Once long ago, I trod upon a forgotten path. A withered, earthen, lonely thing. A disarray of crumbled stones, wispy cobwebs and a feral forest of rife undergrowth. My besotted mind was dull and addled; undaunted by this road of such a stifling ominous air. Drunk with my own relentless despair I stumbled through this foreboding path with the grace of a crippled cat. I know not when but quickly I saw my world contort, and twist with alarming intensity. My awareness was snatched by a sudden trance; my conscious smothered by gripping delusions, phantoms and nightmares galore. Before me unrolled the intricate fabric and […]
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together
my whole life hasnt been easy it started when I was 2 my dad hung himself in his office at work I dont remember him except this one time we wer watching racing on tv i was on his lap thats all I remember of him then at age 6 my sisters boyfriend touched me I was too young to understand what happened but when he was caught doing it to another kid he was arrested police asked me but I was too scared,of what people would think of me he went to prison for 2 years then at age 8 we moved from my […]
New poem. Had some help this time from SP’s very own Chataway.
Like usual, poem is beneath the audio for those that can’t decipher an Australian accent.
Tears
Bullfrog:
So it’s taken me a while but I’ve come to a realisation
that the worst thing one can have in life is expectations.
It’s like a revelation that all the heartache in my life has been of my own creation.
Being broke wouldn’t be a disappointment if I hadn’t expected wealth
and finding it difficult to move wouldn’t dismay had I not expected health.
Being lonely wouldn’t tear at the heart of my very worth had I never trusted and […]
I don’t know if anyone reads this, I hope so.
I don’t know what I’m feeling, I’m empty. I’ve had a depression, It’s been gone, but now I think it’s coming back. Last time I had it was actually around christmas, I wouldn’t live anymore. It’s wierd you know, being happy about life,but then some things happen and boom, you just want to die. In January I told my teacher, that I’ve been sad in a long time, and that I wouldn’t live anymore, that I didn’t care about anything or anyone. Luckily I have this really good friend, she told me to talk with someone, […]
I met this guy over the summer. He goes to an ivy league school and was doing a summer internship at a very well known investment banking company. Perfect 10. If finance doesn’t work out for him, which it will, he could become a model, date a celebrity and never work a day in his life again. Turns out he was gay so we slept together and that was that, and I knew that was that. A few months later he added me on Facebook which I thought was significant because I’d never even told him my name. As usual everything in my head ran […]
I wait for hours
I wait up all night
I wait
Hoping that someone will be there.
Will be there to help me pick up myself
Help me pick up my broken heart
Help me put it back together for the next day
But alas its like last night
And the night before last night
No one is there for me like I am there for them
I simply cant take it anymore
I have waited far too long and too much
I wait every night until 1-2 am
Then the pain comes
Crushing me
Making me want to die
Why am I so dependent?
It’s been a while.
I went through ups and downs and now I am actually on the final leg of my journey. But I feel like I shouldn’t be.
How did I get this far? Time passed by so quickly and I didn’t even get the chance to realize it. I feel like I am at this level, but I cheated my way here. Most of them are so much smarter than me, picking up all the points when I’m here still figuring out why the square peg won’t get into the circle hole.
They all look at me and say “wow, there’s a person who got it […]
As hard as i try to get over you, you come back.. Telling me your sorry and getting me to believe your stupid, drunken or sober lies. You get my hopes up and even every time i know they will crash right back down, i still believe you. I try to talk to others, but i cannot get feelings for them, all i want is you. I know i shouldn’t have you. Any who, ever since New Years I feel into a deep depression, i stopped eating, dropped a good 15 pounds, slept more, had absolutely no ambition to do a thing. Cutting came back […]
I’ve been commenting on a lot of you guys’ posts, and I feel like I haven’t really told my story on here. Trigger Warning: Some of the things might trigger self-harmful behavior, so please read with caution…As I begin this, I am sitting on a pile of pillows I’ve been using for a bed, drinking tea, and I’m about to light a smoke.
I grew up in Central California from 1996 (my birthyear) and moved in the summer of 2004. My parents had met when they were twelve, and stayed together until they were in their early twenties. I was about three when, out of the […]
You made me smile,
you made me cry,
I missed you so much I wanted to die.
