Tired

I’m tired of this mess that ive made my life. I have been suicidal since my first breakup. All of my relationships have always ended in the girl either cheating or leaving for one reason or another. Its usually the classic “its not you its me” crap. I am a very loving and emotional person and no matter how many women say that is what they are looking for, it is simply not the truth. I just got out of a “relationship” with a girl that i thought was a person i could trust. I should have known better. I was laying in bed with her when she received a text from another guy. I told her then that I was not going to share and if she wanted out she should do it then. Of course this isnt what happened. Then two days ago she asks what i think our relationship was. I knew then she had found someone else she would rather talk too. I told her to forget my number. Sorry for all that but im just giving perspective to the things that happen with every relationship ive ever had. If history is any indication of the future of my life i am seriously through with this. Im 33 and this is the same thing ive dealt with all my life. I also lost my daughter two years ago and still see her laying on that stretcher cold and gone. I refuse to try and salvage this crappy existence. I am on methadone and that makes my libido pretty much nonexistent. I have tried and tried and would rather go out on my own than live the rest of this misery out. Ive read the peaceful pill handbook and am going to procure some pentobarbital. I have other means but the ******** seems to be the most peaceful way to go. I dont want to leave a mess for someone else to clean up. What are some good songs to go out with??