt. babies KNOW the TRUTH. everything you do is LEARNED, it is sensed through PERCEPTION. a blind baby cannot see, so they CANNOT perceive things through eyes, so functionally sight is a LIE to them. they are TOLD that others can see, they have NO WAY of knowing except for your words to them. everything is LEARNED, everything is […]
Here I am again. Missing you, my love. I read the posts here and I think of you. I never thought for a minute that you would take your own life. You were strong, you taught me so much and you didn’t even know it. I always wished you could have seen yourself the way I saw you. I still love you with all my heart baby.
Why do I bother? Why the FUCK do I even try anymore? After spending a few days in the psych ward, I would have thought that things would be a little better. You are just as goddamn selfish and self-absorbed as you ever were! What if I HAD killed myself, you *****? What would you have done then?
Would you go to your goddamn aerobics class instead of going to my funeral? “That’s how life is, and you just have to get over it. Stop letting every little thing bother you. You’re just like your daddy, I can’t talk to you!”
Maybe because all you ever want […]
I have competed come off all my medications. Wellbutrin, cipralex and seroquil. I was monitored by my dr as I need to know if I am feeling is way because it who I ultimately am or if the medications had any negative effects. I believe that medications awe necessary for extreme circumstance but let me tell you the withdrawals from these meds that are supposedly meant to help are hell. It took over a month to even start to feel a tad normal. I was shaky, dizzy, nauseous, I couldn’t control my body temp, I’d sweat one minute freeze the next. I had insomnia and […]
Hello. My name is Shawn, and I’m going to inform you all about my life from within my head. I think my life was fairly normal except for my mental state and the fact that I lived in complete filth for most of my life. My house was ankle high with trash and nobody cleaned it. Laundry was rarely done so I was a generally gross kid. I remember however I was fairly smart. At school I knew everybody and was the school clown. It was fun having people laugh at me when I would do something stupid even if they didn’t really respect me.
On […]
There is something worse than being retarded. It’s being a retarded person who is self-aware enough to know they’re retarded. I am retarded, and I know it. Like Charlie Gordon in Flowers for Algernon. Like him, I started out oblivious. I had a vague understanding that other people were making fun of my face, my actions, my words, my clothing, and the fact that I was never coordinated or fast enough to play sports at gym class no matter how hard I tried (nor, for that matter, could I make any sense of the rules). I became self aware very slowly, over time. I started […]
Ellen is spontaneous, outgoing, kind of overbearing at times- but that is what make her so fun to be around- she’s always thinking of things to do and places to go. I, on the other hand, am awkward, shy and rather painful to be around due to a inconvenient addiction to poking people. I have sort of formulated it in to a language.
Through out my life, social ineptitude has been quite detrimental and has never failed to ruin important social encounters, it’s surprising I ever managed to acquire a boyfriend; my friend Ellen managed to conjure several relationships and buckets of friends. She has this […]
I’m just tired.
I’m just sad.
I’m just angry.
Today at school, some Christian told me i wasn’t going to heaven. Just because i don’t believe in Jesus. I do believe in God, though. But she doesn’t seem to understand that. Then after that, a friend of mine told me she had gone to the guidance office with one of my other friends. Extremely concerned on what happened, i asked why. They told me, it was for me. Some “preps” were talking about me behind my back, during gym today. They were saying that me and my girlfriend weren’t really in love, that we were […]
She cried in her own hands, asking what did she do to deserve this much pain. This pain has been stuck inside her for too long, too long for her to believe that this is the punishment for something she has done wrong. But then she thought for no more than a second before realizing, ” I don’t deserve this, I deserve better!”
For every single person who is suffering from internal pain, we deserve better than this.
No person should have to endure such hurt. We are all human, born sinners, who have a lifetime to make things right.
If you are anything like me – someone […]
i have become bored.i have become depressed again.there are times where i think if i get drunk or high it will go away but then it all goes away and once again i feel the pain.if you have ever did what i did to your family you know its hurts.i use to think my mom didtn care or love me.i alway thought she hated me and that i was a mistake.i honestly dont know what the hell i was thinking.when my mom found me and ishe looked at my right arms she couldnt believe her eyes.she saw 32 fresh cuts and didnt know why i […]
Done . Im just done . I fought , i tried . But im broken … Every thought is a battle , every breath is a war ; and i dont think im winning anymore .
So I have been thinking about Life for a long time now, and i just can’t see a meaning to live! I want to die, but i can’t kill myself because i don’t want to hurt my family and friends… I have thought about running away but the same feeling of not wanting to hurt anyone shows it’s ugly face again… I actually doesn’t have a bad life, i get food everyday, i have a loving family, i have a warm bed, i have a place to call home… But still i just dont want to live anymore… I’m praying everyday in the bus on […]
It’s not that I’m unattractive, I’m just embarrassed by my face; I hate moving my mouth in front of people; I hate when people look at me. I try to be social but I just creep people out, and that just puts me two steps backwards. My brain is slowing down. I can’t remember words or concepts I need to communicate with people. My brain has become so tired I struggle to remember correct sentence structure when speaking. I am thrust into all of these social activities because of my boyfriend and I constantly embarrass him. Sometimes he catches me staring at nothing and asks […]
I’m tired of this mess that ive made my life. I have been suicidal since my first breakup. All of my relationships have always ended in the girl either cheating or leaving for one reason or another. Its usually the classic “its not you its me” crap. I am a very loving and emotional person and no matter how many women say that is what they are looking for, it is simply not the truth. I just got out of a “relationship” with a girl that i thought was a person i could trust. I should have known better. I was laying in bed with […]