All of the pain,
the tears I shed,
was worth it all,
when we met.
The sadness and sorrow,
will always follow,
now I am waiting for a better tomorrow.
It will come,
no matter what it takes,
and I will not be the one who breaks.
We will be together,
despite the weather,
and you will be the one who makes it all better.
If anyone wants to talk to someone. I don’t care what time or hour Skype me danyiel.arkady if I don’t get back to you in time please give me time.
Ive been to the darkest depths and I stand where I stand now because of my difficult journey. I know you have it in your heart, bc every word you speak says it. Cause deep down inside you know this can’t be life. So lets talk and day by day get through it together. I promise…dont hesitate hit me up.
With that being said Im willing to put my heart into it if your willing to try…
I’ve been suicidal for a very long time now. Seriously,I don’t understand how people “recover”. It’s all I can do to keep myself together everyday. Some days are better than others. Most just suck! I go in to see him today& I feel worse coming out of there. He makes me feel bad for feeling suicidal, like it’s a switch I can turn off. I’ve had these feelings for a VERY long time! How are they supposed to go away in 7 months? I’m supposed to be able to call him if things get bad for a coaching call, but I don’t feel like I […]
This damn site is like the std that just won’t go away.
I get away but I always comeback.
I need to get my shit together.
Or let my shit fall apart.
Or maybe I just need to shit.
Either which way, my physical life is on the upward bound!
Alas, my mental life is slowly diminishing.
I’m missing the bridge the connects the two and makes everything fucking rainbows and butterflies.
Hello, again.
Still fighting. Lets do it together. Make it through some more days. Try, be good people. Lets do it.
Well I was busy and she was not, so she poked around found the key! Opened my hiding place, found two tanks of helium, I was smart enough not to keep all the components together, I scattered them in separate places, the regulator, tubing, and so on, she asked what I had those tanks for! I said for blowing up balloons, she said where are the balloons? I said I haven’t gotten them yet, I said it was a surprise! I was throwing a party! She said what party? I said well it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you! Ha ha! ïŠ Little […]
I thought I could trust her with my heart.
She told me she loved me and we had the most amazing relationship together.
Then she left me lonely
I am still in love with everything about her. Her hair. Her face. Her way. She abandoned me, even though she promised she would never leave.
Life has no meaning anymore. She was my everything. Now she is only a distant memory that I’m still in love with.
I know that she will never come back to me
And that is why I will be in pain for the rest of my life
bm
Had some decent sleep at my girl friend’s spot last night. When we woke up, she went to work, I came home a continued my slumber. I’ve probably racked up around 14 hours of sleep.
I’m waiting to hear back from a job that I really don’t want to start. I also am wrapping up some legal trouble that is coming to a head soon.
On the outside looking in, things are coming together. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m about to engage in an upswing and I’m not wanting to, I’ve had enough of the high/low cycle.
I know my days are […]
“I’m tempted to leave the car in drive, and leave it all behind.”
No more medication. I refuse to take another freaking pill. I am NOT going to take another pill. I’m so sick and tired of having to take medication everyday. Taking that pill is like pretending to be somebody I’m not, it makes me act happy and as if everything is okay. News flash, I’m not happy and nothing is okay. If I don’t want to be happy then get over it and let me just be miserable. If I’m going to be happy it’s not going to be because of some pill. It’s […]
Well, it’s been two and a half months and I still can’t walk, I’ve been trying to convince myself that my leg will heal, but no progress yet, and I’m literally in enough pain that it’s keeping me from eating, I may lose my job because I can’t work, I may actually lose the ability to walk without some form of assistance, my disability checks stopped and I can’t get ahold of anyone I need to to start them up again, and I need to get $1500 together by june, which I could do if I skipped meals and was receiving some form of an […]
Since my Mom was killed due to doctor error two years ago I haven’t been able to string together three good weeks. My own health problems increased and I live like a shut-in. Only going to work and coming home and doing basic tasks. I recently had 3 decent days. 3 days where I didn’t wish for a painless death. That ended Monday. My never ending problems cropped up again. My face is damaged. The doctors can’t help and often create more damage. I have to get my Will done but I can’t even do that now with my current problems. I have the forms […]